Phoebe Halliwell quotes from Charmed

Piper

We did learn that we have some issues to work on. Like somebody need to get a life first.

Leo

And one of us needs to be wife first.

Phoebe

Oh, easy on the rhyming. No more spells.

Piper

Are you sure I can't get you anything? Coffee? Tea? A saucer of milk?

Phoebe

Very funny.

Paige

A little funny.

No, I'm fine. Although, I wouldn't mind some kibble. If you've got any.

Piper

That's not funny.

Phoebe

I did something really bad! I slept with my boss!

Piper

Jason!?

Phoebe

No Elise...yes of course Jason!

Piper

We need Phoebe!

Phoebe

Hello?

Piper

Ask and you shall receive!

Jason

Isn't that your sister?

Phoebe

Yeah...Paige!

Jason

She's one of the Godiva girls?!

Phoebe

Well thanks to me, my paper's going to get an exclusive on her because I slept with Jason!

Piper

Oh good, so this is all your fault then?

Phoebe

Uh huh.

Piper

Perfect.

Phoebe

Are we back to blaming you again?

Piper

Yep.

Phoebe

Just checking.

Phoebe

Oh my God! Piper, you're blind!

Piper

Yeah, Phoebe, I just said that, now could we talk about how a monkey could do that.

Phoebe

What did she say?

Piper

What did who say? The monkey? The monkey didn't say anything, he covered my eyes and stole my eyesight.

Phoebe

I think the monkey stole your eyesight when he covered your eyes!

Piper

Ugh, Phoebe, are you listening to me? That's just what I said.. ugh, you are acting like you can't even hear me.

Phoebe

Oh Piper it's no use, I can't even hear you. The monkey stoled my hearing.

Paige

[mouths] What are you doing?

Phoebe

[yells] I lost my hearing during the biggest of my life! I can't hear a thing! [Paige motions to Phoebe to quieten down] What!? I can't hear you! [Paige motions again to quieten down and points to her ear. Phoebe lowers her voice] Oh, okay, okay. I need your help. Magic has got to be behind this. [Paige scratches her head and side and acts like a monkey] What are you doing? Oh, I get it! I get it! Charades! Okay, ya, ya. [Paige acts like a monkey again] You're a monkey. [Paige nods] Okay. You're a monkey. [Paige gets a ferocious look on her face] Ooh, you're an angry monkey. You're pissed, you're... PMS monkey? [Paige looks at her oddly] No, no, of course not. Okay. [Paige makes an invisible ball with her hands and throws it] Ball? [She then makes an explosion with her hands] Fireball! [She acts out the monkey again and the fireball] A demon monkey stole my hearing! [Phoebe points to her ear, Paige points to her mouth.] And your voice too? [Paige nods] Oh, honey!

Piper

What about Leo?

Phoebe

Oh no, did I kill the hag too soon?

Piper

Oh, if she hurt him, you know, I'm going to have to revive her and kill her again.

Piper

Everything okay?

Paige

Better than okay. I am gonna have a love life.

Phoebe

You're making a love potion?

Paige

No, I'm making a stun potion.

Piper

So that lovers will be stunned by you?

Paige

No, so that Kazis will be stunned by me.

Phoebe

You're in love with a Kazi demon'?

Paige

[sighing exasperatedly] Stay with me, people.

Piper

Grams... meet the next generation of Halliwells. (she gives Grams the baby) Baby Wyatt!

Grams

Wyatt? (she laughs) That's a silly name for a girl, isn't it?

Phoebe

Grams! It's a boy! (her grandmother stares at her) Look at the outfit!

Paige

(in disbelief) You didn't know?

Grams

Well, no, I - I just assumed it was a... what went wrong?

Leo

(offended) Wrong?

Grams

(backtracking) Oh well, I don't mean 'wrong' wrong, it's just that we've... (staring at Wyatt with some mistrust) always had... girls.

Piper

(determinedly upbeat) And now we have a boy!

Phoebe

What's going on here?

Piper

Your grandmother hates her grandson. That's what's going on.

Grams

That's not true.

Piper

Oh, I'm sorry, you just hate men, is that correct?

Piper

Grams was alive when she banished the Necromancer, right?

Phoebe

Right.

Piper

Okay, well, now she's dead!

Paige

You sound so happy about that.

Phoebe

Well my boyfriend moved to Hong Kong, I'm thoroughly depressed, but I still managed to sign up six people. and you have?

Paige

I have none people.

Phoebe

Hmm. None people.