EEthel
There's a finish line! The tribal shield is as good as mine...
[Handicap campers cheering]
WHWheelchair Handicap Camper
We did it!
We did it! 1. 2. 3. 4. No dead kids!
I can't believe I'm saying this, but Steve's tribe is the winner!
PHProgeria Handicap camper
Is this a fucking trash can lid?
PDPigmentation Disorder Handicap camper
Here you go, Steve. You finally deserve this. You are the world's best counselor.
PDPigmentation Disorder Handicap camper
To be honest, we all were pretty sure you'll find some way to kill us.
I think this shrunk up a little.
EEthel
Who the hell set the thermostat to 38 degrees?
EEthel
Woody, that is such a waste of energy! Don't you care about our planet at all?
[babbles mockingly] Oh, shut up, Ethel. Our planet is fine. It was here 2,015 years before me, and it'll be here 2,015 years after me.
EEthel
Wow. Don't you know anything about the history of the Earth?
I know plenty. Here's a free history lesson. Listen and learn.
[After 2,015 years ago]
[offscreen] ♪ Jesus! Came to Earth in a ball of fire. Jesus! He killed all the dinosaurs. Jesus! Uppercutting T-Rex. Jesus! Karate kick that motherfucker. Jesus! Making oil for Republicans. Jesus! ♪
And that's pretty much it. Cue the theme song.
♪ Happy Dappy Bird, I love Dappy Bird, I have no life, and I'm dead on the inside, Happy Dappy Bird! ♪ Hey! Why'd you throw away my phone?
EEthel
Because it's up to us to counterbalance the damage that Woody is doing to this planet. We've got to go green and cut our carbon footprints to zero.
Can I at least keep my vibrator? It's green.
EEthel
I'm pretty sure it was white when you bought it. I feel like we've made some good progress here. I can feel Mother Earth healing.
[engine revving; parade music]
Hey, Ethel, how do you like my "Global Warming's Bullshit" parade?
EEthel
Shut up, Connie. This whole thing is a "fuck you" to me.
What makes you feel that way?
[laughing] Every float expands my carbon footprint, including the Woody Johnson musical farting cows.
[Cows farting in "1812 Overture"]
[laughing] Now, how can that not put a smile on your face?
What? How could you hate cows?
There's something off about them. They're always watching us with those dead eyes. It's like they're planning something.
Well, let's go say hello.
[laughs] Hey, everybody, Malloy's scared of cows!
Okay, maybe a little. But it's because of my animal instinct. I have heightened senses. Trust me, I don't want this gift. [sniffs] Connie, it's going to be a heavy flow day.
Well, I think cows are cool, especially ones that can fart Mozart.
[Cows farting in "Symphony Number 40 in G Minor"]
[laughing] Oh, Ethel, you should see the look on your stupid fa..[a cow accidentally farts, poops on his head] Ahh!
EEthel
This was the worst day of my life!
This was the best day of my life! How was your day, sister Ethel?
EEthel
Greatest day ever.
Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! I think we should live here forever. I really feel at home among the "Aim-ish".
EEthel
First of all, it's "Amish"! Second, your face looks like a fat turd rolled in orangutan hair!
But at prayer service, you said I looked like Abe Lincoln raped carrot top.
EEthel
I need some alone time! [sighs] I guess I'll go read the bible by candlelight.
Aw, Ethel, I'm sorry mispronounced "Am-osh". I, uh...Hey!
Is that Happy Dappy Bird?! How could you do this after you made me throw away all my stuff?
EEthel
Living like this was just too hard.
You're a hypocrite, and you broke the rules of our "Aa-mish" people.
EEthel
I'm sorry, Connie.
Sorry?! Do you know how much it sucks using a hand-cranked vibrator?! Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go pick the splinters out of my cooch! I've been pissing toothpicks since Tuesday! [she walks, she close the door]
Brickleberry · 109 quotes
