Numbuh 1 quotes from Codename: Kids Next Door

Numbuh 1

...And Numbuh 2...

Yes, sir!

Numbuh 1

Stir the ship, we're about to hit the mountain.

You DARE to challenge ME!

Bring it on, Limburger Lips!

ARGH! [both throw a little ball and tried to shoot it in one of the fishbowls, but failed]

Aw!

Boys and girls, we have an exclusive interview here, Numbuh 1, your team is in dead last. You've been spanked by Spankulot, yelled at by Numbuh 362, and embarrassed by her little brother.

Numbuh 1

[irritated] Is there a question in there?

Indeed there is. The world is dying to know: Will you go to Numbuh 363's funeral?

Numbuh 1

Huh? What'd you mean?

Haven't you heard? Numbuh 363 is going after the item worth the most points ever!

[dramatically] Father's pipe!

Numbuh 1

What are you doing here? Father is way out of your lead!

Don't touch me! Don't ever touch me! And if you think I'm letting you get to Father's pipe before I do, you're crazy!

We're not here for the pipe, kid!

Yeah, we're here to rescue your big, dumb squirrel teeth!

I don't need rescuing! Especially from a couple of hasbeens like you old farts!

Come here, you! [tries to attack Numbuh 363, but his team holds him back]

Look, why don't we all just get out of here before Father hears us?

Whose side are you on, Sonya?!

Everyone's! We're all supposed to be on the same team!

Fine! Go, then! I'll do this alone.

Numbuh 1

[Grabs Numbuh 363's shoulder] You've got a lot to learn about teamwork, 363.

[fired up] Don't... TOUCH ME!!!!!!!!!

[wakes up, in shock] Huh? What? WHAT?! Hey, who's there?!

Months later, when I became Supreme Commander of the KND, I had to order Numbuh 363's decommissioning! Not because he got too old, but because of his "freaking out!" whenever someone touched him!

In light-man's parliaments, he went 200% bananas. Reminds me of a fellow student botching a liver biopsy in my second year at med school at Harvard.

So, what happened next?

[wakes up after snoring] Well, suffice it to say, Father was not happy finding us in his house. [returns to the past]

[furiously] I AM NOT HAPPY FINDING YOU IN MY HOUSE!

Numbuh 363, are you all right?

[In pain, happily takes out the pipe] I won! [Holds up the pipe] I got the pipe!

[Shocked, she grabs Numbuh 363 by his shirt] Is that all you can think about?! Sector V just saved your life, and all you say is, "I won"?! [Takes the pipe from Numbuh 363] Give me that! [Drops Numbuh 363 on the floor]

Here, Numbuh 1. You deserve this more than us.

[Defeated] Nooo...!

[Shoves his yo-yo into Numbuh 363's mouth] Cork it, Harvey!

Take our ship. It's got all our scavenger hunt stuff in it. If you hurry, you can catch up to those Delightful dorks and win this thing, for all the Kids Next Door.

Numbuh 1

Thanks, Sonia.

Looks like Father's coming back!

That's right, so get going, Numbuh 1! We'll hold him off!

Numbuh 1

No way! My place is with you, guys.

We'll take care of it, just go. And make sure you save us some cake when you win.

Numbuh 1

But what about-

[Angrily pushes Numbuh 1] Just go already! Hmph! Does that guy want a personalized invitation or something?!

So, Numbuh 1 went back to the amusement park, right?

Yep, for a one last battle with the Delightful Children. [laughs] Wait 'til you hear about it.

It's over, Nigel Uno! You're finished! It's the end. Say it.

Numbuh 1

[refuses] No.

[impatiently furious] SAY IT! IT'S THE END! SAY IT!!!

Numbuh 1

[anxiously depressed] I...I can't.

WHY NOT?!

Numbuh 1

Because... [bravely smiles] ...the Kids Next Door will NEVER end!

[In defeat] NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! [They groan, then turn and notice that there is a gap in the ride] Huh?!

Numbuh 1

I always wondered how those guys went to the bathroom together.

We have a winner: Numbuh 1 of Sector V!

[Picking his nose] Congratulations, Numbuh 1. [Takes his finger out of his nose] We knew you would be victorious. [Holds out his hand]

Numbuh 1

Um, thanks? I think.

Numbuh 1

What the-? Hey! Let go! [Muffled screaming]

Numbuh 1

The cake. It's beautiful.

