Jake Malinak quotes from Becker

There. Cat. I'm using the C at the end of your word, Jake.

Jake Malinak

Which one?

Xebec.

I still say that's not a word.

Jake Malinak

Bob, I told you. It's a antiquated tri-masted Mediterranean sailing vessel.

NONE OF THOSE ARE WORDS!

All right, smartass. It's your turn.

Read 'em and weep. J-U-G-G-S. Juggs!

Not a word.

Yes, it is! Jake's news stand! Magazines, top shelf!

Jake Malinak

Forget about it, Bob. It's a proper noun. Besides, we already let you have melons, boobs, and Hooters.

Dr. John Becker

Scrabble with Jake?

What, you think we're taking advantage of him?

Dr. John Becker

No, I think he's taking advantage of you. He played in the National Championships like, three different times.

Excuse me?!

Jake Malinak

Well, I only won once.

Jake, you hustled us!

Dr. John Becker

Well, now technically, it's not hustling unless you were dumb enough to play for money.

I thought it was a sure thing! He's blind! I mean, the man's been throwing fish food in his toilet for the last five years!

Wow, she's so nice!

Jake Malinak

Bob, she blew you off.

Yeah, she was just letting you down easy.

That's what I mean! Usually, I just get a kick in the groin and a face-full of pepper spray!

Jake Malinak

You're staying with Bob!? Is there anything you wanna talk to me about?

Dr. John Becker

I told you, my apartment is filled with 'roaches! [shudders] Urgh, 'roaches!

[shudders] Urgh, Bob!

Dr. John Becker

You know what I hate!?

Jake Malinak

Who's got the list?

You guys aren't gonna believe what just happened! I just came from the gym-

Jake Malinak

The gym!? I thought the judge said you couldn't go back there!

That was the old gym! Anyway, I'm standing in front of this big window, watching an abs and ass class, when suddenly, they wheel some guy by with a sheet over his head!

Jake Malinak

Was he dead?

[sarcastically] No, he was in a Halloween costume. Yeah, he was dead! Anway, the poor schmuck keeled over on the treadmill. [worried] He was in his thirties, just like me! I mean, you spend years building a life-wife, kids, career- then one day, it's over!

Jake Malinak

Well, you got nothing to worry about; you got none of those things! [cackles]

Neither do you! [Jake abruptly stops laughing]

You people have no idea what it's like to be discriminated against!

Jake Malinak

Yeah, I'm a blind black man, we just SAIL through life.

Jake

I told you I don't wanna sell these.

Hector

You're not, they're selling themselves.

Jake

Get rid of them.

Hector

You don't want me to do that. Look how much money you made.

Jake

Hey, you know, I don't care. Listen, what I have on display up here reflects who I am, all right? And I want this to be one corner of the world where decent people can by and not be offended. So unwrap these magazines and put 'em down there.

Hector

What about your "corner of the world"?

Jake

Oh, my corner of the world is still gonna be pure. However, down there in Porn Town, that's where Jake pays the rent.

Margaret

Jake, you've got to see this.

Jake Malinak

I'm blind.

Hector Lopez

All right, people, give me your money!

Jake Malinak

Does he have a gun?

Chris Connor

No.

Jake Malinak

No.

Jake Malinak

Wait a minute, this guy's really good-looking, isn't he?

I could lick his face like a Dove bar.

Dr. John Becker

Know what I hate?

Jake Malinak

Who's got the list?