Dr. Roland Burton quotes from Army Wives

Roland

My son has tremendous courage. You don't see all the medicine he has to take to keep his viral load down. And you don't see him getting sick and nauseated. He didn't feel sorry for himself. He just lives with it. We could all learn from courage like that. Look, everyone lives with an element of risk in their lives but we don't have to live with ignorance and fear. And we don't have to punish an eleven-year-old boy because we're too narrow-minded to know better.

Pamela

[Seeing the look on Roland's face as she gives birth] You having a good time?

Roland

Let's just say childbirth is disgusting as it is miraculous.

Roland

[looks up to see everyone looking at him] It wasn't me.

Roxy

Now, I'm putting this to all of you. For the first time, Trevor and I did not have sex last night. What do y'all have to say about that?

Claudia Joy

I'm impressed.

Pamela

I'm jealous.

Denise

I'm speechless.

Roland

[looks up] I'm not here! Please leave a message.

Claudia Joy

[to Betty] When is your surgery?

Roxy

She's not having it.

Claudia Joy

[concerned] Why not?

Roxy

She's short three grand. I keep telling her to sell the Hump Bar, but she won't.

Betty

This place has been truer to me than any man I've ever been with, Roxy. I can't sell it. It's better we just go out together.

Claudia Joy

There has to be something we can do.

Roland

Yeah.

Betty

[shrugging] Forget it. I mean, who needs surgery? It's like putting lipstick on a pig.

Roland

Sorry I'm late. I got dinner.

Joan

I already had dinner. It's in the trash can!

Roland

I see.

Joan

[gags] Oh baby, whatever that is, it's –– it's not welcome here!

Roland

Ok, ok, I got it. [takes food outside] You ok now?

Joan

[drinks water] My body's being invaded. I'm no longer a person, I'm a host!

Joan

Roland, I like logic, discipline, control. It makes me feel safe. That's why I love the Army. But now, I don't know. Sometimes I don't feel logical or in control

Roland

It's normal. And it's also temporary.

Joan

So it is my hormones.

Roland

Yes it is.

Joan

And you can tell the difference when it's me and when it's...

Roland

The 'mones? Yeah, I can tell the difference.

Joan

[sighs in relief] Good. 'Cause I can't, I really can't. This morning, I threw up on General Holden.

Roland

Ouch. [both laugh]

Joan

I just had a thought.

Roland

What?

Joan

Since my hormones are up and about anyway...

Roland

[grins] Might as well put them to good use.

Joan

Exactly. [they start kissing]

Joan

Whoa! Will there be a quiz?

Roland

Every day until college!

Trevor

How's the colonel feeling?

Roland

Great. I think she's making up for all the sleep she lost over her entire career.

Roland

[about the death gratuity] I remember signing those papers. But the thought of Joan being killed in combat, I just pushed it out of my mind.

Trevor

Seems like a soldier's worth more dead than alive.

Roxy

A good time? I'm up to my neck in other people's good times. Getting drunk and losing control, that's not "good times". [raises her voice] And you know what the problem is? It's never your fault! What about the people who have to pick up the tab for that, huh? What about their good times? You don't even care about the people whom you leave in your path!

Roxy

What are y'all lookin' at?! [storms off]

Roland

How are you feeling?

Roxy

I've a cold.

Roland

No kidding. Hey, Rox. What happened at the bar––

Roxy

I know. I was over the top.

Roland

People who grow up with addictions, they develop their own addictions. It's called enabling.

Roxy

You know, I was hoping the first five addicts I hooked up with were just a coincidence. Trevor was different. I was sure I'd broken the cycle.

Roland

Trevor is different. This is situational. But the way in which you're handling it is not. Glossing over problems, taking on more than you can do, not admitting defeat. That's the pattern.

Roland

You would not believe this. These are Joan's nanny requirements.

Denise

Oooh. I can't wait.

Roland

[reading off paper] Great parental instincts, infant CPR certificate, clean driving record, stable family background, advanced college degree or experience as a pediatric nurse.

Claudia Joy

Is that all?

Roland

She calls me every hour with another addition.

Pamela

So Mary Poppins need not apply?

Roland

I barely qualify.

Roxy

How's the mom thing going?

Roland

It's like she and Joan have this secret club. They look at me, then they look at each other and then they laugh.

Roland

[awkwardly] Right, it's kinda like that.

Roxy

Ok bones. Make it rain. [throws dice] Yes! This is so fun!!

Roland

It's always fun when you win.

Chase

[bored] I don't understand craps.

Pamela

Yeah, me either.

Claudia Joy

Hi. I hope I'm not disturbing you

Roland

No, not at all. Come on in.

Claudia Joy

I keep forgetting to drop these photographs off. I took them at the baby shower. [hands photo album to Roland]

Roland

Oh.

Claudia Joy

They're the old-fashioned kind. On film.

Claudia Joy

[waves at his face] Anybody in there?

Roland

[snaps out his daydream] Ah, I'm not sure. You want some coffee?

Claudia Joy

Woah, you've got something baby-related on your shirt. [grabs a towel and wipes the spit off Roland's shirt]

Roland

[mutters] Thanks.

Claudia Joy

How is my godchild?

Roland

[still in a stance] Asleep. Finally.

Claudia Joy

So Mr. Mom is getting to you already?

Roland

Oh damn it. [looks at Sara Elizabeth] I didn't say that. I didn't say that... [picks up phone to call Joan]

Joan

[hands Trevor a cooler] My house. Fast.

Trevor

Yes ma'am.

Joan

If anyone asks, you're going on a picnic.

Roland

[opens door, relieved to see Trevor] Thought you'd never get here.

Trevor

Sorry, had to wait for that hand-off.

Roland

Yeah pumping can take a lot longer than you might think.

Trevor

Try not to think about it.

Roland

[sees Joan] Hey! Mommy's home.

Joan

Only for a few minutes.

Roland

But you do have time for lunch right?

Joan

[playing with Sara Elizabeth] Hmm?

Roland

Lunch.

Joan

If it's quick. [takes out a file and reads]

Roland

[takes food out of oven] It's not only quick, my dear. It's ready. [brings plate to Joan] First course, ginger shrimp Thai dumplings. You mince the shrimp–– [Joan takes a dumpling and puts it in her mouth without saying a word] ...and let it marinate for three hours in ginger sauce. Add a little fresh cilantro and sc–– [Joan takes another without looking up] ...scallions.

Roland

[awkwardly] Glad you like 'em. [looks at Joan writing in her file] A grocery list?

Joan

[continues writing] Jostling my battle strategy.

Roland

It's a good thing these war games start tomorrow. I like my wife back for at least a little while before she deploys.

Joan

[sighs] I'm gonna mop the floor with Evan Connor. [turns and leaves]