Tamara Kaplan quotes from Awkward

Tamara

If we don't go, then the terrorists win and by terrorists, I mean Sadie.

Tamara

Your suicide stigma is like the herps. Just when you think it's gone, it comes back.

Tamara

He looked upset. Boners don't make you upset.

Tamara

Matty didn't even flinch. He just jet-ski'd past his heartache.

Tamara

If you got down and dirty in that hellhole, you have more to worry about than your image. The Sanctuary is the slutty vagina of palace hills, total petri dish.

Tamara

Let me tell you something about Ricky Schwartz. The only time he uses the "L word" is for burritos and lesbian porn.

Tamara

Camp levels out the playing field. Imagine if you guys had hooked up or had sex in a closet or something? Boy, this year would be different.

Tamara

Rest in peace, Ricky. You douchebag.

Tamara

Ricky, were you attracted to Sadie's manish appearance because you were gay?

Tamara

You're the shit. So put your hater shades on and black out her vibes.

Tamara

No, those are rabid fangirls waiting for you to slip and crack your head. Remember, today's fanclub is tomorrow's console patrol.

Tamara

You have everything you ever wanted. Why are you trying to sabotage it?

Tamara

[to Jenna] Stop being so dramastic, Hamilton.

Tamara

This is Bonkey Kong.

Tamara

I punch the guy one time and you Chris Brown-ify me.