Batman quotes from Batman

Riddler

Riddle me this, Batman: what are the chilliest 12 inches in the world?

Batman

Cold feet!

Riddler

Excellent! What suite of cards lays eggs?

Batman

One that's chicken-hearted. Now listen to this, Riddler, sticks and stones may break my bones...

Riddler

Now you listen to me, Batman! My line is plugged into radio station GTZR! That means that all of Gotham City...[giggles]...has heard you called...[giggles]...a coward! [giggles full time]

Robin

Holy mucilage!!

Batman

Things... are... about... to... get... stickier, Robin.

Batman

Of course! It's staring us right in our masks, Robin. That quote is on line 769 of Chapter 14, Scroll 32 of the 13th section of the works of Ramses the Bald, one of the many ancient and irreplaceable scrolls at the Gotham City library.

Robin

How could I have missed that one?

King Tut

Perhaps a clue will turn up. Ooh, Tutlings, we have performed the most marvelous theft. The golden statue of Osorkon is almost within our grasp. Osiris, Nubis, gather up these scrolls and Let's make tracks!

Batgirl

[suddenly appearing] The only tracks you'll be making are straight to the penitentiary!

King Tut

Batgirl!?

Batgirl

In the flesh.

King Tut

You know, it is against my principles to beat up on a lady, but in your case, I'll make an exception. Get her. Agh. How did you figure out my plan?

Batgirl

Simple. I recognized a quote from the works of Ramses the Bold... and realized then it was the scrolls you were after. I got to the library as you escaped and followed you here.

King Tut

You know, I can always use a smart girl in my line of work. The ones I've had lately are rather inferior. Would you, uh...?

Batgirl

I'm afraid not. Batman and Robin will be here momentarily. I blazed a trail for them. Consider your criminal career kaput.

King Tut

Well, heh. Goodbye, Batgirl.

Batgirl

You're not going anywhere.

King Tut

[smiling] No, but you are...

King Tut

...off to dreamland! Defeated by a mere wisp of a girl. Now for the second time, let's make tracks!

Batman

The only tracks you'll be making are straight to the penitentiary!

King Tut

Some sort of delayed echo in here?

Batman

As a duly deputized officer of the law, it's my duty to advise you of your rights.

King Tut

You'll have to catch me first. Get him, get him, get him.

Commissioner, there are a bunch of flower children out here to see you.

Gordon

Flower children? Alright, send them...wait a minute, Bonnie, hold on, hold on a second.

Batman

We'll go down the window and go down the Batropes. Otherwise, we'll be mobbed.

O'Hara

Mobbed? In police headquarters?

Robin

The flower children think we're cool, man, like we turn 'em on, you know.

Batman

Yes, please be gentle with your visitors, Commissioner. Although it may not be understood by more literal minds, in their own way, they're doing what they can to correct the world's woes with love and flowers.

Batman

Go back outside and calm the flower children.

Robin

They'll mob me!

Batman

Groovy.

Robin

[about Batgirl] She's gone again! For once, Batman, let's follow her.

Batman

No, Robin. With my head sticking out of this neosaurus costume, I might not appear like an ordinary, run of the mill crime fighter.

Robin

Let's go!

Batman

Not you, Robin. They have strict licensing laws in this country. A boy of your age is not allowed in a drinking tavern.

Well, I think this calls for a cup of char at venerable Ireland Yard.

Robin

Char?

Batman

Yes, Robin, a colloquialism for tea.

Catwoman

Let no one say that Catwoman is not the best-dressed woman in the world.

Batman

There are no fashion shows where you're going, Catwoman.

Robin

And how could a feline feloness like you also be a fashion model?

Batman

Ah-ah. Give credit where credit is due, Robin. She may be evil, but she is attractive. You'll know more about that in a couple of years.

Catwoman

No hero worth his salt would let a lady expire. It's foolproof I tell you - purrrfectly foolproof.

Gordon

I'm sure they won't find caviar on the menu at Gotham State Prison.

Batman

Probably not, but they will get a well-balanced diet thanks to Warden Crichton's emphasis on proper nutrition.

Joker

Let bygones be bygones. I'd like to shake hands with both of you. Can't we be friends?

Robin

I'd rather shake hands with a spitting cobra!

Batman

You're being cynical, Robin. To err is human, to forgive...divine.

Batman

[After being buzzed by Joker while shaking hands] Another...practical joke, Joker.

Joker

Not exactly Batman, it's my deadly joker buzzer, one by one your five senses will leave you. Then your lungs will collapse, and certainly you'll be KAPUT, FINI, DEFUNCT!

Batman

What took you so long, Batgirl?

Batgirl

Rush hour traffic, plus all the lights were against me. And you wouldn't want me to speed, would you?

Robin

Your good driving habits almost cost us our lives!

Batman

Rules are rules, Robin. But you do have a point.

Batman

Cattail Lane and Nine Lives Alley. The Grimalkin Novelty Company is on that corner.

Robin

Grimalkin? What kind of a name is that?

Batman

An obscure but nevertheless acceptable synonym for cat, Robin.

Robin

How about rushing the place, Batman?

Batman

Shh. I think not, Robin. All they've done so far is stolen a few items, attempted to kill you, me, and Batgirl. No, I think they plan something really big.