Eric Delko quotes from CSI: Miami

Eric

Like Capone's vault... empty.

Horatio

Those are your eyes talking. Look harder.

What d'you got?

Eric

A car explosion, burn victim, checking for cognac used as an accelerant. Beat that?

Yeah. I got a priest shot with a rifle, dead, in a church.

Eric

Not bad.

Not bad?

Eric

Not bad.

It's at least a draw, you're not gonna beat me with a burned-out car.

Megan

Boys and their measuring sticks.

Horatio

Here is what we're gonna do. Go to this address, with a photograph of Douglas and ask Artie if he has recently sold any strawberry-scented rubber teddies.

Eric

Artie's Adult Playground?

Horatio

You know Artie?

Eric

Do you know Artie?

Horatio

Just go to the address, Eric.

Horatio

Okay, I can tell you that this was done with an excimer laser and its inscription point was no more than three microns in diameter.

Eric

[Chuckles.] Okay, how do you know that, though? Were you a jewel thief in another life or what?

Horatio

Well, in another life, I incarcerated many a jewel thief.

Delko

What is it?

Horatio

More importantly, what was it?

Excuse me.

Yeah, can I help you?

Look, I'm a third-year law student from U. of M.

Congratulations.

And I know that it's illegal for you guys to keep us here.

Eric

You know what? You're right, actually, but as a human being, I think you have an obligation to cooperate like everyone else. So why don't you get back in line for me, okay? Thank you.

Calleigh

What about the guy in the Acapulco t-shirt? He give prints?

Eric

No but do you think we can arrest him based on the fact that it's a little too creepy to be in one of these places without a kid?

Calleigh

Do you have any ridge builder lotion?

Eric

In my kit.

Calleigh

Can you hold my shoe prints?

Eric

Yeah!

Calleigh

(takes her hair down then puts ridge builder lotion over her hands) Hi, I'm Calleigh Dusquene!

Bo Repkin!

Calleigh

Your last name is Repkin?

Yeah!

Eric

(claps as she passes him her clip board)

Calleigh

There you go!

Eric

Thank you!

Calleigh

Can you take my shoe prints pack to the lab?

Eric

Yes!

Hey, Megan, did you miss me?

Eric

She actually forgot your name.

Eric

So we have a murder weapon and a suspect. What have you got?

[Holding up a pair of large purple panties.] I have a murder weapon of a different sort.

You know, my parents always wanted me gone but at least they stopped short of taking me out.

Delko

How short? Just short or miles away?

Eric

The average person's reaction time from sensation, perception through response is 1.5 seconds.

Calleigh

How do you know that?

Delko

Auto insurance studies.

Calleigh

And those guys gave up their clothes way too easily...

Eric

Yeah, that's never good...

Eric

I heard radioactivity can cause temporary infertility.

So, you and your girlfriend are temporarily in luck...

Eric

Yeah, or permanently screwed!

Horatio

[About the polygraph test.] They ask about your girlfriend?

Eric

H, you know I don't have a girlfriend.

Horatio

No girlfriend this week?

Eric

The car is stolen.

Calleigh

Based on?

Eric

Based on the screwdriver in the ignition.