Greg Sanders quotes from CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Greg

Hey, I hear you're working on Hank's case.

Sara

I believe it's my case.

Greg

Territorial. You know, guys don't like that.

Sara

You're crowding me, Greg.

Greg

Well, I have some information that'll bring us even closer.

Grissom

So, let's see. You surf, you scuba dive. You're into latex, you like fashion models and Marilyn Manson. And you also have a coin collection?

Greg

Weird, ha?

Grissom

Well, I race cockroaches.

Grissom

What happened to your enthuasism, Greg?

Greg

Well, everytime I make a DNA match in here my world gets a little smaller. Out there I felt large.

Grissom

Out there... means a pay cut.

Greg

It's not about the money.

Grissom

That's good to know.

Catherine

Oh, Dougie Max was poisoned.

Greg

To the max.

Greg

So I ran the blood you found on the gun through CODIS... on my own time... of which I have precious little...

Grissom

Greg, why do you always trail off like that?

Greg

Because you make me nervous.

Greg

I understand why all these cadets are here. They have to be. But what's up with all these off-duty cops?

Catherine

Chance to be a hero. Girl's beautiful. These guys don't get many chances.

Greg

For what?

Catherine

To rescue a princess.

Greg

No she didn't.

Sara

Greg, she told Warrick she put peanut butter in the chili.

Greg

I don't care if Mr. Peanut was taking a bath in the vic's lunch. It's not what killed him.

Catherine

Alright, what do those look like to you?

Greg

Semen stains.

Catherine:

Yeah.

Greg

Which on a man's underwear aren't exactly probative.

Catherine

No.

Greg

I can't tell you how long they've been there or how often the guy changes his shorts. You know, I knew guys who could go up to four days on one single pair of tighty whities.

Catherine

Thanks for puttin' that picture in my brain.

Nick

The lead story by editor and chief Sabrina Abernathy, entitled: "Varsity Hazing Ritual". Now listen to this: "The question is not whether the so called student athletes should be expelled, but whether or not they should be arrested."

Warrick

Why, what'd they do?

Nick

Apparently something with several hookers and alot of testosterone.

Greg

Whatever happened to toliet paper and trees?

Greg

Everyone but the little guy was gettin' high and gettin' by. Daughter was on uppers, Mom's on downers and Grandma was on the cancer stick.

Catherine

Ritalin, Valium and Grandma's a liar.

Greg

Pants on fire.

Grissom

This is the first time a roller coaster has derailed in Clark County. Huge criminial and civil liabitilities issues, so keep it quiet. Photograph the scene. Bag and tag the detritus. Forklift anything bigger than Greg. We're going to put up a tent on the other side of the parking lot for crime scene reconstruction. Questions?

Greg

Yeah. What's that guy doing so far away from the others?

Grissom

Curious, isn' t it? [walks away]

Greg

So when he asks if anybody has any questions he's not really asking?

Greg

I found something a little unusual for a roller coaster. Not a sailor but a...

Sara

Semen. Sex on the roller coaster?

Greg

Or some kid shaking hands with Shorty.

Grissom

The release of epinephrine and adrealine while riding a roller coaster can produce a stimlatory effect. It enhances ejaculation.

Greg

Right.

Greg

Grissom, I have some information that'll be of a use to you but before you get it, I need a decision.

Grissom

What?

Greg

I'm tired of being on the fence here. Either I'm in the lab or I'm in the field. Which is it?

Grissom

Well, as soon as you can find and train a replacement, you can be in the field. Until then I need you in the lab. Now give.

Grissom

[about why the killer brought the Polaroid with him] Bring me the head of John the Baptist. Salome- wanted proof that he was dead. They didn't have Polaroids back then.

Brass

So you're saying our first victim was a hired killer. Hired by whom?

Greg

Whoever shot him?

Grissom

You committed a fatal error, Greg. You compromised evidence at a crime scene. A judgment like that can cost us a conviction. In order to solo in the field, you have to successfully complete three proficiencies.

Greg

I failed this one.

Grissom

Yeah. (Greg stands up, sighs and heads for the door) But...(Greg stops and turns around) Since you found a suitable replacement in the lab, I'm going to give you one more chance.

Greg

Thank you. Thank you.