Seeley Booth quotes from Bones

Sweets

I think I found the victim's drug connection.

Booth

What? How?

Sweets

I trolled her online school chat rooms.

Booth

You spied on kids.

Sweets

I could call it "surveillance" if it makes you feel better.

Booth

The First Lady handpicked this location to kick off her urban green thumb campaign.

Brennan

And now she's handpicked you to investigate a death on the property.

Booth

No, no, no. She handpicked the FBI, and then they picked me.

Brennan

So the First Lady secondhand-handpicked you.

Booth

Yeah...I guess so.

Brennan

I thought your belief in God gave you the sense that the universe had some kind of loving plan.

Booth

Well, God tests us to see what we're made of so we can appreciate what we have.

This room looks like the place they bring people they think are guilty.

Booth

Right...why didn't you say that you were on a date with Colin Haynes on the night that he was murdered?

I go on lots of dates.

Booth

[sarcastically] You threw a drink in his face. How often does that happen?

Brennan

Booth, do you think I'm being small-minded about Cam getting the award and not me?

Booth

[sighs] Huh. Yes.

Brennan

What?

Booth

You might want another answer but I can't give that to you.

Brennan

But I'm clearly the best scientist.

Booth

And are you the worst scientist because Cam's getting the award?

Brennan

Of course not.

Booth

See? Yeah, you're just being petty because you want to win.

Brennan

[protests] I thought you would take my side.

Booth

I am on your side, ok? I'm on your better side. [smirks] [Brennan frowns and breaks into a smile at Booth's smile.] Much better side.

Brennan

Booth is right. It is like the queen sacrifice Marshall used against Levitsky in 1912.

Booth

What???

Sweets

He wouldn't see that coming. [looks at Brennan] How'd you know about that?

Brennan

I play too, not like you, of course. I've been trying to teach Booth but he keeps referring to the knights as "horsies". [Booth covers his face with his palm in frustration]

Booth

That's great, can we just move this along. Ok, chess is a one-on-one game, but in a real war, you need a platoon and that's what we are right now, ok? So let's move out!

Booth

Look, if you can't bury a body deep enough you cover it in lye so the animals don't dig it up. It's classic Al Capone.

Sweets

You think it was a mob hit?

Booth

Oh... [rubs face tiredly] What, a girl in her twenties?

Sweets

It's sexist! Nowadays a girl in her twenties could be as much a mobster as a guy.

Booth

[deadpan] Wonderful in how far we've come.

Booth

Take the files. Go shrink them. Shrink it down.

Sweets

I don't "shrink" files. I read them.

Booth

Just shrink it down.

Booth

All I'm saying is, this is your money from your hard work. Not mine.

Brennan

Men are so foolish when it comes to money. It's why we have so many wars. You like your loot covered in blood and sweat. It's the only way you can do it.

Booth

[sarcastically] Ok, great, so I'm Attilla the Hun now?

Brennan

That's your third cup of coffee.

Booth

I like the coffee here.

Brennan

One more reason why you're more likely to die before I do.

Booth

I'm trained in the "danger business". You're...you're top dog. [makes dog purring sounds] In the lab.

Brennan

I'm licensed to carry a weapon. I know martial arts.

Booth

[deadpan] You shot me once.

Brennan

A ricochet! That doesn't count.

Booth

Let's go get Aziz.

Brennan

I'm coming with you.

[looks at Booth] Ah...I don't think that's a good idea.

Brennan

[to Beck] I'm Booth's partner and I wasn't talking to you.

Booth

[to Brennan] I think maybe you should stay back. It could be a little dangerous.

Brennan

Two well-trained people questioning one man? Am I the only one who isn't afraid?

Booth

Look, all I'm saying is that church could be good for Christine.

Brennan

Will she learn about the Crusades and the Inquisition?

Booth

[in disbelief] Seriously?!

Brennan

Why don't you just read her a Superman comic? It's also a fantasy about a mythic hero whose powers defy the laws of physics and common sense.

Booth

Ok, you're saying that Jesus and Superman are the same?

Brennan

Jesus walks on water, Superman flies. No difference.

Brennan

You know I would never sleep with him.

Booth

Well, you know what? You did tell me once that you thought that monogamy was unnatural.

Brennan

Yes, that's true. Before I realized that we were symbiotic. Like a clown fish and a sea anemone.

Booth

[dismayed] What? What are you talking about, Nemo? That doesn't sound very romantic.

Brennan

I disagree. You and I, we're bound to one another. So much so that I don't feel that I could survive without you. You nurture me. You protect me. You are my home. If I were to damage that by a meaningless dalliance, it would be like killing myself. Something that I would never do.

Booth

That sounded a little better.

Brennan

I would never let anything compromise the life we share, Booth. I love you.

Booth

Okay, now that's romantic. I love you too.

Booth

When you're a little girl you should be treated like a princess, not some criminal on the run.

Sweets

Max was a criminal on the run. So Dr. Brennan's probably sublimated those feelings as a way to cope.

Booth

And now she's probably trying to justify it all by saying that a kid's birthday party isn't important. But it is!

Sweets

I would imagine so. I've...never...been thrown a party either. So... [looks away awkwardly]

Booth

You too?

Sweets

No.

Booth

[shakes head in disbelief] Wow. My dad was a drunk and he threw me a birthday party every year. The only time I ever saw him really sober.

Sweets

[sympathetically] It's probably why birthdays are so meaningful to you.