Oh, that's not the cake. [Takes out a small cupcake] This is. [Eats the cupcake] It's a bit small, but it might just be the best one yet.

Numbuh 1

But if that's the cake, then what's that? [Points up to the GKND spaceship]

A spaceship, of course. Now come on, we don't have much time.

Numbuh 1

Numbuh 74.239, will you please tell me what exactly is going on around here?!

Don't you get it yet? You've been chosen to join the Galactic Kids Next Door! Only one kid from every planet is picked, and you're it! You'll leave immediately.

Numbuh 1

Leave? But-- [The scientists arrive and start dressing him in a spacesuit] Wait! Where am I going?

Out there. You don't think Earth is the only place where adult tyranny needs to be fought, do you? Why, on some planets, children have 37 parents instead of just 2.

We need kids like you to help us learn about planets that have been infected!

Numbuh 1

Infected? By what?

By adulthood. The horrible truth Nigel, is that adulthood is a disease! Sweeping the universe in an alarming rate! Without galactic-level operatives, more and more planets where kids rule will fall. By joining us, you won't be saving a neighborhood, or even a planet from adult tyranny. You will be saving the universe.

Numbuh 1

I- I understand. Just tell me when I'll be back.

Back? Oh, you can't ever come back.

Numbuh 1

What? But what about my family? What about my friends?

Your friends can't ever know. I know it's hard, but earth people just aren't ready to know about the galactic fight against adulthood. If you honor what your friends are fighting for, you'll make that sacrifice. But, as for your family.

Numbuh 1

Dad? Mom? What are you doing here?

We came to see you off, dear.

Numbuh 1

Mom, you know about all this? About the Kids Next Door?

Well of course! They were nice enough to recommission Numbuh 0 and me to say goodbye.

Numbuh 1

[Points at his mother in surprise] You were a Kids Next Door operative, too?!?

Only the first girl operative on the seventh day of the Kids Next Door, Numbuh 999 herself. And now you're going to be the first earth operative in the Galactic Kids Next Door. Do you have any idea how proud we are of you?

Numbuh 1

But they say I can't come back, that I'll never see you or my friends again.

[Tears in her eyes] You'll make all sorts of new and interesting friends out there, dear. [Crouches down in front of Numbuh 1] And as for us, well, you know we'll always be with you. [Hugs Numbuh 1] Now run along and promise to stay away from all those black holes and exploding supernovas, alright?

Numbuh 1

I promise, mom.

[Salutes Numbuh 1] Good luck, Numbuh 1. Show those galactic chaps how we Earth folks take care of business, eh?

Numbuh 1

[Salutes Monty] Yes, sir, Numbuh Ze- I mean, Dad.

Alright, off with you now, [voice breaking] before the Numbuh 0 gets all weepy and such.

Numbuh 1

[Waves to his parents] Bye, Mom. Bye, Dad. I love you.

Numbuh 1

H-How did you know I was leaving?

Well, science nerds kinda stink in keeping secrets from each other. [Gives Numbuh 1 the bag] So I put together some stuff for your trip. [Numbuh 1 takes the bag from him and puts it on] All the essentials. Yipper comics, a couple of boxes of chewy pellets, some new 2x4 tech stuff I've been working on. [Voice breaking] It's probably useless compared to what these galactic guys have, but you never know.

Numbuh 1

I'm sure your inventions will be way better, Hoagie.

I wish we were going with you. Everything's going to be new and exciting for you, and everything here is going to be the same, except you won't be with us.

Numbuh 1

I'll be with you, even if I'm a million, trillion miles away. [Extends his hand to Numbuh 2] Goodbye, old friend.

[Shakes Numbuh 1's hand] Good luck, Nigel. [Walks away]

[Cheerfully] So, what are we gonna do tomorrow, Numbuh 1?

Numbuh 1

Uh, I'm not going to be here, Numbuh 3.

Oh. Then what about the day after that?

Numbuh 1

Uh, let me explain, Kuki-

[Still cheerfully] Oh, I know you're leaving, silly! What do you think I am? An airhead or something?

Numbuh 1

[Smiles, then says gently] Never for a second.

[Tears in her eyes] We're gonna miss you a lot, Numbuh 1.

Numbuh 1

[Tears in his eyes] I'm going to miss you too, Kuki.