Jenna Hamilton quotes from Awkward

Jenna

Val, the cat is imaginary.

Valerie

So is my relationship!

Ming

Asians aren't magic, they don't have control over everything.

Jenna

Yes, they do. Why do you think our school flag has a dragon on it?

Jenna

[to Tamara] Bad breakup?

Tamara

10.5 on the dick-ter scale.

Tamara

[to Jenna] Jesus, your mom documented high school like it was the best time of her life.

Jenna

And it was.

Sad.

Jenna

[to Ally] I guess your plan to ruin my parents' relationship worked. Happy?

Ally

Listen, your Dad's the one who ruined their relationship and it started years ago.

Jenna

What are you talking about?

Ally

Think about it. Why would I hate buzzkill this much for no reason? Because I'm the one who had to pick up the pieces when he screwed over your mom over and over again.

Jenna

[to Ally] You're drunk.

Ally

And you're a dork, but at least I'll be sober tomorrow...for a while.

Jenna

[to Tamara] What? Why didn't you give me the heads up?

Tamara

I don't know maybe I was busy buying lottery tickets 'cause I'm a freaking psychic.

Kevin

[to Jenna] When we were young, I did and said a lot of awful things to her. Things she's forgiven but clearly hasn't forgotten. I wasn't always the best guy.

Jenna

Well, let's be real. She hasn't always been the best either.

Kevin

I know, but you've got to cut her some slack. Because what you don't know is that I wasn't always around as much as I should have been and when I was you didn't want me to hold you.

Jenna

That's not true you were the only one who could put me to sleep.

Kevin

...with your Mom's song. Singing that lullaby was the only way to get you to calm down. She wanted me to be your hero.

Tamara

I walked in on my Mom making out with her friend Claire.

Jenna

Your mom's gay?

Tamara

No! She's a lesb-utante! She keeps it strictly above the belt, but it was a TS sitch, so my mom's letting me go on the trip to keep me from telling my Grandma. Little does she know, I'm totes equal opportunity!

Lacey

Did the condom break? Did you even use one?

Jenna

No, it was only one time.

Lacey

It only takes one time.

Jenna

I wasn’t thinking. I was just caught up…

Lacey

In the moment. I know. I’ve been there. Don’t be afraid. If you’re pregnant, chances are, you’ll only be nauseous for a month.

Jenna

Ugh! A month?

Lacey

Or three, but the delivery happens lickety-split unless it gets caught in your underdeveloped tibs and then it could take much longer. But you only have to sit on a donut pillow for a couple weeks which is totally okay because you probably won’t want to eat solids for a while. It’s hard to poop, but a baby is so amazing... once you get some sleep. God, I think the sleep deprivation was worse than the delivery. I couldn’t see straight for months. I really shouldn’t have been driving with an infant in the car.

[to Jenna] I'm gonna stop you right there, J. When was the last time you had a nut in your mouth?

Jenna

It was a good question.

Sadie

Jenna, I love your costume.

Jenna

I'm not wearing a costume.

Sadie

Really? Because you are the best loser I've seen all morning.

Jenna

[to Matty] Because you're embarrassing me and I have never embarrassed you.

Matty

Oh, really? What about the start of sophomore year when everyone thought you tried to kill yourself?

Jenna

I didn't try to kill myself.

Matty

I know that now, but I didn't know that then. I thought it was because of me.

Jenna

You? Why you?

Matty

Because you had your accident that same day we slept together. How do you think that fucked with my head? You didn't even try to explain it to me. Instead, you obsessively stared at me from a distance for weeks. What was I supposed to think?

Jenna

You didn't want to be seen with me!

Matty

Because I was mortified!

Sadie

[to Jenna] You need to watch it.

Jenna

Watch what?

Sadie

Whatever it is that is going on between the two of you. Even though Matty is blind to your treachery, I'm not. I know when something is up and something is definitely up.

Jenna

[to Ming] The Mafia knows?

Ming

Is that a rhetorical question? Of course we do! We're magic.