Lacey Hamilton quotes from Awkward

Lacey

[to Jenna] Why can't she be like every other teenager and starve herself?

Lacey

Jenna, contrary to the advice I've been giving Ally; you need to know that every first time is the first time, and it should be special.

Lacey

The day I wrote it, my mother laid into me telling me that I wasn't raising you right and instead of tuning her out, I tuned her in. And I did what I never wanted to do: I attacked you the way she has always attacked me and it wasn't right or fair it was just a family pattern that I couldn't break.

Lacey

Without the bad days, we can never appreciate the good ones and there are so many good days coming your way. Just do me a favor, forgive yourself like you forgave me.

Lacey

I am so sorry, sweetie. I'm just going to be a bad parent and pretend I didn't see any of this.

Jenna

If my life had an escape button, I would have checked out for the day. There was only one small problem...

Lacey

Make a wish!

Jenna

It was my Goddamn birthday.

Lacey

You're embarrassing Jenna.

Jenna

You're both embarrassing Jenna!

Lacey

Do you think this push-up bra is doing its job?

Jenna

Yes, but just give it the day off.

Lacey

Did the condom break? Did you even use one?

Jenna

No, it was only one time.

Lacey

It only takes one time.

Jenna

I wasn’t thinking. I was just caught up…

Lacey

In the moment. I know. I’ve been there. Don’t be afraid. If you’re pregnant, chances are, you’ll only be nauseous for a month.

Jenna

Ugh! A month?

Lacey

Or three, but the delivery happens lickety-split unless it gets caught in your underdeveloped tibs and then it could take much longer. But you only have to sit on a donut pillow for a couple weeks which is totally okay because you probably won’t want to eat solids for a while. It’s hard to poop, but a baby is so amazing... once you get some sleep. God, I think the sleep deprivation was worse than the delivery. I couldn’t see straight for months. I really shouldn’t have been driving with an infant in the car.

Lacey

[to Sadie] Someone wants your advice?

Sadie

Yes, and here’s a tip for free: That top comes in your size too. We already know your boobs are huge.

Kevin

Are you still afraid of the lift?

Lacey

Are you still afraid of me ripping your balls off? Because you should be.

Jenna

He said I was a good person.

Lacey

That son of a bitch.

Lacey

[to Jenna] What are you doing home? Is it over? Oh my God. Did prom burn down?

Jenna

No, just my night.