Numbuh 1 quotes from Codename: Kids Next Door

At ease, everyone. I've got something super-double important to tell you all. It's something that I hate to do, but simply can't wait any longer. I'd like to say...

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Numbuh 362!

Yes, Numbuh 4?

Can I go to the bathroom? Please?!

Can't it wait? I'm kind of in the middle of something important here...

But really...really... REALLY...!

[angry] Okay! Just go already!

Yes! [left for the bathroom]

What I was trying to say is that running this organization is all-consuming job. One that requires strength, patience, and your willingness to share your candy with everyone. At this point, I feel I have exhausted those very things. So it is this time, my fellow Kids Next Door, that I must say... [to Numbuh 86] TAG! You're it!

HAAAAH?! [everyone gets shocked and emptied the stadium] I'm it?! What'll I do, what'll I do?!

[just got out of the bathroom] Hey... Thought I was going to explode the... hey, where'd everybody go?

Tag! You're it!

Hey! Come back here!

Numbuh 1

Relax! It's just me.

Ugh, sorry Numbuh 1... I thought you might be it.

Numbuh 1

Yeah... wouldn't want that one now, would we?

Numbuh 1

So... Why don't you want to be it now, Rachel? Isn't it fun anymore?

Fun? Everyone knows there's nothing fun about being Supreme Leader of the Kids Next Door! That's why we have that stupid game of tag to decide who does it.

Numbuh 1

But you wanted the job back when Chad left, and you've been the best one yet! I mean, other your leadership, there's been a 60% reduction of the world's broccoli supply!

Please. It's operatives like you do the real work. I'm just stuck on the moon base doing paperwork, I don't get to go on missions anymore, I have to feed eleventy hundred kids with short attention spans organized... I just don't want to do it anymore, Nigel... So I called in a game of tag. Whoever's it at noon, leading the Kids Next Door will be their problem.

The recommissioning module. Its power source is Numbuh 0's booger. You have his DNA. You can track down the greatest hero the Kids Next Door have ever known and recommission him. You can save the world!

Numbuh 1

What are you doing, Matt?

Um, well, I never got your autograph in red.

Numbuh 1

[Jumps up onto the stage] Jeez! You are such a fan boy. [Snatches the autograph book from Numbuh 101, writes down something on it, and gives it back to him] There! Now, if you don't mind, I have an appointment with a hero. [Puts his sunglasses back on]

[Gives Numbuh 1 the K.N.D.N.A. Tracker] Don't forget the K.N.D.N.A. Tracker!

Numbuh 1

Uh- [Takes the K.N.D.N.A. Tracker from Numbuh 101] -right, then. [Activates his J.E.T.A.B.O.O.T.S.] Wish me luck! [Flies off through the hole in the ceiling with the Recommissioning Module and the K.N.D.N.A. Tracker]

[Wipes a tear from his eye while watching Numbuh 1 fly off through the hole in the ceiling] Wow. [Looks at his autograph book] Finally, I've got Numbuh 1's autograph in- [Discovers what Numbuh 1 wrote on his autograph book] Hey! You're not George Washington! Oh! I hate when you guys do stuff like that. [Walks away] It ruins the whole autograph book. I mean, seriously.

Hurry up with that device, will ya!?

Look, this wouldn't be easy for me even if I had the right tools.

Typical boy. Always an excuse for everything!

You're no picnic yourself, Numbuh 86. You really need to lighten up. Try yoga or something.

Numbuh 1

[Picks up the Recommissioning Module] Okay, Numbuh 0. Let's recommission you again. [The Recommissioning Module falls apart] No! Not now! You can't break now!

Hello, son.

Numbuh 1

Dad?

If you're watching this, then we've won. Congratulations. You're probably wondering why the Recommissioning Module is broken. Well, I broke it. I had a hunch you might want to use it to get Numbuh 0 back. Well- look, I would love to have tons more adventures with the super cool Numbuh 1 and his team, but I'm- just not a kid anymore. I'm an adult, and I need to complete the most important mission of my life, being a good father to my son. So you're the keeper of the book now, Nigel. That's right. Keep a stiff upper lip, and make sure everyone gets to write their own crackerjack story. [Salutes Numbuh 1]

I say, what's going on around here, old bean? You kids building one of your two-four techno-bob thingies?

Numbuh 1

No, Dad. [Hugs Monty. Monty hugs him back] I was just playing with an old friend.

[annoyed after Numbuh 4 hurt his baby brother, Joey's feelings] Ugh. Nice brotherly love there, Mr. Sensitive.

We don't have time for stupid babies getting in our way! We've got to get the rest of the Kids Next Door out and stop those other two robots from making everything so safe! It's no fun anymore!

That's a good one, son!

Numbuh 1

And I have no idea what I just said.

Numbuh 1

You want to get your hand off me?!

You want to make me?!

Numbuh 1

I don't make trash. I just burn it!

And I don't eat me chips in a lorry when the vicar's pushing the pram across the square!

Numbuh 1

And I don't- what on earth's a lorry?!

Well, it's 2000 hours! So where's Mr. You-Better-Not-Be-Late-Or-Else?

Maybe his watch broke.

Unpossible. Numbuh 1 always wears two back-up watches.

Don't worry, he'll show. [smacks Numbuh 4's hand as he plays with his watch] Stop playing with your watch, Numbuh 4! It won't make Numbuh 1 get here any sooner.

Well, we can't wait any longer, otherwise, we'll miss our opportunity. The villains don't get together in one spot very often.

Yeah. Numbuh 1 will catch up when he gets here.

If he ever does get here.

So what are all these cruddy villains getting together for, anyways?

Pipe down, it's starting!

Are you kidding? That plan will never work. [back at the treehouse] I can't believe that plan worked!

And no thanks to Numbuh 1.

Yeah. Maybe he's our weak link.

[Looks down the open roof window] Ooh, that looks like a fun party! There's streamers, and balloons, and- [Discovers what she sees down the open roof window] -salad?

Numbuh 1

[Grabs Lizzie by her arms] That is not a fun party, Lizzie. [Points down at the open roof window] Those are school principals down there, and they're planning to turn our recess into a permanent workcamp.

Well, what's wrong with a little old-fashioned work instead of goofing around on the playground?! Recess is dumb!

Numbuh 1

Well, if recess is dumb, then I don't want to be smart. There is a school. No. A world of kids out there who live for a little bit of time when they can turn off their brains, and play tag, swing on swings, and slide down the slide.

But what about our date?

Numbuh 1

This isn't about us, Lizzie. [Holds Lizzie's head] It's about preserving what we were meant to do. It's about- playing. But if you think one date is more important than saving a lifetime of recesses, then so be it. I'll abort the mission and leave with you.

[Crying, hugs Numbuh 1 from behind] Oh, Nigie! That was so beautiful!

Numbuh 1

Uh, thanks.

Numbuh 1

Where- Where am I?

[Standing at the doorway] Kids Next Door Moonbase Hospital. [Walks over to Numbuh 1] Your teammates brought you here after you were knocked out by one of the Toiletnator's potty bombs.

Numbuh 1

How long have I been out?

[Writes on a clipboard] Well, only about ten minutes or so.

Numbuh 1

That's impossible! It had to be longer than that! I was in some other world where I was the President! And, ooh, ooh, they wanted me to sign a bill that would destroy the Kids Next Door! It was a test or something!

You need better hair than that to be President. Come on. [Numbuh 1 gets down from the bed] Let's get some cake and ice cream in you to get your strength back up.

Numbuh 1

But it wasn't a dream! It was more than that!