Bewitched · Season 5
Happy sweetheart?
Let's see. I've got a beautiful wife. Lovely daughter. Comfortable home. Good job. I guess I'm reasonably happy.
Why only 'reasonably'?
I would be ecstatically happy if you were an orphan!
Another remark like that and I'll be a widow.
I thought you and mother were getting along rather well lately. You were almost on speaking terms.
Let's hope it stays 'almost'.
Now, mother. I'm sorry to have to ask you to do this, but repeat after me ... Spiders that crawl, bats that fly, silence my tongue if I'm telling a lie.
[Samantha is trying to figure out who has taken Darrin.]
Uncle Arthur! That's it! Uncle Arthur is using Darrin for one of his practical jokes.
Well, why would he do a thing like that? Derwood is already a practical joke.
[After Darrin yells out loud.]
I've not only lost a daughter, I've gained a bullhorn.
[After Darrin insults Endora]
Fortunately for you, I don't offend easily.
Let me try a little harder.
Mr Haskem, you really should listen to Darrin. He has his finger on the pulse of today.
And his foot on the unemployment line of tomorrow.
[Joking about Samantha's unrisen Angel Food Cake]
When you cast your spell, you probably faced west when you should of faced 'yeast'.
I don't believe it. In our living room, in person, sits Napoleon Bonaparte.
Yeah. You're the only living human being who can say he's had Napoleon Bonaparte as a guest in his house. It's ironic.
Ironic?
Yes. Who can you say it to?
[Darrin is trying to apologize to Samantha, for accusing her of using witchcraft to win a slogan competition].
The point is, your slogan was rejected, it was lousy. Which proves it was your imagination!
[Laughs] Darrin, you old son of a gun, we've done it again. This Ezyway rent-a-car presentation is a masterpiece.
Just don't hog all the credit this time, huh, Larry. Let's make it 50-50 right down the line.
Done. I'll even go you one better, Darrin. If HB doesn't like it, it's all yours.
[Larry explaining why he didn't pick his wife for his volleyball team].
Have you ever seen Louise play volleyball? Her best shot is ducking.
[After Tabitha has changed her classmate into a butterfly].
Is this one of those things that's called a problem?
Not exactly, sweetheart. This is one of those things that's called a catastrophe.
Abner! Darrin Stephens is talking to a strange woman.
So what? I'm listening to one.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Bewitched pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
