Back at the Barnyard quotes

Abby

Otis, does Pig seem to be acting odd to you?

Otis

Pig, odd? What are you talking about?

Pig

Butter churn, I can no longer resist your charms. Hold me.

Otis

Abby, what Pig and the butter churn have is beautiful, and I won't let you destroy it. [Pig kisses the butter churn] Okay, now it's getting weird.

Duke

Hey, Pig. You feelin' alright?

Pig

[suddenly angry] WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN, HUH?! No one talks to me like that! [Duke screams] Oh, it's over, Rover!

Pig

"ANGRY?!" YOU BET I'M ANGRY! I AM SO ANGRY!

Duke

Help! He's off his nut!

Pig

[dismounts Duke and hugs him sadly] Oh, Duke! I'm so lonely... [strangles Duke] NOW, I'M ANGRY AGAIN! VERY, VERY ANGRY!

OK, Baxter, it's doggy-doctor time! Who loves his doggy-doctor? You do, yes you do, yes you do! [Duke mumbled protestation] Aw, don't be scared boy, this won't hurt at all. [reads "Duke's" chart] Oh, deep de-worming. I was wrong. [starts up a giant machine] This is gonna hurt! Yes it is, yes it is!

Aw, relax, Baxter, the worst is over, yes, it is, yes, it is! [takes off safety goggles and reads the chart again] Oops, I'm wrong. Says here I have to flush out your brain hole. [picks up a large syringe-like device] Who's got a dirty brain? Baxter does, yes, he does!

Duke

[to himself] Hang in there, Duke, you've just been poked, drilled, humiliated, but there was nothing they can do to break you.

[returns with a bucket of leeches] Okay, Baxter, time for your butt-leeching. Who's going to his butt leeched? Baxter is, yes, he is.

Duke

Okay, that's it! [knocks leeches into Glove's face and runs away]

Oh, the leeches are on my face! [stumbles into wall] Who's draining my face blood? [hits head on examination lamp] You are, yes, you are! [collapses from blood loss/head trauma]

[spying on the farm animals at the Clam Hut] Nathan, I think those are those talking barn animals from the farm next door.

Do not talk. Please do not talk.

[a clam] Psst. Cow dressed as a lady.

Abby

What? Who said that? I'm not a cow, uh, I'm a typical human female.

Please, I know a fellow human animal when I see one. You gotta help me. My life's in terrible danger.

Abby

But I thought everything here was made out of shclam, a delicious clam substitute.

It's a lie. Shclam... IS CLAM!

Otis

Can't stand liver, won't eat ham, look out, stomach, here comes the shclam!

Abby

DON'T EAT THOSE!

Otis

Why are you yelling?!

Abby

Fellas, do you know why shclam looks and tastes like real clam?

Otis

A miracle of modern chemistry?

Pip

They zap it with a clam ray?

Freddy

They make it with love?

Abby

No! It's because shclam is clam! Look! [shows them Archie]

What she said.

[picks up Pip and shows him to the waiter] Could a real human ever be this tiny?!

My cousin Lupe is half that height!

Abby

Otis, what are we gonna do?!

Otis

I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna sit back and enjoy the fun!

Pip

Otis, what are you talking about?!

Abby

Yeah, we got a situation here!

Otis

No, you have a situation, because for once, something is your fault! [laughs] Oh, that's rich! There was one clam before, but now there's a lot of 'em. Oh, there's gonna be more! And when the farmer gets back, he's gonna be all, "What are these clams doin' here?! I'll bet it was that she-cow's fault!" Oh, Abby, how will you get out of this one?

Pig

Hey, Otis, aren't you worried about walking and talking in front of this guy?

Otis

Don't worry. That's my buddy, Crazy Louie. He's a little... Um...

[dancing and singing] I like eggs, I like eggs! [higher voice] I like eggs, I like eggs!

Pig

Crazy?

Otis

I was gonna say "stark-raving gazonkers".

Otis

Louie! Speak to me!

Ow, my appendix! How will I process enzymes and convert them into simple sugars?!

Pip

How do you know it's your appendix?

Well, if you look at this x-ray, you'll see that my appendix, that's it, was on its last leg, so to speak. The doc said I'd be fine as long as no one hit it with a golf club.

Otis

[in Pig's hallucination] Hey, baby, you got beaned on the noggin but good. Feel that ball! Be the ball, piggy, be the ball, little piggy! Oh, I gots to go, there's a rainbow in my noggin!

Pig

How's that new appendix working for ya?

Oh, hey, guys! Funny story about the appendix. Turns out, it's a totally useless organ, so I sold it, and used the money to buy extra thumbs!

Hey, look at me, I'm Extra Thumb Man! Oh, Buttertown, we raise our thumbs on high! Who wants to wrestle?

Otis

[about the sign in front of the Farmer's house] Guys, it says "Welcome Buyers". Clearly, the farmer wishes to receive units of monetary currency in exchange for a gooder item currently in his possession, in this case, the farm.

Abby

I get it.

Peck

That makes sense.

3 seconds later...

Abby

[gasps] Where are we gonna live?!

Pig

That's not good!

Freddy

Everybody panic!

Otis

What's to become of us?!

Pig

What if the new owners make us work as pack animals?!

Peck

What if they eat us?!

Abby

What if they make us fight each other in gladitorial combat?!

Pip

Why are your plans always so quiet?

Otis

[yelling really loudly] BECAUSE THIS VOLUME'S VERY ANNOYING!