Leo Wyatt quotes from Charmed

Piper

He works with numbers all day. You know how Phoebe is with math. They have absolutely nothing in common.

Leo

You're right. We- we should just vanquish him.

Piper

Honey?

Leo

Yeah?

Piper

Zip it.

Leo

You're getting your first charge.

Paige

Are you serious?

Leo

Yeah, well the Elders aren't exactly known for their sense of humor.

Paige

That is so great. I am now Paige Matthews, whitelighter-witch... I'm a hyphenate.

Piper

I can't handle this right now.

Leo

What? I told you I was going to have to break a few rules.

Piper

No, no, no. You don't understand, this is the least of our problems. Which ought to give you and idea how bad our problems actually are!

Leo

Come on, it can't be that bad.

Piper

Unless I am mistaken, Cole has teamed up with Jerich and tricked me into getting Paige possessed and Phoebe mummified.

Paige

Leo, we saw Phoebe and Cole's tongues locked, hands groping all over each other.

Leo

Ok, didn't need the visual.

Leo

Okay, well, maybe she's under a spell... or-or maybe there were some information that she wanted and she was using sex as a tool?

Piper

Okay, I like the sound of that. Sluttly and manipulative. That's better than evil any day.

Paige

(after leaping into Leo and exploding him) Ha! Now THAT is a vanquish!

Leo

(reappears) Damn it, Paige! I would appreciate it if you didn't practise on me, I may be dead but it STILL HURTS!

Paige

I am sorry, Leo, but I think I came up with the perfect way to vanquish Cole! I kept thinking 'What is it that makes him so indestructible?' and then I thought 'It's his protection shield!' so I came up with a potion that makes me invisible long enough so I can get past it, say a spell and blow him up from the inside!

Leo

Firstly, congratulations, cool potion.

Paige

Thank you! (she curties)

Leo

Secondly, it will never work.

Phoebe

What about water birth, can we do that at home?

Yeah, we could rent a tub.

Piper

What am I, a dolphin? I'm not giving birth to fish!

Leo

Well, actually dolphins aren't fish, they're mammals.

Piper

Shut up!

Piper

Did you guys try to vanquish Belthazor ever?

Paige

No, but you and Prue almost tried! You guys had a vanquishing potion, right?

Piper

How do you know that...?

Paige

Book of Shadows. Also says that it needs a piece of his flesh to make it work.

Leo

That's right, it did.

Piper

(she looks at him, then at Paige) All right then. (takes out a dagger) Let's go hunting.

Leo

It doesn't take a shrink to figure out Piper's dreams. You wanna screw somebody else.

Piper

Well at least he makes me feel sexy and not like some walking incubator. Although I guess that's what you've been dreaming about.

Leo

What about me!

Piper

Honey, we've got our own dreams to deal with, and the tracer. We'll deal with your Mr. Mom issues later.

Leo

Whoa, what'd I miss?

Piper

A lot!

Paige

Victor needs help!

Phoebe

Ok, breathe. Keep breathing, keep breathing. Don't forget to breathe. Very good! Relax. Relax.

Piper

Dad!

Victor

Yeah, honey?

Piper

I'm sorry about your demon wife.

Victor

Oh, hush. Don't think about that.

Leo

I'm right here, baby.

Phoebe

You okay? You okay? Ok, you're doing great. You're doing great. Push, okay? Last push.

Piper

I can't.

Phoebe

You have to. A big one. Big one! Push!

Leo

You can do it.

Piper

I can't.

Phoebe

You can. You can.

Paige

Yes, you can.

Phoebe

You're gonna be okay. Push. Push! Push!

Paige

Oh, I think the magic is coming back.

Phoebe

Here we go. Here we go! Oh, I see a shoulder. And another shoulder. And an arm, another arm. Oh, and something else. Something else.

Piper

What? What?

Phoebe

Hi, baby. Hi. Okay. Okay. Look!

Paige

Oh. Is that what I think it is?

Leo

You mean, I got a boy?

Phoebe

Here you go, mama.

Piper

Hi. Hi, little guy. What are you doing? Look what we did.

Leo

I see.

Paige

It's a miracle.

Piper

A little miracle.

Phoebe

He's beautiful.

Piper

Oh. You are safe, you are loved, and you are wise.

Phoebe

Yeah well, Prudence Melinda might get him in trouble at school.

Paige

I'm thinking that's probably true, although he could just zap them onto a roof like Harry Potter would or something.

Piper

After seeing what the kid can do inside the womb, he's no Muggle.

Phoebe

Hey, what about Potter? Potter Halliwell? Or is it Wyatt?

Leo

No, it's definitely Halliwell. Demons fear it, good magic respects it, and I want what's best for him. That's why I'm going to say no to Potter.

Leo

How'd it go with the new boss?

Phoebe

Oh, Jason Dean? I want to bear his children, but that's besides the point.