KDr. Kuzniak
You're a very lucky man, Woody. Everything's going to be fine.
KDr. Kuzniak
[chuckles] Of course you can perform ... in stage plays, Lifetime original movies, even blackface minstrel shows. Just not pornography. You see, Woody. You're suffering from a rare ailment. Multiple sclerosis.
I have multiple sclerosis!? SHIT!
KDr. Kuzniak
Oh, Heavens no. I wish you did. I said "multiple scrote cysts". As in, multiple cysts in your scrotum. Each cyst is a little ticking time bomb. Every single bounce of your ball bag brings you closer to death.
Level with me, Doc! How many thrusts do I have left!?
KDr. Kuzniak
I can't give you an exact number, Woody but it's somewhere between, say 70 and 72.
Soooo, ... 700000 ... 1? [pronounced: seh-ven-dee-wun]
KDr. Kuzniak
[laughs] If only medicine could be that precise.
Hey, you fat furry fook! And you, too, bear!
SRSuper Rape
You stuck me with the bar tab.
KDr. Kuzniak
Your crappy insurance barely paid your deductible.
MMan
And you mauled my kids!
In fairness, that wasn't Flamey. It was a real bear he sent to your house.
MMan
Ah, okay. [leaves happy]
DDonnie
[snarls] This is it? You four think you can stop me?
Don't listen to him! He'll use his lies to try to make us turn on each other.
DDonnie
The preacher said you're a pussy.
What? [he punches Vernon]
VVernon
What's wrong with you?
Like that. That's a good example of what we shouldn't let him to.
[Donnie laughs evilly]
Oh, laugh now, antichrist. Because surprise! We've assembled an Exorcism dream team! Father Quinn!
FQFather Quinn
I'm going to need to be alone with the child. You don't have to nanny cam, right?
RMRabbi Maltzman
No, no, you stay in there, demon. As long as you're comfortable. I schlepped all the way here from Brooklyn. Eh, but don't worry about me.
And Witch Doctor Kuzniak!
KDr. Kuzniak
Lucky for us, I went to medical school in Haiti.
And Jorge! Who's seen the Exorcist seven 1/2 times and let us use his car.
I'm not with them! I'm on your side!
Come on, let me sell you my soul. I'll sign whatever contract Ben Affleck a signed. WHATEVER!
DDonnie
I was up for a challenge. This is going to be far too easy.
FQFather Quinn
The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you!
[Father Quinn dies in explosion caused Donnie's satanic powers]
DDonnie
So, who wants to choose how I will kill the rest of you?
DDonnie
You got it. By rabid hell hounds. And here we...[wailing]
I'm going to write Kate Upton a not-so-nice Yelp review. Ethel? What the hell's going on here?
We're doing an exorcism on your crazy-ass devil baby!
And we almost got blowjobs, until you showed up!
VVernon
Connie, we've got to trust the Lord. Just like it say in the Bible. If the exorcism don't go so bueno, throw that goddamn baby in a volcano. Ha!
Sorry, Connie, but it's the only way to stop the apocalypse.
You lucky we got a volcano right here. Most people with devil babies gotta pay for a plane ticket to Hawaii.
[to everybody] Screw you guys! Come on, Donnie. I'll protect you. I promise! [she runs off]
Get her! That baby owes us blowjobs! [he runs off]
Brickleberry · 109 quotes
