Steve quotes from Brickleberry

Steve

[first lines] Take it all in, kids. This is nature in all it's majesty. Welcome to Brickleberry.

Steve

[He walking away backwards, flipping Ethel off] Ooooooh! [trips and falls over a chair...gets back up and continues walking backwards, flipping Ethel off] Ooooooh! [offscreen; walking backwards almost crushing to the trash cans]

Steve

Which is cuter? I don't know. The tourist loved the squirrel. The hiker, God rest her soul, loved the rabbit. If only I could have both...but how? [goes into ultimate thinking mode] That's it! You guys just need to fuck each other!

Steve

I never told you about the ghost that ruined my childhood? It all started 25 years ago. I got up on Christmas morning and there were no presents. My dad said the ghost stole them. Then the ghost gambled away my college fund, backed over my dog, and gave my mo two black eyes on her birthday!

Steve

♪ You say love, is easy. But love is painful. But love can make you cry. But love can leave you bloody. it's not easy, but love fills you up inside. ♪

Steve

Dad, you busted more criminals in this park than any ranger, I'll find a way to make you proud. [his pants falls down] Starting now. [his spanx rip it off] Starting now. [farts] Ah, fuck it.

Only you can prevent forest...

Steve

[runs into Flamey] FIRE!!!

Steve

[He's using the shovel to beating Flamey out the fire] Hold still! I'll beat the flames out. [He continues using shovel to beating Flamey to lying on the ground, bloody, broken, and nearly dead]

I like it!

Steve

Good morning, Malloy. How are you?

Malloy

Your head is enormous.

Steve

Hey. Don't forget I'm the one who rescued you after some crazy tourist ran over both your parents.

Steve

The key to being a safe driver...[He runs over and injures Malloy's parents] Oh my God! Wait! You're both still alive! I'll go call for help! [He tries to call for help but he trips over his gun and accidentally shoots them both dead] Shit.

Woody

Malloy, you should be out there greeting all those tourists, because you're the cutest thing on the planet.

Steve

Malloy. We don't want him talking to anyone. He's a dick.

Malloy

Even your whispers sound fat.

Woody

How could you say that?! Malloy does so many thoughtful things for us.

Steve

Yeah, like what?

Woody

Like for starters he made that delicious breakfast you enjoyed this morning.

Woody

And don't forget, he planned that surprise party for Denzel.

Surprise!

Woody

Bottom line, if we don't get this park in shape they're gonna shut down Brickleberry. So, I've decided to hire someone to help get this park on a track.

Connie

A new Ranger?

Denzel

Old lady, old lady, old lady.

Woody

Yes, a new ranger she was ranger of the month at Yellowstone.

Steve

Ranger of the Month?

Connie

Sorry, that's my vagina growling.

... Well, uh, okay. Uh, I-I'm really excited to...

I'm really...

...excited...

Excited to work...

Steve

You! You're no den mother. You were here to take my ranger of the month title all along!

Woody

I'm so glad everything turned out okay.

Malloy

No, everything turned out fine. Except for the part where I was raped.

Woody

Well, Ethel, looks like you get your job back.

Malloy

Who gives a shit?! I got raped.

Woody

Uh-huh. Steve, I guess you deserve to keep this for a while. [gives Steve the ranger of the month pin]

Steve

You know what? I think it's time for a change. [He makes it look like he's gonna give the badge to Ethel but he just puts it on the other side of his shirt] Wow, looks even better on this side. It's like a whole different shirt now.

You're an asshole, you know that?

Steve

[laughing wickedly] She thinks I'm an asshole now. She doesn't even know that I spiked her coffee. Good think I'll never tell a soul. It...Wait a minute. Am I thinking this or saying this?!

You spiked my coffee!?

Steve

Oops.

Only you can prevent big vats of acid. [he gets knocked into a vat of acid by Steve, burns, and screams as he disintegrates]

I fucking love it!

Steve?

Steve

[slurring] Damn it! Come back here, chipyunk! Fight like a man!

Hey, Steve! Stop it!

Steve

Why? There is no god. What's the difference?

The difference is you're not dying. [sighs] The doctor called last week and told me. I just didn't tell you because I...I really...I really like the new Steve.

Steve

Bullshit! You're just lying to me so I don't blow Bambi's brains out. [gun cocks]

Wait, Steve! Okay! Okay! Okay. Su--Suppose you are dying. Is this really how you want to spend your last few days?

Steve

You know what? You're right. I'm wasting precious time.

Thank you.

Steve

There's way more messed up shit I've always wanted to do!

Steve

Grow! Grow, damn you, grow! Or do you want this to happen to you? They don't even respond to threats.

Denzel

We dead. I knew it.

Steve

Wait a minute. I remember something.

His testicles are producing large amounts of testosterone. He'll be full grown practically overnight. Overnight. Overnight.

Steve

That's it!

Denzel

Steve, have you lost your goddamn mind? This is your plan? bear ball juice?

Steve

It's testosterone. Didn't you see my thought bubble?

Denzel

Man, I'm getting outta here. White people do some fucked up shit.

Hello! Sorry, I'm late guys.

Steve

Pamela Anderson?

Denzel

Jackpot!

Woody

What's that skinny old man with that tit-job doing here?

Denzel

Hey, no matter what color I am on the outside, on the inside, I'll always be a dignified black man.

Steve

That makes two of us!

Steve

Hi, brown sugar. You gettin' pretty for me?

Denzel

Maybe.

Steve

These are for you.

Denzel

Oh..My..[shrieked] GOD!

Steve

Wow. You really like roses, huh?

Denzel

Oh, Woody, Woody, I love it, I love it, I love it!