Eric Delko quotes from CSI: Miami

Eric

Hey, there's no way you're getting out of processing this hotel room with me.

Why would I try to do that? I love hotel rooms. Body fluids everywhere.

Got some porn here...

Eric

Get out of here. A girl that hot? Guy had to be a Viagra case.

So the suspect is probably over forty.

Eric

Cute girls.

Calleigh

Yeah, they thought you were cute, too.

Eric

Yeah, What did they say?

Calleigh

They wanted to know if you had a younger brother.

Eric

Two disposable cameras. More pictures...

More porn!

Eric

I won't be taking this to one-hour photo!

Where were you? I called you three times.

Eric

Had my phone on vibrate, I was, uh...a little busy.

Yeah?

Eric

Didn't want to be interrupted.

Busy with the left hand?

Eric

Funny.

Eric

The Emergency Room is not the Medical Examiner!

You got Tourette's or something, man?

Eric

If you want any real attention in this world, you've got to have blond hair and blue eyes... no offense.

Calleigh

None taken, my eyes are green.

Club where people come when the door guy turns you down everywhere else.

Eric

So this is your hangout, Speed.

You know, did you ever think about taking up stand-up comedy or something like that? Because you're really very funny.

Eric

According to the vic, this cowboy came through the front door, guns blazing.

I wonder if he tied up his horse.

Hagen

You know she stabbed him eight times?

Eric

Yeah, you've told me that eight times.

Calleigh

Yeah, but you know, I was thinking. If he hadn't have stolen from the mob, then he never would have become a beach bum in Florida, and then he never would have got picked up by the hurricane. Then if he hadn't got picked up by the hurricane, he would have never hit Burton's car, and if it wasn't for hitting Burton's car, Burton would have gotten away with murder.

Eric

[smiling] Leave it to you, Calleigh, to find something good to come out of a hurricane.

Calleigh

[smiling] They do alleviate global warming.

[to Eric] She's way too cheerful.

[Carrying two heavy boxes.] You were supposed to meet me at the truck...

Eric

I figured you could use the exercise. It's good for you.

Thank you.

Delko

Got a category-2 hurricane and we get sent out to a traffic incident. What's up with Dispatch?

They're slammed with thousands of calls, so we take them one at a time till order's been restored.

Delko

I'd hate to see what a category-4 looks like.

So would Dispatch.

Horatio

But, Eric, as a rule of thumb, off-duty relationships, no matter how well intended, can be seen as a conflict of interest in court. You understand?

Eric

Yeah. But uh...how do you suggest I walk that line?

Horatio

Carefully.

Calleigh

Are you tied up?

Eric

Very cute.