Grams Halliwell quotes from Charmed

Paige

Oh, my goodness, don't tell me you're already interviewing nannies.

Grams

Paige. You're even more beautiful than I imagined.

Paige

And you are?

Grams

Why, I'm your Grams of course. Come here.

Paige

No offense, but, uh, aren't you supposed to be dead?

Grams

Oh, I'm over that.

Paige

Can someone please tell me how I got in a coffin?

Grams

You were dead, dear. But, on the bright side, at least now we have something in common.

Piper

Grams... meet the next generation of Halliwells. (she gives Grams the baby) Baby Wyatt!

Grams

Wyatt? (she laughs) That's a silly name for a girl, isn't it?

Phoebe

Grams! It's a boy! (her grandmother stares at her) Look at the outfit!

Paige

(in disbelief) You didn't know?

Grams

Well, no, I - I just assumed it was a... what went wrong?

Leo

(offended) Wrong?

Grams

(backtracking) Oh well, I don't mean 'wrong' wrong, it's just that we've... (staring at Wyatt with some mistrust) always had... girls.

Piper

(determinedly upbeat) And now we have a boy!

Grams

Now they'd be better off with a dog. More loyal and they die sooner.

Leo

Excuse me?

Grams

Oh... (chuckles) Don't mind me. You know, I never have very much luck with men.

Leo

But you've been married four times.

Grams

Exactly.

Grams

And, you know, men are just so...

Paige

Evil! That's what they are. They are just plain evil.

Piper

Oh. I take it Nate wasn't too happy about you being a witch.

Paige

Oh, Nate was fine with my being a witch. It's maybe his wife that would have had a problem.

Piper

He's married?

Paige

Yeah. With two kids.

Piper

Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.

Grams

I told you she should have gotten a dog.

Phoebe

What's going on here?

Piper

Your grandmother hates her grandson. That's what's going on.

Grams

That's not true.

Piper

Oh, I'm sorry, you just hate men, is that correct?

Grams

You and Paige moved out? When?

Phoebe

A few weeks ago. But we're handling everything.

Grams

Dear, you have Paige stuck in the past and a demonic blob roaming the manor. Exactly how are you handling things?

Piper

Where's Wyatt?

Chris

He's in the living room.

Phoebe

What about Grams?

Leo

She... didn't make it. (The basement door opens. Grams walks out, coughing.)

Grams

Nonsense. You can't damage an old war horse like me. I'm already dead.

Patty

It's okay, Mom, you just fainted.

Grams

Well of course I fainted, you're dead!

Phoebe

Are you getting any of this?

Paige

Whatever...as long as we're alive again that's all I care about. Plus, it's really nice to see you guys again!

Patty

Actually, we've never met.

Paige

Yes, we have, but you were ghost. (the look on Patty's face suddenly changed) Oh, does she know?

Grams

Yes, we know, we're both dead by now. We're over it.

Patty

Speak for yourself.

Grams

Mmm, that's not nearly enough. Here, let me do it.

Piper

Wha--I think I know how to do it after all this time.

Paige

It's Billie and Christy. They're not demons.

Grams

Well, they might as well be after all you've told me, which means we can't take any chances. (pauses) I can't get over how big this book has gotten. I'm so proud of you girls.

Piper

Then why won't you let me stir?

Grams

Uh, Piper, why don't you get that?

Piper

Paige, why don't you get that?

Paige

Okay, I'll get that. (rolls eyes)

Paige

Hey! What are you doing here?

Henry

What am I doing here? I'm looking for my wife. She didn't come home last night. Are you okay?

Paige

Yes, I'm okay! Of course I'm okay! I mean, we weren't "okay" okay, but now we're okay and in the future I think we're gonna be... I think we're gonna be more than okay.

Henry

(stares blankly) Okay.

Grams

Don't tell me she marries a Whitelighter too.

Piper

Worse. A mortal.

Grams

Oh, good God. Didn't I teach you girls anything?

Piper

Hey, what can I say? There's always Uncle Coop!