A character in Bewitched
Played by Elizabeth Montgomery
Bewitched · 57 quotes
Most-quoted character in Bewitched: in 35 of its 57 quotes
Most scenes with: Darrin Stephens (18), Endora (3), Larry Tate (2)
[Samantha is trying to convince a cow (who she believes to be Aunt Clara) to go to the kitchen. It won't budge.]
SamanthaJust because you chose to be a cow doesn't mean you have to be a stupid one.
SamanthaWhen the earth turns once around the sun, let the crone go forth til the day is done. Another's form she'll take and her form leave, from 6 in the morn til 6 in the eve. And in this guise if she can secure, a willing kiss from a mortal pure. To her will pass the mortal's youth, to him will pass her age forsooth. [Legend of the Crone of Cawdor]
SamanthaNow, mother. I'm sorry to have to ask you to do this, but repeat after me ... Spiders that crawl, bats that fly, silence my tongue if I'm telling a lie.
[Samantha is reading a newspaper betting column. She is trying to dissuade Darrin from betting on the horse.]
SamanthaLook at what this fellow says about Count of Valor. "Couldn't beat a fat man up a hill".
SamanthaIn gay Paree it's s'il vous plaît, in Germany it's bitte. Please, Serena, come this way, I need a baby sitter.
SamanthaJust because blondes have more fun doesn't make them brainless, you know?
[Referring to Dr. Bombay].
SamanthaThere goes one of the great quackpots of all time.
[Endora 'pops' in while Darrin has a day off from work.]
SamanthaMother, Darrin's off today.
I think you're just noticing it for the first time.
SamanthaYou see, everything turns out for the best.
Yeah, when you're around to give everything a big assist, it does.
[Samantha is trying to hide a witches court meeting (attended by Endora, Clara, Enchantra and Hagatha) from Darrin in the other room.]
I know why you don't want to let me in there.
SamanthaYou do?
Mm-hm. I finally figured it out. Ladies club, right?
SamanthaSort of.
Is it the committee for the bazaar?
SamanthaOh, I'd certainly call them a bizarre committee.
SamanthaDarrin, I'm leaving you.
Sam!
SamanthaI'm going home to mother.
What do you mean "going home to mother"? Your mother's always here.
[After losing to Charlie all day.]
Believe me honey, I don't feel bad. As a matter of fact, I feel great. I finally beat Charlie at something.
SamanthaYou said you lost by 12 strokes.
11.
SamanthaOh, pardon me.
But we flipped a coin to see who'd tip the caddy and I won. It cost me ten bucks, but I won.
A satisfactory explanation?! You're kidding!
SamanthaIt's not for me. I trust you implicitly, in spite of my doubts. Mother will not take off that spell until you explain.
Suppose you explain to me what gives your mother the right to bug my telephone calls.
SamanthaDarrin, how can I explain my mother?
Darrin (realizing Samantha's point): That's true.
SamanthaHappy sweetheart?
Let's see. I've got a beautiful wife. Lovely daughter. Comfortable home. Good job. I guess I'm reasonably happy.
SamanthaWhy only 'reasonably'?
I would be ecstatically happy if you were an orphan!
SamanthaAnother remark like that and I'll be a widow.
SamanthaI thought you and mother were getting along rather well lately. You were almost on speaking terms.
Let's hope it stays 'almost'.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Bewitched pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
