Phoebe Halliwell quotes from Charmed

Prue

Some of us have a job.

Phoebe

Some of us have fun.

Piper

And some of us are having a really bad hair day.

Phoebe

Hey, I have an idea. Why don’t we throw a party and charge admission. It’s a great way to make extra cash.

Prue

Hey, I have an even better idea. Why don’t you just get a job?

Piper

Leave it to me to fall for a dead guy.

Phoebe

It's an improvement. At least he wasn't a warlock.

Prue

Phoebe, you have to save him. You can’t let him out of your sight.

Phoebe

Oh, don’t worry. I waited until he went to sleep, and then I broke a key off in his door to lock him in. He’s safe ‘till morning. (silence) Hey, wait. That’s it? You’re not going to get mad at me?

Prue

You were trying to do something good… and now you’re going to get to do something… wonderful. I couldn’t ask for a better birthday present than that.

Phoebe

I am so busted, aren’t I?

Piper

Are you out of your mind again?

Phoebe

No. I’m the Amazing Phoebe.

Piper

This is not funny. Our powers are supposed to be a secret, not a marketable job skill.

Piper

I've never seen anybody killed before.

Phoebe

Jeremy.

Prue

Javna.

Piper

I mean humans.

Piper

So, what’s up?

Phoebe

I, uh, I found this spell. "How to attract a lover".

Piper

No, Phoebe. Forget it. We’re not casting any spells.

Phoebe

Come on. There must be more to our powers than warlock wasting. I’m ready to have some fun with our magic.

Piper

No. No personal gain, remember?

Phoebe

How is it personal gain, if we’re using our powers to bring happiness to another person. And in my case lots and lots of happiness...

Phoebe

You want a man who is single, smart, endowed?

Piper

Employed.

Are your parents terrorists? Cause, baby, you're the bomb.

Jim, Jim, ask her if it hurt when she fell.

Phoebe

Uh, excuse me?

When you fell from Heaven. Did it hurt? Cause I know an angel when I see one.

Phoebe

I'm no angel. I'm a witch. But don't tell my sisters I told you.

Prue

Ok, so it's time to shower, shampoo and go kick some Hecate butt.

Phoebe

Did she just say shower?

Piper

She did, didn't she?

Hot water!

Phoebe

Ok, I can't hold it any longer. Your name isn't Piper, and that's the good news. You're really Hecate, Queen of the Underworld, you're pregnant with a demon child, which means...I'm afraid I have to kill you.

Piper

What?!

Prue

Phoebe, what is it that you saw exactly?

Phoebe

Well, I-I saw the thing being born.

Prue

Did you see Piper?

Phoebe

Yes, I saw her legs.

Prue

Never saw her face?

Phoebe

No.

Piper

Hello, bickering sisters. I'm not pregnant but I am in the room.

Phoebe

Okay, Piper tell me the truth. Am I a boyfriend thief?

Piper

Totally.

Phoebe

Besides Roger. Whom, by the way, Prue, I never touched.

Piper

My boyfriend, Billy Wilson.

Phoebe

[chuckles] Bill-- Will-- Eighth grade Billy Wilson?

Piper

You kissed him at homecoming.

Phoebe

I did not kiss him at homecoming.

Piper

Oh, please. You were all over him, with your breasts all...whatever.

Phoebe

I didn't even have breasts back then.

Piper

Phoebe, you've always had breasts.

Piper

So you know... it's not like either one of us has a problem finding guys...

Phoebe

Please.

Piper

So if one of us got Leo, it'd be ok with the other one.

Phoebe

Absolutely.

Piper

So we can just consider this a friendly competition.

Phoebe

Sibling rivalry.

Piper

War.

Phoebe

Exactly!

Phoebe

Piper, what do you really think about your boss?

Piper

I think he's a self-serving jerk who must have a very small penis...(Piper, Phoebe and Prue all gasp/laugh) Oh my God, I'm gonna be so fired!