[After finding out that Endora has cast yet another spell on Darrin.]
One thing you can say about my mother. She's a mother-in-law.
The one thing I can say about your mother is censorable.
S8 E11The Warlock In The Grey Flannel Suit
S8 E12The Eight-Year Witch
[After Endora finds photographs of beautiful models in swimsuits in Darrin's briefcase.]
Have you ever heard of the syndrome peculiar to mortal men? The seven year itch? Seven years marriage and it's off with the old and on with the new.
In case you hadn't noticed, Darrin and I have been married for eight years.
You see, Derwood can't do anything right.
S8 E13Three Men And A Witch On a Horse
[Samantha is reading a newspaper betting column. She is trying to dissuade Darrin from betting on the horse.]
Look at what this fellow says about Count of Valor. "Couldn't beat a fat man up a hill".
[Darrin is phoning the betting company to place a bet on a horse.]
Hello. I'd like to place a bet. My account number is A231. My codename is 'Dog'.
And so's your horse.
[When Count of Valor is at the back of the field in the race.]
He'll catch up.
Only if they race to Albany.
S8 E14Adam, Warlock or Washout?
[Maurice is greeting Samantha.]
She walks in beauty, like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies. And all that's best of dark and bright meet in her aspect and her eyes.
Aw, thank you, Daddy. You and Byron say the cutest things.
Maurice, this exhibition is absurd. Childishly flamboyant and pathetically egomaniacical.
Thank you, Endora, your charm is ageless. So sad about the rest of you.
[Maurice is greeting Tabitha.]
Hello, Grandpapa.
Tabitha! How is my little princess?
Fine. I can always tell your voice, Grandpapa.
Yes, people say it has a unique quality.
And it's so loud, too.
[Explaining why Adam has not shown any signs of being a warlock.]
Let me tell you what I think the problem is. This child has been brought up in an atmosphere that has inhibited the growth of his witchcraft.
You see, Samantha's husband - that mortal lamebrain - absolutely forbids the use of witchcraft in this house.
WCWitches Council Representative #1
No.
Yes.
WCWitches Council Representative #2
No!
Yes!
WCWitches Council Representative #1
No!!!
Why do you keep saying 'No' when I keep saying 'Yes'!!!
S8 E16Samantha is Earthbound
[After witnessing Samantha and Darrin walking along while hugging each other closely (to prevent Samantha from being lifted into the air!)]
PMr. Prescott
That's a pretty squirrely couple
PMrs. Prescott
It's called love, Wilbur.
PMr. Prescott
Why's he holding her like that?
PMrs. Prescott
That is also called love, Wilbur.
PMr. Prescott
He's gonna help her dress?
PMrs. Prescott
Love, Wilbur!
PMr. Prescott
Sick, Selma.
S8 E18Samantha on Thin Ice
Can you learn to skate normally? From scratch, without witchcraft?
Why would I want to do that?
Could you or couldn't you?
Darrin, why is it you think that witches need witchcraft for everything?
Not everything. Just everything difficult.
[Samantha turns around in a huff!)]
Well!
Can you learn to skate the mortal way?
Are you challenging me?
Yes
I accept. And if I can't, I will be more careful in the future about accepting challenges.
S8 E19Serena's Youth Pill
In gay Paree it's s'il vous plaît, in Germany it's bitte. Please, Serena, come this way, I need a baby sitter.
[Larry doesn't understand what Louise is getting at!]
Do me a favour, call Berlitz and get me a translator
S8 E20Tabitha's First Day at School
Is Tabitha ready for school?
Of course she's ready for school! [pause] The question is, is school ready for Tabitha?
CBCharlton, the bully
What kind of dumb name is Tabitha?
It's not a dumb name.
CBCharlton, the bully
How come I've never heard it before?
Because you never met anyone named Tabitha!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Bewitched pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.