Curb Your Enthusiasm Season 4 quotes

Could you state your name sir?

Larry

Larry David.

Mr. David, I'm Counselor Condon.

Larry

Counselor Condon, nice to meet you.

Have you ever served on a jury before?

Larry

No.

Have you ever been the victim of a serious crime?

Larry

My cousin once stole an Almond Joy from me, It was upsetting at the time but, umm...

I don't think that would be considered a serious crime. Is there any reason you can think of that you'd not be able to decide this case in a fair and impartial manner?

Larry

I don't know if I could be impartial Mr. Condon, given that the defendant is a negro.

Larry

Problem?

This is not a good compromise.

Larry

A good compromise is when both parties are dissatisfied, and I think that's what we have here.

This is from the Davids? Oh, it's a doll!

Larry

It's a mulatto! [everyone is silent] No good?

..Bi-racial is what we call it usually.

Larry

Bi-racial. Huh, what do you know about that?

This is Irving Schwimmer. Please leave a message at the tone.

Larry

Hi, Mr. Schwimmer, this is Larry David. I just wanna say..

Larry

Let me ask you a question. You've slept with a lot of white men, a lot of black men, I'm sure? Is there any discernable difference?

Wanda

What?!

Larry

Let me rephrase that! Let me rephrase that!

Wanda

Yeah, rephrase it!

Larry

Uhm, is there any discernable difference between a white man and a black man, you know..[points at his crotch and indicates "size" with his hands]

Wanda

Why would you ask me something like that, Larry?

Larry

My friend wants to know. Why? What's the big deal?

Wanda

I am NOT gonna answer that!

Hello, Cheryl.

Cheryl

Good morning, Wandering Bear.

How is your vagina?

Susie

Look, Wandering Elk or what ever the fuck your name is..

So here we are, in a region of Australia where out of the world's ten most deadly snakes, nine of them inhabit this region. It was harrowing. You come across a Taipan on the trail and you get bit: dead. Thirty minutes flat.

Let me tell you, that's a very interesting story. I was in a concentration camp! You never even suffered one minute in your life compared to what I went through!

Look, I'm saying we spent 42 days trying to survive. We had very little rations, no snacks-

Snacks? What are you talking snacks? We didn't eat, sometimes for a week, for a month!

I couldn't even work out. They certainly didn't have a gym.

What? What are you-

I mean, I wore my sneakers out and the next thing you know, I've got a pair of flip-flops!

Flip-flops?!

I slept on the ground, on the dirt, ok? 118 degrees during the day, 98 at night with 98% humidity.

45 degrees below zero!

Did you guys have a bathroom?

A bathroom?!

We didn't have one.

We had twelve people at a time, would go and shit on each other!

Well, I'm sure you guys had toilet paper.

We had newspaper.

We had mosquitoes.

Mosquitoes. You see this glass eye? Eh? Eh?

Have you even seen the show?

Did you ever see our show? It was called the Holocaust!

Larry

[as Max Bialystock] Assume away!

What the hell are you doing? Looks like you're making a sand castle on the table.