Endora quotes from Bewitched

Endora

I've not only lost a daughter, I've gained a bullhorn.

Samantha

Mother, Darrin's off today.

Endora

I think you're just noticing it for the first time.

Maurice

Uncle Arthur! That's it! Uncle Arthur is using Darrin for one of his practical jokes.

Endora

Well, why would he do a thing like that? Derwood is already a practical joke.

Endora

Fortunately for you, I don't offend easily.

Let me try a little harder.

Endora

Have you ever heard of the syndrome peculiar to mortal men? The seven year itch? Seven years marriage and it's off with the old and on with the new.

Samantha

In case you hadn't noticed, Darrin and I have been married for eight years.

Endora

You see, Derwood can't do anything right.

Endora

Maurice, this exhibition is absurd. Childishly flamboyant and pathetically egomaniacical.

Maurice

Thank you, Endora, your charm is ageless. So sad about the rest of you.

Maurice

Let me tell you what I think the problem is. This child has been brought up in an atmosphere that has inhibited the growth of his witchcraft.

Endora

You see, Samantha's husband - that mortal lamebrain - absolutely forbids the use of witchcraft in this house.

No.

Endora

Yes.

No!

Endora

Yes!

No!!!

Endora

Why do you keep saying 'No' when I keep saying 'Yes'!!!

Samantha

Darrin, don't make mother angry. She's very difficult when she gets angry.

Since when does she have to be angry to be difficult?

Endora

Your right, Derweed. I don't have to be angry to be difficult. [pause] But it helps.

Samantha

Oh, Darrin. When are you going to learn that mother knows best. And what mother knows best - is how to be difficult.