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9 SEASONS

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Curb Your Enthusiasm quotes

201 quotes · page 6 of 14

Curb Your Enthusiasm
All S1 S2 S3 S4 S5 S6 S7 S8 S9

S3 E3Club Soda and Salt

Ya know, I really don't like not driving. You should've let me drive.

It's my car.

Well, on the way back, I'm gonna drive.

Why?

I don't feel I have a personality in this seat.

Pfft.

No, really. I feel very dull.

Mm-hm.

Do you want me to sing or do you want the uh, radio?

I think I'd rather choose the radio.

All right. [turns it on, cassette starts playing] What is this, a tape?

Mm-hm.

What are you doing with a tape? I thought you only...I thought you only buy CDs.

Um, actually a friend loaned it to me.

Who is this?

It's Al Green.

Who gave you this tape?

Brad. It's good, isn't it?

"You oughta to be with me"? Is that what he's saying?! "You oughta be with me"! That's what--that's what he's singing about?!

What is wrong with you?

What the--wait, Brad gives you a tape? An Al Green tape? "You oughta be with me"?

S3 E4The Nanny from Hell

MMartine

I remember when I let you in, you said "If there's any problems, I'll take care of it." So here I am. I'm gonna have to hold you to that 'cuz I don't have another job.

Oh no.

MMartine

So I am homeless except I don't stink.

Ok.

MMartine

And I..um..your home is big.

S3 E6The Special Section

Oh its this guy he spotted me. Oh he's gonna want to do a stop and chat, don't...don't go.

(looks at watch) Oh my god I got to uh.. I got alot of shopping to do.

Oh what a fuck.

Have a blast.

S3 E7The Corpse-Sniffing Dog

I love this dog, it's not very often you get the chance to be affectionate to something german.

You sick fuck, Larry David! What the FUCK do you think you're doing, getting my kid DRUNK?!

S3 E8Krazee-Eyez Killa

Krazee-Eyez Killa (rapping): So you think you gonna cross me, and mess with my shit? Opening your fucking trap, and flapping your lip. Don't fuck with me nigga, or you gonna get dropped. I'll snap off your neck with a crackle and pop.

I like it... I got one tiny little comment. I would lose the "motherfucker" at the end - 'cause you already said "fuck" once. You don't need two fucks.

Krazee-Eyez Killa [Knocks Loudly]:

"Uh, Who is it?"

Krazee-Eyez Killa Its Killa!

Krazee-Eyez Killa [showing Larry around]: OK, you see this shit here? This is the dining room.

This is where you eat.

KEKrazee-Eyez Killa

Yeah, you do your dining in here and shit. You got a table, a dining room table ... you got some chairs and shit, you know what I mean? [...] That's the floor, you know what I mean? It's made out of, uh, you know, floor shit ... you know what I'm saying?

Yeah, that's floor shit.

KEKrazee-Eyez Killa

Steps - four of those motherfuckers. They wanted three, but I was like, four's better.

S3 E10The Grand Opening

[the cook, with Tourette's Syndrome, yells out]FUCKHEAD SHITFACED COCKSUCKER ASSHOLE SON OF A BITCH!

[everyone in the restaurant is silent]

[thinking back in his mind] Maybe someday I'll do something good for somebody like that. [yells out] SCUM SUCKING MOTHERFUCKING WHORE!

[everyone looks at Larry]

COCK, COCK! JIZZUM! GRANDMA! COCK! [gestures for someone else to continue]

MYMichael York

BUM! FUCK! TURD! FART! CUNT! PISS! SHIT! BUGGER AND BALLS!

MManager

DAMN IT! HELL! CRAP! SHIT!

YOU GODFUCKINGDAMN MOTHERFUCKING BITCH!

[Susie walks in]

Fuck you, you car wash cunt! I had a dental appointment!

[storms out]

CSCheryl's dad

Fellatio, cunnilingus , french kissing! [there's a slight chuckle from the crowd which gets louder as the scene progresses] Rim job!

JSJeff's mom

Crap, piss!

CSChet's wife

Fucking, fucking fuck fuck!

LSLarry's dad

Schmuck, putz!

Pussy, pig fucker!

CSCheryl's sister

Balls!

JSJeff's dad

Boy cock, Girl cock, E-I-E-I-O!

[entire restaurant erupts in laughter and profanity]

S4 E1Mel's Offer

DDoctor

Now, I don't know if you've ever had stitches before, but there's a slight bit of pain involved. Nothing more than, I would say, than a little prick.

Um-hm. Yeah, there's definitely a prick involved.

DDoctor

Uh, yes there is a prick involved.

Yeah, there's one prick involved.

DDoctor

Yeah, I would say there's one prick involved.

I agree. I'm not a doctor, but I agree. There is one prick.

DDoctor

Yep.

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