SteveAlright, kids. Who's ready for some waterless, indoor, use-your-imagination swimming? Oh my god, where are they?! What do you think you're doing?!
We're just playing flashlight tag.
Steve
In a dark? Somebody's gonna get hurt. [he throws a flashlight to hit a handicap camper on a face] See? Everybody back inside!
No! we're not going back inside. And I don't want you to be my co-counselor anymore!
Steve
You want to split-up the tribe? Fine. Let's let the kids decide who they want to be with. Me, the world's best counselor, or...
FCFat Camper
Connie, we picked Connie.
Steve
What?! I guess you four are my only campers. At least you guys like me.
WHWheelchair Handicap Camper
We don't like you. You have our insulin.
Steve
And don't you fucking forget it.
There's a finish line! The tribal shield is as good as mine...
[Handicap campers cheering]
WHWheelchair Handicap Camper
We did it!
Steve
We did it! 1. 2. 3. 4. No dead kids!
I can't believe I'm saying this, but Steve's tribe is the winner!
PHProgeria Handicap camper
Is this a fucking trash can lid?
PDPigmentation Disorder Handicap camper
Here you go, Steve. You finally deserve this. You are the world's best counselor.
Steve
Wow. Thanks, guys.
PDPigmentation Disorder Handicap camper
To be honest, we all were pretty sure you'll find some way to kill us.
Steve
I think this shrunk up a little.
Who the hell set the thermostat to 38 degrees?
Steve
[shivering] Woody did.
Woody, that is such a waste of energy! Don't you care about our planet at all?
[babbles mockingly] Oh, shut up, Ethel. Our planet is fine. It was here 2,015 years before me, and it'll be here 2,015 years after me.
Wow. Don't you know anything about the history of the Earth?
I know plenty. Here's a free history lesson. Listen and learn.
[After 2,015 years ago]
Steve
[offscreen] ♪ Jesus! Came to Earth in a ball of fire. Jesus! He killed all the dinosaurs. Jesus! Uppercutting T-Rex. Jesus! Karate kick that motherfucker. Jesus! Making oil for Republicans. Jesus! ♪
And that's pretty much it. Cue the theme song.
Steve
It's beautiful, Woody.
Yeah, but trying to make carbon footprint history to making me go broke. Steve, climb to the top of that transformer and steal me some electricity.
Steve
I guess I gotta cut through this wire.
Steve, you idiot! you're gonna get electrocuted! Be safe! Use the wet, non-grounded metal hedge clippers.
Steve
Good thinking. [he uses hedge clippers to trying to cut the wire and being electrocuted]
Oh, no! Are you okay...Hedge clippers? God damn it, Steve, you melted them!
[in alternate universe]
These were my favorite hedge clippers, you dumb son of a...[An electric transformer falls onto him] Ow!
[back to original universe]
Steve
Woody, move! The transformer's going to fall and crush you. I saw it happen!
What the hell are you talking about, Steve?
Steve
Move! [he saves Woody from transformer falls and crashes on a ground]
Holy crap, Steve. You can see the future.
You here to kill me, future boy?
Steve
Woody, I'm gonna give you one more chance to shut this plant down.
Sure. Let me just grab my shut-down button.
Steve
Looking for this. [He used the gun] Give it up. With this collar, all I have to do is bark, and I'll know everything you're going do before you do it.
Crap. Really? Well, what happens next? Do I beat the shit out of you?
Steve
No.
[Woody attacks before Steve barks as he dodging from Woody's fists, then Woody pants]
Oh, look, over there! Viggo Mortensen is behind you sucking himself off.
Steve
I know you're lying. I have to look.
[Woody running away from Steve and he runs back into his cabin house, into the kitchen and refrigerator and pressing some refrigerator buttons as codes and he opens the gate and he locked up]
Steve
I knew you're hide here.
[Woody screams as he runs into a taxi car]
Quick, take me to the airport!
Steve
So you can fly to Australia and change your name to Rick Swordfire?
[Woody runs out from taxi and he runs into a dog kennel]
Steve
My powers are too much for you, Woody.
Yeah, but you're still stupid. [he turned the light switch on]
[Some dogs growling and snarling as they barking is causing Steve shocking with his shocking collar]
[Last lines; series finale]
Steve
Thank god. It was all a dream. I must've went into a coma when I got electrocuted on that transformer.
MZDr. Moo-zniak
Oh, you're awake. Just in time to go into human slavery.
CSCow Soldier
We'll take it from here, Dr. Moo-zniak.
Steve
No. No, no, nooo!!
[Quick shots show that cows have taken all over the earth, with cows assembled into families and driving cars, running restaurants and the food they eat is still dirt and grass and now appear to run businesses and towns just like humans did. In the last shot at Jorge's strip club, a nude cow girl stripper is flashing her udders (in the same way Jorge's female human strippers flash their breasts and genitalia) as male cows cheer for her and are holding cash in their hooves]
THIS IS AAAAAAAWESOMEEEEEEE!!
Brickleberry · 109 quotes
