Bob's Burgers · Season 1
[Louise has a crush on Boo Boo.]
I'm going to help you through this. Tell me what you like about Boo Boo.
Nothing. Everything. I don't know!
Do you like his hair?
You mean those soft blonde bangs you wanna hide under like an umbrella on a rainy day? No. Not really.
And his face?
Ew, gross, it's so gorgeous, I just wanna slap it, I just wanna slap it, I just wanna slap his hideous, beautiful face!
Um, you mean "kiss?"
No, I mean "slap."
Woah. You got it bad, girl.
Cute? He's the reason faces were invented, you idiot!
I'm no hero. I put my bra on one boob at a time like everyone else.
Hey, sometimes good things come from boredom. Like Gene.
Thank you!
And Tina.
[fist-bumps him] Pow.
Hey, Mr. Frond! Why did the chicken cross the road?
I don't know, Louise. Why?
So he would be in a different school district where there was a different guidance counselor!
[Regular-Sized Rudy clashes his cymbals]
Louise—
What?
Don't say that... here.
It's fine, I'm out of material.
(having an asthma attack) Fun hurts my lungs...
(To his inhaler) Oh, I hate you. But I love air. So I guess we're stuck together.
I love espresso, coffee, caffeinated teas, and then Jimmy Jr. In that order.
You don't even know if this Deuce is legit!
He has a website!
Yeah, they don't just give those out.
We're going down there and we're coming back with our money.
Or with a really good baseball player!
I hope neither of you are getting your hopes up.
He gave us his magic, and then he disappeared. Just like Toad the Wet Sprocket.
[about Bob's multitool] Could it kill an eagle?
Why would we want to kill an eagle?
I don't know. They're so condescending.
Mort, Teddy, what are you doing right now?
Adjusting myself without anyone noticing.
Watching Mort adjust himself.
Wait, what are you talking about? Who's "Upskirt Kurt"?
Oh yeah, I've heard of that guy. The macho seaplane pilot who beds bored housewives.
What do you mean "beds"? He makes their beds?
No, Gene. Kurt is seducing your mommy.
Hmmm.
I hope he's a good listener because that bird loves to chirp.
[to Bob] You should teach at my school.
And you should work in my coal mine.
"Upskirt Kurt." What a nickname! I mean, it rhymes, for one.
Was mom even wearing a skirt? I can't remember.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Bob's Burgers pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
