Gil Grissom quotes from CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

What are you looking for?

Sara

A six-letter word.

Grissom

P-I-S-T-O-L? It's not the word we were looking for, but it's interesting.

Grissom

What's it used for?

Hodges

Mostly Greg-Sanders-Wear. Um, names, airband logos, inane sayings, anything that could be put on a t-shirt.

Catherine

[out of breath] What the hell kind of music is that?

Grissom

Inspiration.

Catherine

Sedative!

Grissom

Okay. [Grissom changes the song to a country one.] How's this?

Catherine

How 'bout something that doesn't twang?

Catherine

So much for the race.

Grissom

At least we didn't come last.

Catherine

What are you taking a leak? The follow car is supposed to stay with the runner! We've been training for months, man. 20 C.S.I.s, 120 miles.

Grissom

Don't blame me. Blame him. (shines his flashlight on a corpse)

Grissom

Sooner or later, everybody gets replaced.

Mendez

Talk to me when it happens to you.

Catherine

How many cops are in town this weekend?

Grissom

Twenty thousand. And the road is closed to civilians.

Catherine

Spring break with a badge. Well, this ought to be fun. Every suspect's in law enforcement.

Doc Robbins

Well, the race isn't the only reason these guys come to town. It's a good party.

Grissom

Too much running, too much partying?

Doc Robbins

L.A. S-E-S. They go all out.

Grissom

Work hard, play hard, die young, leave a good-looking corpse.

Grissom

This is the first time a roller coaster has derailed in Clark County. Huge criminial and civil liabitilities issues, so keep it quiet. Photograph the scene. Bag and tag the detritus. Forklift anything bigger than Greg. We're going to put up a tent on the other side of the parking lot for crime scene reconstruction. Questions?

Greg

Yeah. What's that guy doing so far away from the others?

Grissom

Curious, isn' t it? [walks away]

Greg

So when he asks if anybody has any questions he's not really asking?

Grissom

There are three things in human life that are important, the first is to be kind, the second one is to be kind and the third one is to be kind.

Sara

Henry James.

Grissom

Very good, author of one of the greatest horror stories ever written, Turn of the Screw, and I'm looking for one.

Sara

A screw?

Grissom

Yes.

Greg

I found something a little unusual for a roller coaster. Not a sailor but a...

Sara

Semen. Sex on the roller coaster?

Greg

Or some kid shaking hands with Shorty.

Grissom

The release of epinephrine and adrealine while riding a roller coaster can produce a stimlatory effect. It enhances ejaculation.

Greg

Right.

Grissom

I thought that Nick was the best candidate for the position.

Sara

Why?

Grissom

Because he didn't care whether he got the job or not.

Sara

That's a stupid reason.

Grissom

That's not what the evidence says.

Catherine

Well, maybe the evidence is wrong.

Grissom

You can be wrong, I can be wrong, but the evidence is just the evidence.

This is harassment. I've already given you guys a DNA sample.

Grissom

You know that bone marrow donation you gave to your brother? I checked your medical records, his body rejected it and he died. I'm guessing that's when you found out about your unique condition.

The doctors explained it. I'm a creature of myth.

Grissom

A chimera. A head of a lion, body of a goat, tail of a dragon. You're a genetic anomoly. One person two completely different sets of DNA.

Grissom

Well, thank you. I appreciate the courtesy.

No problem. (Grissom walks over to Sara, sits down next to her, and squeezes her hand)

Grissom

C'mon, I'll take you home.