Gil Grissom quotes from CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Sara

What?

Grissom

How many vacation days do you have on the books?

Sara

About ten weeks, I guess. Why?

Grissom

I think you should take a week or two.

Sara

I'm still on the case. I just didn't do the interview for once in my life. When was the last time that you took a vacation, never, right?

Grissom

Okay.

Greg

Grissom, I have some information that'll be of a use to you but before you get it, I need a decision.

Grissom

What?

Greg

I'm tired of being on the fence here. Either I'm in the lab or I'm in the field. Which is it?

Grissom

Well, as soon as you can find and train a replacement, you can be in the field. Until then I need you in the lab. Now give.

Grissom

[about why the killer brought the Polaroid with him] Bring me the head of John the Baptist. Salome- wanted proof that he was dead. They didn't have Polaroids back then.

Brass

So you're saying our first victim was a hired killer. Hired by whom?

Greg

Whoever shot him?

Grissom

You committed a fatal error, Greg. You compromised evidence at a crime scene. A judgment like that can cost us a conviction. In order to solo in the field, you have to successfully complete three proficiencies.

Greg

I failed this one.

Grissom

Yeah. (Greg stands up, sighs and heads for the door) But...(Greg stops and turns around) Since you found a suitable replacement in the lab, I'm going to give you one more chance.

Greg

Thank you. Thank you.

Grissom

So, Greg, how do you explain adhesive and toilet bowl cleanser on the gun?

Greg

I don't know. I can tell you the toilets in the club had blue water.

Grissom

At a crime scene, Greg?

Hodges

Everybody knows you hold it.

Grissom

You go across the street or next-door, somewhere other than the scene, until you've cleared the restroom. Did you clear the restroom?

Greg

No.

Grissom

Well, you could've flushed away evidence, wiped away fingerprints from the handle. Make sure you include this in your field notes.

Greg

Grissom, I'd like to introduce you to Chandra Moore.

Chandra

Pleased to meet you sir, I'm a fan.

Grissom

Wow, you're hot.

Chandra

I'm... I'm sorry.

Grissom

You're eminating heat. This is a new infared camera. It's good for looking at evidence in the dark. (to Greg) Did you get her blood yet?

Chandra

My...why?

Grissom

So many reasons.

Catherine

(walking towards Grissom angry) Grissom? You can't possibly call that thing my office it's a cupboard.

Grissom

Catherine, I'd like you to meet Chandra Moore. She'll be doing DNA when Greg's in the field.

Catherine

Hello, I'm Catherine. (she turns right back to Grissom without giving Chandra a chance to introduce herself) We need to talk.

Grissom

Well, not now... too much work.

Sara

I don't have a death wish and I'm not a drunk. In case you were worried.

Grissom

I'm not worried. I'm concerned.

Sara

Isn't that kind of the same thing?

Grissom

If you're gonna be sick, Greg, do it in the sink.

Doc Robbins

Not in the drain pan.

Greg

I don't feel sick.

Sara

I don't have a death wish and I'm not a drunk. In case you were worried.

Grissom

I'm not worried. I'm concerned.

Sara

Isn't that kind of the same thing?

Greg

What are you doing?

Grissom

Good you're here. (throws a cup at him) Fill this up for me will ya?

Greg

With what?

Grissom

It's a urine specimen cup, Greg. What do ya think?

Greg

(scoffs) Okay.

Grissom

That took a long time. You may need a prostate exam.

Greg

My prostate is just fine. I'm not a soda fountain.

Grissom

Well, hopefully you are, 'cause I need a number two as quickly as possible.

Greg

What is this all about?

Grissom

The victims body was found in the sewer. Ambient temperature 80 degrees. The corrosive chemicals caused the body to decompose faster than normal. And I wanna find out how much faster. Today.

Greg

This is some kind of CSI hazing. Make me appreciate blood and semen more.

Grissom

Well, at least we know where he came from. (shines his flashlight down the sewer)

Catherine

Aren't we going to at least draw straws?

Grissom

No.

Listen... I'm, uh... I'm sick. You know, I got this-this, this illness, which... look. I don't want to go back to prison. That's why I'm being so compliant. Now, yo, I don't work near no little kids. I stay a hundred yards from the school grounds. Man, I don't even go to the park.

Grissom

It's not a disease. It's a compulsion.

I stay away from youth organizations, after-school programs, churches...

Grissom

We found a pair of boy's underwear in your bedroom. Explain that.

I look at the photos. I look at the photos and I have the briefs for, um... release.

Grissom

So you fantasize, and eventually, the fantasy's not enough and you relapse.

Hey, they're mine. I bought the underwear!

Grissom

Well, if that's true, then you were in a store where little children were shopping with their mothers.

And what would you have me do, huh, man? What?! I mean, I even thought about chemical castration.

Grissom

Medroxyprogesterone is inconclusive. It renders the subject incapable of erection, but it doesn't remove the drive. You would still be capable of sexual assault using other objects.

Listen... um, I haven't done anything, uh, illegal, so you can't hold me in here forever. Oh, is that killing look in your eyes a compulsion, Mr. Grissom?

Grissom

Nick. You failed your firearm qualifications. You can't be here.

Nick

Oh yeah, well, I'm takin' it again, day after tomorrow. So I figured I could work.

Grissom

Not in the field.

Nick

You're serious?

Grissom

You're in violation just carrying a weapon.

Catherine

Have you been to bed?

Grissom

Yes.

Catherine

Did you sleep? (pauses) Me neither. She was the same age as Lindsey. She was trying to hitchhike.

Grissom

Where was she going?

Catherine

Fremont Street.

Grissom

Was she buying drugs?

Catherine

No! She's twelve. She's... just so angry. She doesn't talk to me.

Grissom

Well, if enough people knew what was out there hunting them, they'd never leave their house. I think you need to sit her down.

Catherine

Well, I don't want to scare her. I don't want my daughter to be this... frightened, paranoid kid who's always looking over her shoulder.

Grissom

Catherine, there's a big difference between scaring her and preparing her. And all the reasons why you should are in that room. (Catherine contemplates this)