Catherine Willows quotes from CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Brass

I talked to the neighbors, nobody had anything bad to say about Mrs Kelly, in fact they all called her a saint. Specials eds teacher, she's a friend to kids, stray dogs, and anyone with a problem.

Catherine

Well I must have met her evil clone.

Catherine

Tetanus shot hurt more than the crazy lady attacking me.

Riley

You going to turn into a vampire now?

Catherine

Well, I already work nights so I don't think anybody's going to notice.

Alright, look guys, I got a press conference in an hour and I'd rather not say something that I'll have to backtrack later on. Did Wilkes intentionally kill Olivia Hamilton?

Ray

I doubt it.

Catherine

Maybe you should cancel the press conference.

Catherine

Sara, I know that you walked into some fireworks in the breakroom.

Sara

What? Ecklie? Please.

Catherine

No, I just read Riley's exit interview. She had some... harsh things to say about my leadership, that the team's fractured, that it lacks cohesion because of me because of my managerial style. I don't know. I-I admit it, I admit that things are different since Grissom left.

Sara

Well... it's like when a great baseball team loses its clean-up hitter; suddenly everybody's swinging for the fences and nobody's playin' small ball.

Sara

Ah, apparently part of being married is attempting to share in your spouse's interests.

Catherine

English, please?

Sara

You are a great CSI Catherine, and you know how to manage your team. The only thing Grissom had that you don't... is you. [Catherine smiles.]

Catherine

Finn took action in the line of duty. Johnson was trying to help a kid at risk.

Nick

So where's the bad guy in this?

Ray

You tell me.

Ray

I was teaching at WLVU when Coach Miller won his second conference title. And everybody loved him, treated him like a god.

Catherine

Even gods have enemies.

Catherine

What's with all the blood?

Oh, don't take that tone with me, blondie. This is the blood on an innocent Samaritan.

Brass

Oh, yeah? We got a special on Samaritans, we're arresting them tonight.

Wendy

What is this stuff?

Greg

Uh, Langston sent us some souvenirs from Miami and New York.

Wendy

Oh.

Wendy

I love this.

Greg

Bitchin'.

Catherine

Ridiculous.

Nick

Time for a toast. You know, bowling is a family sport. I'd like to raise a glass to our CSI family. Cheers. [They all drink] But unfortunately, it's time to give the family a little ass-whoppin'. [They all laugh]

Hodges

Oh, really?!

Catherine

All of us?

Ray

Be careful, Nick, don't let your mouth write a check that your ass can't cash.

Ooh!

It was a mathematical certainty that a woman like that would report the assault or she would blackmail me for the rest of my life. So, the only logical thing to do was to kill her.

Greg Sanders

And you applied that same logic when Karen Jones showed up at your door?

You know what the stupid girl did? She, she pointed a gun at me and she demanded that I give her fifty thousand dollars for her friend's funeral.

Catherine Willows

Well, according to my math, the fifty thousand dollars that you saved is gonna cost you twenty years to life.

Wait. Look, I, I am a good man. I work hard. I love my wife. I contribute to society. I mean, these people, you deal with them all the time. And those girls? They were just, they were just worthless criminals.

Catherine Willows

No, they were human beings. You're the worthless criminal.

Catherine

You don't look nearly busy enough.

Archie

Well, thank you. It is my gift to look relaxed while doing many things. Unlike Hodges, who has the ability to look overwhelmed while really doing nothing at all.

Catherine

When you're young, you think you're immortal and when you get older you just want to remember how that felt. Driving crazy fast on open road...

Nick

We're not getting that old, are we?

Hodges

You know, I read something a while back. Said that the distance from home that the average parent would allow their 9 year old to wander had shrunk to a tenth of what it was when I was a kid.

Catherine

The world's a scarier place, that's for sure.

Hodges

Oh, I was terrified back then. But a boy who ventures out thinking the world isn't a place to hide from, shouldn't be proven wrong.

Catherine

I know, just make sure no one enters the casino with vests, radios or uniforms. We can't have any mistakes.

Nick

Copy that. How's the stakeout going?

Catherine

Well, so far it's like watching bad porn.

Vartann

I just don't get these two idiots. They're born into money. They graduated good schools. Their daddies paid for it all.

Catherine

Sounds like you've got an issue with rich people.

Vartann

No. I got an issue with rich kids killing poor kids.