Dr. John Becker quotes from Becker

Jake Malinak

You're staying with Bob!? Is there anything you wanna talk to me about?

Dr. John Becker

I told you, my apartment is filled with 'roaches! [shudders] Urgh, 'roaches!

[shudders] Urgh, Bob!

Dr. John Becker

You know what I hate!?

Jake Malinak

Who's got the list?

Dr. John Becker

What the hell is this!? It's cold, it's packed in dry ice...

Chris Connor

Maybe it's the heart you always wanted.

Dr. John Becker

I never told you to shut up.

You hung up on me once.

Dr. John Becker

So I didn't have to tell you to shut up.

Tonight, I want you to read this.

Dr. John Becker

"10,000 reasons to smile"? Puppies, rainbows... this is 10,000 reasons to step in front of a bus!

My grandson bought that for me, but if you don't like it, then, here, read this.

Dr. John Becker

"Tuesdays With Morrie"?

It's about a younger man who visits an older man in the hospital.

Dr. John Becker

We don't need to read this book, we're living it right now!

The younger man has a *positive* outlook on life. You got a problem with "Tuesdays With Morrie"?

Dr. John Becker

No, I got no problem with Tuesday. It's every other day of the week that's giving me trouble!

Chris Connor

You told Tony I was gay so he wouldn't be interested in me. Then you told me Tony was gay so I wouldn't be interested in him.

Dr. John Becker

Do you think I would be capable of that?

Chris Connor

You made up a sister named Pepper Becker!

I don't need these pills. This test confirms everything I believe in.

Dr. John Becker

Damn it, this is what pisses me off about you people. You people find religion and think that you have all the answers!

Don't doctors think they have all the answers?

Dr. John Becker

I *do* have all the answers!

Linda

I was right. He's [Becker's] a junkie.

Dr. John Becker

Who the hell is this?

Chris Connor

Just to set the record straight, I don't love you!

Dr John Becker

Well I don't love you! I don't even know what made me think I could like you: you're so cute and sweet and nice and perky!

Chris Connor

Well it's better than being a cranky old fart!

Dr John Becker

I'm not cranky! There are just certain things that irritate me!

Chris Connor

Yeah, everything irritates you! You wouldn't know happiness if it bit you in the ass!

Dr John Becker

Oh why don't you bite me in the ass!?

Dr John Becker

'[outraged] Just go away, would you!?

Chris Connor

Ah, I'm going! Goodnight!

Dr John Becker

Good night!

Chris Connor

[stutters angrily] GOOD NIGHT!

Dr John Becker

YOU WANNA HAVE DINNER WITH ME SOMETIME!?

Chris Connor

I'D LOVE TO!

Dr John Becker

Hey, Ming! How's it going, buddy?

Becker, there are 5000 Chinese restaurants in this town. You wanna be a buddy, try one of them!

Dr John Becker

Nice attitude there. Is that how you treat all your good customers!?

When you come in at 5:59 just to get the 'Early Bird Special', and then use so many coupons I end up owing you money, you're not a good customer, you're a pain in my ass!

What do you have against the New York City Marathon?

Dr. John Becker

The Marathon just gets my hopes up. At first it seems like 20,000 idiots are leaving the city, but then they just make a big loop and come right back.

Dr. John Becker

Look, someone in your department shut down a residential care facility in my neighborhood and threw everyone out into the street. Now I'm here because I want something done about it!

Wow. You sound pretty upset.

Dr. John Becker

Well, I am. You know, I've been on the phone all afternoon calling every city agency I can think of, and all I got was the typical beureaucratic runaround.

Well that's terrible, you shouldn't have been treated like that.

Dr. John Becker

At least you see that.

Well of course I do!

Dr. John Becker

Then you'll help me?

Oh dear no.

Dr. John Becker

...Well, maybe you didn't understand me...

No, I understood you perfectly. You've discovered a social injustice, and as a concerned citizen you've come to your government to demand some action.

Dr. John Becker

Exactly!

It's not gonna happen. But that look on your face, oh, that took me back! What was that, righteous indignation? I used to feel like that when I first started working here forty-two years ago.

Dr. John Becker

Yeah, well - you've been in this office forty-two years?

Yeah. Same desk, same fake plant, same window. Doesn't open. None of them do. Otherwise we'd all jump out. But you were saying?

Dr. John Becker

Look, I told you! Either reopen the facility, or make some arrangements to take care of these people!

And I told you, I can't help.

Dr. John Becker

But you're the deputy secretary of social services!

It's just a title.

Dr. John Becker

Dammit! Look, listen - you're in charge here, you're responsible, you work for the city!

You're not listening! I can't help. Nobody can help. That facility is not going to reopen, and I'll tell you why: there is no money! There's no money because the federal government cut taxes, which is all anybody seems to care about anymore. That means less money for the state, which means less money for the city, which means we had to cut services, which means fewer cops, fewer firemen, bad air, bad water and crappy schools which will turn out another generation of voters too stupid and greedy to care about anything else besides cutting taxes! So don't you come in here and tell me to fix your problem, because there's not a DAMN THING I CAN DO ABOUT IT!... Where did that come from?

He would have been 40 today.

Becker

Who? Who would have been 40?

My son...

Patient

[guest star Mary Steenburgen, Ted Danson's real-life wife] You arrogant bastard, if I say I know the Roosevelts, I know the Roosevelts.

Dr. John Becker

I pity the poor bastard who's married to her.

Margaret

[on the phone] I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

Margaret

What did you do?

Dr. John Becker

I don't know.