A character in CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Played by Marg Helgenberger
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation · 1,147 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: in 308 of its 1,147 quotes
Most scenes with: Gil Grissom (102), Nick Stokes (66), Sara Sidle (38)
Catherine, look it's not that we don't have confidence in you.
CatherineI smell crap.
What?
CatherineDon't take another step. (shines torch around and sees feces). Joe?
Yeah.
CatherineThe Eiger's have any pets?
No kids, no pets.
CatherineIt's hard to look and not touch isn't it?
That poor kids has been working her tail off, only fair considering how DNA gets most of the glory these days.
Did you hear the one about the cop and the monkey who walk into a bar?
CatherineI'm not in the mood.
Neither was the monkey.
Catherine (to Warrick): I thought you said you were a dork in high school.
I was a dork... I still am a dork. But I had dimples. I got a little action.
CatherineI don't doubt that.
CatherineWhen exactly was the last time that you had sexual intercourse with your late wife?
Four years ago, Rosie Palm and Thumbelina are the only action that I get.
CatherineIt's a big desert.
About twenty-five thousand square miles
CatherineNearest town is Pahrump. That's about thirty miles from here
But I got water, we can share.
CatherineWho are you today, Moses?
Catherine[on phone] Yeah, Jim. Uh, Grissom and I are gonna take a little walk.
CatherineSo I understand that you're going up against Mark Thayer? The guy's an ass.
Used to be a competent scientist. We actually co-authored a paper together ten years ago. I believe greed has gotten in his way.
CatherineWell, I've seen him on the stand. He manipulates evidence.
He manipulates people. The public assumes that scientists are ethical. But many of us are no better than politicians, evidently.
CatherineWow, you had the baby and got your figure back in one day.
No, that's impossible, believe me I know, my wife's had five kids.
CatherineHow many hot dogs did he eat?
Approximately twenty.
CatherineGod. Ugh, do you think we might be able to ID the makers of the hot dog from the ingredients?
No, believe it or not most hot dog companies are very proprietary over their recipes.
CatherineWell how about through the girdle marks?
Oh yeah sure, I'll just run it through the Hot Dog Appliance database.
CatherineThe canary diamond.
Wanna bet the birdie sings in the key of GSR?
Do you have any physical evidence that would conclusively rule Hannah out as a suspect?
Well... yeah. She's 4"3 and 65 pounds. The crime just required more strength than she's got.
CatherineHow old is she?
12.
In high school?
She's a high school senior. She skipped 6 grades. She's a prodigy.
Which means that she has the brains for murder.
CatherineHey Gil, uh, if you're swamped I can always cancel my vacation plans.
We got it covered.
CatherineGood, because I wasn't really that serious.
CatherineAnyone interested in the wedding DVD?
Yeah.
CatherineCourtsey of Frank Rosetti. Owner of Cupid's Kiss. [(puts the DVD in)] All right, where do you wanna start?
The toast.
[Catherine puts on the toast, and they watch]
Dianne Chase [On DVD]: Everyone, everyone, I wanna thank you for coming. You know, the Bible says love is strong as death and as mother of the groom a wedding is bitter sweet. You are giving up as much as you are gaining. In some cases you are giving up much more. [loses her speech as she starts to get tipsy] To hell with it, I'll wing it. My Adam. He studied at Oxford, he went to Harvard school of business and of all the intelligent, wonderful, beautiful women he met along the way he ended up with Jill, plain little Jill. There's nothing wrong with her, but what's right with her, haha, even her name is boring. [turns to Adam] It's all right to take a lover, you just don't have to end up marrying her.. I mean, do you really wanna shallow our gene pool like this? [Adam tries to get her to leave] I wanna thank you all so much for coming, oh I love you Adam. [Catherine pauses the DVD after the toast is done]
CatherineJustifiable homicide?
CatherineSo, you took the perimeter of the scene, right?
Yeah.
CatherineWell, I saw this guy in the shadows, Archie blew it up, looks more like a suspect than a guest. (shows Nick the pictures) That face look familiar?
Yeah, yeah, I caught that guy sleepin' one off in the bushes. It's the groom's old man.
CatherineWow, I thought my wedding was bad.
Where's that Sara chick?
CatherineOh Romeo, I don't think that you have time for romance. You're being charged with grand theft auto, obstruction of justice and conspiracy to murder...
Okay. I will cop to everything but the murder.
CatherineWell, if you didn't commit the murder, why did you steal the car?
Look, the lady was already dead, all right? And then you guys show up... and this bridesmaid comes up to me and starts askin' me all these questions about my tow truck.
CatherineWhich bridesmaid?
The hot one. The next thing I know she wants to be the Bonnie to my Clyde. Asked me to steal this car and trash all the evidence.
CatherineSo you committed grand theft auto to get laid?
Have you ever stolen a two-ton piece of machinery? It is way better than sex. And finding a girl that doesn't wanna kick you to the curb for it? I mean c'mon, that is hot! Besides, I haven't gotten a wedding gift for my sister yet.
Gil GrissomWilliam Petersen · 446 quotes
Nick StokesGeorge Eads · 239 quotes
Sara SidleJorja Fox · 234 quotes
Greg SandersEric Szmanda · 168 quotes
Jim BrassPaul Guilfoyle · 144 quotes
Warrick BrownGary Dourdan · 123 quotes
David HodgesWallace Langham · 75 quotes
Al RobbinsRobert David Hall · 64 quotes
Ray LangstonLaurence Fishburne · 46 quotes
EEcklie25 quotes
David PhillipsDavid Berman · 24 quotes
WendyLiz Vassey · 19 quotes
These quotes come from Wikiquote's CSI: Crime Scene Investigation pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.