Catherine Willows quotes from CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Al Robbins

Well tox detected methamphetamine, sildenafil and oxycodone.

Catherine

Stimulant, erection, and a painkiller, party in a pill.

Al Robbins

Where was that on my wedding night?

Hodges

In 1897, Williams Spinks received a patent for what came to be known as Spinks' billiard chalk. You may be surprised to know that cue tip chalk need not contain chalk at all, but is a mixture of axel light and silica. The abrasives give grip to the tip when it hits the ball.

Catherine

Stop trying to make that sound dirty. Our vic had a callous on his hand.

Hodges

Mmmmm.

Catherine

Don't.

Catherine

Caprice Unlimited: Anything is Possible. Sounds like a sex business. [picks up phone to call the company]

Sara

What are you going to say?

Catherine

Uh, something other than a guy is dead, and it looks like you're involved.

Catherine

What do you know about work boots? I'm guessing you haven't worked a day of hard labor in your life.

Greg

I wore Doc Martens in high school. It was the style.

Catherine

Yeah for skinheads.

Greg

Yeah, they kinda ruined it for everyone.

Catherine

Pig and the piglets are in the pigpen.

Warrick

About time. Finally some good news.

Catherine

Did you know that Pig, a.k.a Cole Tritt, was the only adult? The rest of 'em were all under 18. One was 14.

Warrick

Are you kidding? Who raises these kids?

Catherine

I mean, they weren't all delinquents. Demetrius James was a college student.

Nick

Hangin' out with the wrong crowd in the wrong town. I'm tellin' ya, a fake I.D in Las Vegas is like havin' a--a free ticket on the hell train. Sex, drugs, gambling, no adult supervision, 24/7, by the time they're 21 they've done and seen it all.

Catherine

Make me slit my wrists why don't ya? I'm raising a teenager here.

Warrick

Ah, you're doin' a great job, Linds is gonna turn out to be a beautiful young woman. Besides, I grew up in Vegas, I didn't turn out so bad, did I?

Nick

Yeah. That was pre-Mirage. Back when you were a little squirt goin' to the casino, playin' the arcade games. Nah, Vegas is a different animal now.

Warrick

Yeah, these kids need to beat people up in the street to be entertained. They need some good discipline, they need their grandmother whuppin' their ass like I had.

Nick

Yeah, a good slap.

Sara

You know, it kinda sounds like you guys are blaming everybody but these kids. I mean, you don't get a bye just because you grew up here or your parents are on drugs or--- those kids were perfectly capable of telling the difference between a wild night out and beating somebody to death.

Grissom

The truth is, a moral compass can only point you in the right direction, it can't make you go there. Our culture preaches that you shouldn't be ashamed of anything you do anymore. And unfortunately this city is built on the principle that there's no such thing as guilt. "Do whatever you want, we won't tell." So without a conscience, there's nothing to stop you from killing someone. And evidently you don't even have to feel bad about it.

Catherine

18 years and this is my first crucifixion. In a Catholic church with no crucifixes.

Grissom

I imagine the priest is a resurrection theologian as opposed to a crucifixion theologian. They believe in forgiveness rather than penance.

Catherine

We could all use a little forgiveness.

Catherine

Well, I got a phone, and keys but no purse.

Nick

Mugging?

Catherine

Take the purse, leave the Lexus?

Nick

Yeah, that's not real savvy, is it?

Grissom

Our Mexican fisherman signed his television release form "F. Krueger."

Catherine

Freddy Krueger. Nightmare on Elm Street.

Archie

Yeah, and the karaoke singer was Michael Myers from Halloween.

Catherine

Parts one through nine.

Archie

Yeah, but who's the hotel killer? Who's Pamela Voorhees?

Catherine

Friday the 13th?

Archie

No, that's Jason. Oh no wait, Jason was the sequel. Pamela, the mother, was the killer in the original. That's the question that tripped up Drew Barrymore in Scream.

Catherine

Yeah, and look what happened to her.

Archie

You watch slasher flicks?

Catherine

With Lindsey, I do. They never get the spatter right.

Grissom

All I know is the master of all scary movies was Lon Chaney Sr., the man of a thousand faces, and that's what we're looking for.

Nick

Sabbatical's usually a euphemism for sayonara. I don't think Grissom's coming back.

Catherine

Why wouldn't he?

Nick

I don't know. He shaved his beard, lost a little weight, he's been leaving when shift is over, I think he even took a day off last week.

Catherine

Maybe he's got himself a girlfriend.

Nick

That's what I'm saying. You know I thought you were going to leave a few months ago.

Catherine

Why, because I shaved my beard?

Catherine

[Referring to faking a crime scene] I'm not used to faking it.

[Smirking] When's the last time you had to?

Catherine

I grew up in this town, I know all about playing the odds, you are gambling with my team.

We talked about the risks going in, it's not like we can quit now.

Catherine

I'm not quitting, but I don't like it. And I hate lying to my guys.

Grissom

Catherine, lay out room, right away!

Catherine

[enters] Gil, where's the fire? [Catherine sees the miniature crime scene and looks confused]

Grissom

It's been sitting in my office for the last four weeks.

Catherine

But we caught the miniature serial killer, he confessed.

Grissom

Yeah, I watched him blow his brains out. But, I think the package was post marked after he killed himself.

Catherine

So maybe he arranged to have it sent post-mortum.

Grissom

The three other murders, the miniature was left at the scene. This one was addressed to me.

Catherine

So now it's personal.

Catherine

Yeah, crabs. I am buying Lindsay a chastity belt.

Grissom

There's a hole in the middle to let the urine pass so theoretically she could still get them.

Catherine

You are so creepy sometimes.

Brass

So the guy took an arrow through the throat and it prolonged his life?

Dr. Robbins

Apparently.

Catherine

And what are the odds of it not hitting any major artery?

Dr. Robbins

Whatever comes right before zero.

Catherine

[noticing the rope on the floor] Did she have ligature marks?

Brass

On her neck, yeah.

Catherine

That doesn't make any sense. She was a dominatrix, not a submissive.

Brass

Maybe the party just got out of control.

Catherine

Somebody... didn't know the rules.