Batman quotes from Batman

Penguin

You used a foul trick to murder those innocent fruit flies!

Batman

You murdered them, Penguin...when you let them out!

Robin

They've got Batgirl and we've got Fanny.

Batman

That hardly seems like a fair trade, does it, Robin?

Shame

No, Batman! I'm sorry! I'd never...never think to...

Batman

Boo!

Shame

[hysterical, grabs Batman by the leg] No, Batman! No!

Batman

Oh, for shame, Shame! You're not worthy of the name 'Shame'! You're a SHAM, Shame! Don't you EVER grab my tights or pull on my leg again!

Batman

...it shouldn't take us more than three minutes to run the mile.

Robin

Gosh, Batman, that's a new world's record.

Batman

Breaking world's records is just part of crime fighting, Robin.

Batgirl

Are you ready to be incarcerated, King Tut?

King Tut

With the greatest pleasure. You could jail me for a million years and I wouldn't flinch an inch. Oh, at last, Nirvana is within my grasp.

Commissioner Gordon

You appear to be quite breezy for a man about to be tucked away.

King Tut

I know, and so would you if you knew what I know; and if I know you, no doubt you know what I now know. Why waste my time with someone who knows, I have to find someone who doesn't know. [to Chief O'Hara] Do you know? No.

Batgirl

Sounds like The Riddle of the Sphinx.

King Tut

Nothing so simple as that, dear lady. I hold the key to the riddle of the ages. You're too late, Dynamic Dimwits.

Robin

Holy waste of energy.

Batman

What has he told you?

Chief O'Hara

Nothing. He's been running off at the mouth about some secret or riddle.

King Tut

The beans, so to speak, are about to be spilled. Batman and Robin, prepare to meet the end of your usefulness. Lady and gentlemen, Batman and Robin are... [BABBLES]

Robin

It's only gonna prolong the agony, Batman.

Batman

Not necessarily, Robin. That blow on his head could be exactly what saves us. I certainly hope so.

King Tut

Where am I?

Commissioner Gordon

You were about to tell us a secret, King Tut.

King Tut

King Tut? My name is William Omaha McElroy... and I'm professor of Egyptology at Yale University.

Batgirl

You don't remember what you were going to tell us?

King Tut

Who do you have a purple mask on, lady? I'm going to be late for class.

Commissioner Gordon

Uh, just a moment, professor.

Chief O'Hara

You can't walk off like this.

King Tut

Harvard people, nice speaking to you.

Joker

Ha-ha-ha! It's time for my ultimate ultimatum. Hear this. Now hear this. All citizens of Gotham City and the world. this is the Joker speaking to you from outer space. From inner outer space. Yes, advising you to... What's the matter, Verdigris? We've passed the city. We're headed right back to Flying Circus Hill. and the abandoned launching pad factory. Oh. Depress the Aerothermo Turret Resojets. Accelerate the Isothermal Oxyacetylene Vaporometers.

Huh?

Joker

Step on the gas!

This, uh, thingamajig is stuck here.

Joker

But we're headed right back where we started. Ooh! Ooh!

Well, at least it was a soft landing, poopsie.

Joker

Yes, but on the wrong planet. I wanted to rule the world from Mars! I like the looks of that place!

Batman

Yes, I think you'd be more comfortable there at the moment, Joker.

Robin

You know something, Batman?

Batman

What's that, Robin?

Robin

She looks very pretty when she's asleep.

Batman

I thought you might eventually notice that. That single statement indicates to me the first oncoming thrust of manhood, old chum.

Gordon

Batman, you unscrambled that safe's combination in three seconds flat! How did you do it?

Batman

With my Three-Seconds-Flat-Bat-Combination-Unscrambler, Commissioner.

Robin

What happened to Batgirl?!

Batman

Who knows, Robin? Who ever knows?

To the Batpoles!

To the Batcave!

To the Batmobile!

Holy (subject), Batman!

Narrator

(at end of episode) Tune in tomorrow/next week, same Bat-time, same Bat-channel.