Okay, that's it. We're going back to our roots! Nothing but old school Clerks!
[cartoon animals come out of nowhere]
CDCartoon Donkey
Yup! We're keepin' it real!
Those rides are put together by junkies and alcoholics.
No they're not.
AAlcoholic
Do you guys sell Elmer's Glue and thumbtacks? We're trying to put together a Tilt-A-Whirl.
JJunkie
Do you guys sell black tar heroin?
No, and no.
AAlcoholic
Well, rubber bands it is.
I've gotta try Caitlin again. She's gonna think I stood her up!
Ah, the old "stand 'em up and make 'em think you couldn't care less about 'em". Randal's first rule of dating etiquette.
You haven't had a date in two years!
Randal's second rule of dating etiquette.
What?! Caitlin has a kissing booth? Like for charity?
Yeah, only it don't cost nothin', and it's not for charity.
[Jay leaves, and comes back in a short time later.]
And there's no booth.
[Jay leaves and comes back again.]
And it's more than just kissing.
[Jay leaves and comes back again.]
And you don't have to be a guy.
[Jay leaves and comes back again.]
Dude, she's cheating on you.
No time, man. Me and Silent Bob have an appointment at the gorilla cage. We've come to the conclusion that we need more gorillas in our empty lives.
I told you hating the Golden Girls would result in something like this!
I regret nothing! Sic semper, Bea Arthur.
Uh, hi. This is USA Today. We're polling Americans on their spelling acumen for one of those cool color graphs we do. Could you please spell the phrase "I cup"?
PCPresident Clinton
I, I don't understand.
What's to understand? Just spell, "I cup,".
PCPresident Clinton
I don't get it.
Man, I-C-U-P, get it? (I see you pee.)
[Cut to Air Force One's bathroom; President Clinton is on the toilet]
PCPresident Clinton
Y-you do?
What? Sure, whatever. Bye.
[Dante and Randal in a blank room]
Where are we?
This is The Matrix, Neo.
I'm not Neo, and this isn't The Matrix.
Oh yeah? Beef jerky.
[rows of jerky suddenly appear, Randal takes one and eats it]
Mmm, The Matrix is telling my brain this is turkey jerky.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Clerks: The Animated Series pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.