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204 QUOTES

A character in Columbo

Lt. Columbo quotes from Columbo

Played by Peter Falk · 204 quotes · page 7 of 14

Lt. Columbo

Played by Peter Falk

Columbo · 241 quotes

Most-quoted character in Columbo: in 204 of its 241 quotes
Most scenes with: Tommy Brown (5), Ken Franklin (5), Milo Janus (5)

Scenes with Lt. Columbo 157

Lt. Columbo

Because that would explain why Miss Martin was so bothered after the operation and it would explain why she wanted to see the chemist at the company that made the suture. That's murder. That certainly is. No question about it.

[Dr. Mayfield starts laughing]

Lt. Columbo

What's so funny?

Excuse me, Lieutenant. I had to play it as though you were serious. You don't really believe all those foolish things you say, do you?

Lt. Columbo

[angrily slams carafe down on desk] I believe you killed Sharon Martin and I believe you're trying to kill Dr. Hidemann.

Lt. Columbo, you're remarkable. You have intelligence. You have perception. You have great tenacity. You've got everything except proof.

Lt. Columbo

I want you to take good care of Dr. Hidemann because if he dies we're going to have to have an autopsy, aren't we? I mean, we're going to have to know whether a heart attack killed him or rather it was just a dissolving suture.

MBMazoor Berozski

[after discovering that the toothbrush in Dudek's suitcase is not his but his roommate's] Lieutenant, then Tomlin Dudek could not have packed his own suitcase.

Lt. Columbo

That's what I was trying to get around to, sir, yes. And if somebody else packed it who didn't know that he wore dentures then--

MBMazoor Berozski

Then his accident was not an accident!

Lt. Columbo

I, uh, thought you'd like to know, sir, that, uh, I think that is a possibility, yes sir.

Lt. Columbo

[walking through a casino] How long has this been going on?

DPDexter Paris

First time in Vegas, huh?

Lt. Columbo

Uh, we were supposed to come down two years ago but my wife switched sides and voted with my in-laws. We ended up in Animal Land. It was nothing like this.

DPDexter Paris

When I talked to my brother Norman, I did tell him that Hathaway and Lisa Chambers were going to meet at 5:00.

Lt. Columbo

You did?

DPDexter Paris

Yeah. Well, well, good ol' Norman, my banker brother. I'm sure he won't admit that I told him.

Lt. Columbo

I would tend to agree with that, yes.

Lt. Columbo

It's a shame that two brothers don't get along like that.

MHMichael Hathaway

Which one of them do you suspect?

Lt. Columbo

I beg your pardon?

MHMichael Hathaway

[laughs] Come now, Lieutenant.

Lt. Columbo

Well, sir, the trouble there is it seems to me they both have pretty good motives. I'm very big on motive.

PMrs. Peck

Bum! You are a bum! Putting your stinking cigar butt in this silver antique dish! [showing dish to lawyer] You see this!

Lt. Columbo

I thought it was an ashtray. I have one at home that looks exactly like that.

Lt. Columbo

Mrs. Peck? Mrs. Peck, I made a very poor introduction of myself to you. I know that. I'm a stranger in your house that you love and I'm here to do something that's not very pleasant so I don't expect you to like me. But I have feelings too, Mrs. Peck. Now I'm sorry about being untidy. That's something that I can't control. That's a fault of mine that I, I, I don't know, I just can't correct that. I've tried many years. I'm just very untidy, that's my nature. But I've never been un-, I've never been rude to you, Mrs. Peck. And, and if you keep on treating me like an enemy just because I'm here trying to find who killed the man you worked for for 33 years, well, then, well then I think you're a very unfair person. [leaves]

PMrs. Peck

Lt. Columbo! [Columbo returns] I know that you're a very hard-working officer and I would like to offer you a plate of Mr. Paris's favorite health cookies and a glass of milk.

Lt. Columbo

Thank you. I'm extremely fond of health cookies.

Lt. Columbo

They were written with a black eyebrow pencil. I spotted it right away because that's what my wife always uses when she makes out her grocery list. When she goes into her purse that's the only kind of pencil she can ever find.

Then you're wasting your time here, aren't you Lieutenant?

Lt. Columbo

What do you mean?

You're talking to a redhead. Brunettes use black eyebrow pencil.

Lt. Columbo

Say, Miss Scott? Can I ask you a personal question?

Lt. Columbo

It's, uh, well, you know it has to do with these pictures. You always wear a beauty mark. Only, this morning you don't have it on.

Oh, is that all? It's just one of those things I never do before lunch time, darling. Bye-bye.

Lt. Columbo

No. What I was wondering about was, uh, how do you put those things on? I mean, do you stick 'em on or do you paint 'em on or, uh... [she just stares at him] Well, I can tell you're not interested and your mind's someplace else. Don't worry about it. I'll ask somebody else.

Oh, no, Lieutenant. I don't mind telling you. I use an eyebrow pencil, of course. A black one.

Lt. Columbo

You two didn't have a fight or anything, did you?

JSJoan Stacey

No, but...

Columbo

Maybe he got cold feet. That's been known to happen. Was he married before?

JSJoan Stacey

Three times.

Lt. Columbo

Three times? I guess his feet are warm enough by now.

That's ironic.

Lt. Columbo

Sir?

Well, I-I'm probably one of the few men in the world that could have told you that wine was spoiled and-and told you it was because it was overheated.

Lt. Columbo

Yes, sir. It required a very delicate palate.

Lt. Columbo

I want you to teach me everything you know.

WEWine Expert

It took me forty years to acquire my expertise.

Lt. Columbo

Well, what can you do in an hour and a half?

WEWine Expert

Oh, just the very basics.

Lt. Columbo

Let's start with this-- How can you tell a good wine from an average wine?

WEWine Expert

By the price.

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