Walter Simmons quotes from CSI: Miami

Walter

He's lying, H. That story's got holes in it as big as the one in our vic's chest.

Walter

Get out of here, before we arrest you for extreme stupidity.

Walter

Okay boys, how are we going to pull this one off? We don't have the authority and I don't feel a warrant in my pocket.

Ryan

Walter, we have badges. These rural guys barely have educations.

Ryan

What have you got?

Walter

Possible skull fragment.

Ryan

Walter, this is a turtle shell.

Walter

A turtle shell?

Ryan

Yeah, this is a turtle shell. Those are your shoes, that's the sky.

Ryan

Just make yourself small and nonthreatening.

Walter

I can't be small and nonthreatening! I'm running for it!

Ryan

Don't, you can't outrun a bear!

Walter

I don't have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun you.

Jesse

It's okay, hey, hey, you're safe now girls.

Walter

Man, that's insane! I mean the guy was standing right over there! Looked fine to me.

Ryan

I bet he thought he dodged a bullet. Anyway, Walter last time I checked you can't charge a dead man with vehicular manslaughter.

Tripp

Zack Finley is not our guy. In fact I don't even know if he's a guy!

Jesse

Oh, come on, didn't you pat him down at the crime scene?

Tripp

Yeah, for a gun.

Walter

Whoa, whoa, whoa, so you're saying...

Tripp

Let me spell it out for you, the guy doesn't have the equipment.

Walter

This dress is so tiny. She always looks so much bigger on stage.

Ryan

Oh, yeah? Were you a Phoenicks fan?

Walter

Weren't you?

Ryan

No, Walter. I'm not an eleven year old girl.

Walter

Whatever man, Phoenicks was on fire.

Ryan

Literally.

Walter

Hey, Travis, let me ask you something. What kind of messed up world we living in when a guy can't go for a stroll without getting cut in half?

The same kind of world that keeps me employed, I suppose.

Walter

Hey, did she get her hearing checked out yet?

Ryan

I told her she's a liability until she...

Natalia

I can hear you both clear as a bell.

Walter

You heard that?

Natalia

Well, yeah, I went to the doctor. I, uh, got this little hearing aid.

Walter

Check it out!

Ryan

She's like the Bionic Woman, now.

Walter

Maybe our victim's an alien.

Ryan

Nah, I feel like Tom would have mentioned the green blood by now.

Walter

Unless Tom's an alien too. Covering up the truth. Would explain a lot about Tom.

Walter

That's strange, this shouldn't be turned on.

Horatio

How do you mean?

Walter

I disconnected the battery before I processed it, and I left it that way.

Rick

Battery's still connected.

Walter

Yeah, I got eyes, pal.

Ryan

So I found myself going through the footage of the show.

Walter

[sarcastically] Don't you mean avidly catching up on the season?

Ryan

Maybe that, too.

She didn't even have to try. Gary just looked at her sideways and wham, bam, bun in the oven.

Walter

Wow, I hear some serious resentment there...

Ryan

(after Walter has startled him by coming up behind him) What are you, eight years old?

Walter

(chuckling) Seven.

Ryan

What is wrong with you?