Phoebe Halliwell quotes from Charmed

Phoebe

Yes, Printing!

Piper

Hi, Saving!

Paige

I can't believe I destroyed the house.

Phoebe

What I can't believe is what you almost saw in the hotel room. If you had gotten there five minutes earlier...

Piper

Lalala! Oversharing.

Phoebe

Cole wants us to get our own place

Paige

What, you mean move out?

Phoebe

Yeah, you know, like normal married couples do.

Piper

We didn't.

Phoebe

Yeah, but you're not normal.

Phoebe

So what's going on, is there a demon convention in San Francisco or what?

Piper

Yes, there is a demonic electoral college, they've called a meeting and they're voting in a new source!

Piper

Maybe this is more than just being run down. Maybe you're pregnant.

Phoebe

That is funny. Actually, it's not so funny.. I went to the drugstore, I got a test, a peed on a stick and I anxiously awaited the results in two minutes.

Piper

And?

Phoebe

And, it was negative, thankfully.

Piper

Yeah, well, mine was too.

Piper

Manticore?

Phoebe

Bites, but doesn't fly.

Piper

Phoenix?

Phoebe

Flies, but doesn't bite.

Piper

Chupacabra!

Phoebe

I'm pregnant.

Piper

You're what?

Paige

Oh my God, from Cole?

Phoebe

You're lying, I can see your wisdom teeth.

Paige

I don't have wisdom teeth.

Piper

Phoebe, you're evil. You're like the Queen of All Evil. Literally.

Phoebe

That's beside the point.

Piper

How, how, how could you do that? How could you just let him go?

Phoebe

I don't know why you're so upset, we saved the innocent, didn't we?

Piper

I can't talk to her. You talk to her!

Leo

Phoebe...

Phoebe

Things are not as black and white as they used to be, ok? I can't just go around and kill demons anymore.

Paige

Why not? We heard you just killed two last night.

Phoebe

Yeah, well that was different, he was getting on my nerves. I promised Cole I wouldn't kill anymore. And killing Malick would have been a huge betrayal.

Piper

Malick? You're on a first-name basis with the demons?

Leo

If you were just gonna order him to stop, you could have done that on your own. Why did you even come to us?

Phoebe

Because I missed you guys! Okay? Is that so wrong? I missed you!

Leo

Phoebe, you can't be the Queen of the Underworld and a Charmed One. You can't have it both ways.

Phoebe

Why not? Just because it's different doesn't mean that it can't work. And you all miss me too, even though I'm sure Piper probably doesn't want to admit it to herself.

Paige

Of course, we miss you, honey.

Phoebe

Well, you can have me back. You can have the Power of Three back. You just have to be willing to meet me halfway.

Piper

Phoebe, you can't protect the innocent and save demons. It just doesn't work that way.

Phoebe

Apparently, it does. He's alive, isn't he?

Paige

Yeah, but your friend Malick is gonna come back.

Phoebe

You don't know that.

Piper

That's what they do, Phoebe. They come back. They snarl, and come back.

Paige

Yeah, and now we have to worry about protecting him instead of trying to save you.

Phoebe

You think I need saving?

Piper

Are you kidding me? That baby inside you has corrupted you, more than you think.

Phoebe

Piper...

Piper

Don't Piper me. This is insane. What are you saying is insane. You can not come back. You can not work with us, as long as you're married to the Source.

Phoebe

So what do you want me to do?! You want me to leave my husband?!

Piper

Yes!

Phoebe

That is not fair!

Leo

It's not fair Phoebe, but you have to pick a side. Good or evil. That's how it works. Even though it means giving up someone you love, you have to choose.

Phoebe

I'm really sorry you feel that way. (she disappeares in the flame) .

Piper

I can't do this. (walks away)

Paige

What about Greg?

Oh no, not again.

Elise

Dear Betrayed, I suggest you beat your cheating husband with his secretary's stapler. Then he'll think twice before bending her over her desk again.

Phoebe

Well it might be a little harsh, but I think it makes a point.

Phoebe

You killed him?

Cole

It was... your mess, I was just cleaning it up.

Phoebe

Cole, they're gonna come after you. They're gonna come here!"

Cole

Well, if they do...

Phoebe

No... (walks away)

Cole

Phoebe, if it comes to either them or us... Phoebe, wait.

Phoebe

Oh, God. (runs inside the bathroom and empties her stomach)

Piper

What happened?!

Phoebe

Well it's about time! My head was on fire like a tiki torch a few seconds ago.

Piper

Do not change the subject! Did your baby just electrocute the nice doctor man?!

Phoebe

Yeah, I think so. But he was just protecting himself because that gel was really cold.

Phoebe

Piper, what is going on here?

Piper

I don't know, but don't panic, we'll wrap up here and we'll go home and panic!

Cole

This is the Wasteland, where all vanquished demons end up. The beast feeds on their essence, their powers.

Phoebe

So what are you dong here?

Cole

Hanging on to our love.