Bewitched quotes

53 total quotes


[Referring to Darrin's beautiful, but snobby, client.]
Samantha: Personally, I think she should see a plastic surgeon.
Darrin: What for?
Samantha: To have her nose lowered.

[Referring to Dr. Bombay].
Samantha: There goes one of the great quackpots of all time.

[Referring to Esmerelda]
Darrin: How come you witches can do anything, but you can't come up with a witch psychiatrist for her!

[Samantha is reading a newspaper betting column. She is trying to dissuade Darrin from betting on the horse.]
Samantha: Look at what this fellow says about Count of Valor. "Couldn't beat a fat man up a hill".

[Samantha is trying to convince a cow (who she believes to be Aunt Clara) to go to the kitchen. It won't budge.]
Samantha: Just because you chose to be a cow doesn't mean you have to be a stupid one.

[Samantha is trying to figure out who has taken Darrin.]
Maurice: Uncle Arthur! That's it! Uncle Arthur is using Darrin for one of his practical jokes.
Endora: Well, why would he do a thing like that? Derwood is already a practical joke.

[Samantha is trying to hide a witches court meeting (attended by Endora, Clara, Enchantra and Hagatha) from Darrin in the other room.]
Darrin: I know why you don't want to let me in there.
Samantha: You do?
Darrin: Mm-hm. I finally figured it out. Ladies club, right?
Samantha: Sort of.
Darrin: Is it the committee for the bazaar?
Samantha: Oh, I'd certainly call them a bizarre committee.

[When Count of Valor is at the back of the field in the race.]
Samantha: He'll catch up.
Larry Tate: Only if they race to Albany.