Curb Your Enthusiasm · Season 1
What's the guy, 40 years old? He's got to meet Julia Louis-Dreyfus! What kind of person is that?!
He's a fan.
What does he expect to gain from such a meeting? What does he think? He's gonna go over there, she's gonna be so charmed by him that all of a sudden they'll start becoming friends? They'll talk on the phone and go out to dinner together, go to the movies? What, start e-mailing each other? Summer vacations? Is he out of his fucking mind?!
Tell me about Jerry Seinfeld and tell me about...he dates those young girls-
Well, um, he's a eunuch. Yes. His testicles were cut off when he was about 13 because he was in the Beth Shalom choir. And, um, that's what he wanted to be, he was a choirboy.
Julia, is that true? Does he really have no testicles?
You know, I've got to tell you, I don't have any fucking idea.
I guess Julia will have to come back over. You'll just have to arrange another meeting.
Are you out of your mind now?
[referring to Larry's movie "Sour Grapes"] I enjoyed it. It was interesting. It was such a perfect length.
That's my specialty, length.
Well, I thought it was a good length
The width, what about the width? There's some good width in that movie.
Got any spare change?
Nah, I got nothing, man.
[hands him some leftovers] Want this?
What is it?
It's tuna.
I don't like tuna.
What is this compulsion to have people over at your house and serve them food and talk to them?
[after the dinner party] Hey, when's the next meeting of the Young Republicans club?
[referring to the caterer who stole their food] You know, this is very unprofessional if you ask me.
It's completely unprofessional. And I know because my whole career's been based on being unprofessional.
[regarding the leftovers] Uhm, I'm really not sure that everything survived the trip here, so..
"Survived the trip here"? Where did you come from? The Sudan?
How did she die?
Killed herself.
No, she didn't.
Killed herself.
Why?
Nobody knows, she didn't leave a note. That is so rude, isn't it?
That's really rude.
I mean, if you leave your house for ten minutes to go get a container of milk, you tell somebody where you went.
I let my wife know before I go anywhere.
Yeah. Would it have killed her to leave a note?
But we have to continue.
We must go on.
Must go on! Can't go on! Must go on!
[stuffing fruit in his mouth] How many do you think I can get in my mouth at a time?
[Larry walks in on Cheryl's family after they finished reading the obituary. They all glare at him]
What?
"What?" We got a paper, that's what!
"Devoted sister, beloved cunt"?! [showing Larry the paper] That's what you put in the paper?!
[In shock] This is a typo! It should be "aunt"!
Did Jeff look at this before he turned it in?
They have proofreaders at papers!
[after reading the obituary, to Jeff] Do me a favor. When I die, let someone else handle the obit, OK?
You gotta go.
What?
You gotta go.
The hell are you talking about?
You copped a feel off my mom, you gotta go.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Curb Your Enthusiasm pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
