Frank Sherwood quotes from Army Wives

Denise

[on the phone with Frank] There's nothing wrong. I'm just taking a bath.

Frank

Oh. Damn, I wish there was a webcam!

Claudia Joy

Where are you going?

Denise

No idea. Some place special, Frank said. He wants to continue our conversation from last night.

Claudia Joy

What happened last night?

Denise

I told him he was "old-fashioned".

Roxy

Oops.

Denise

Yeah. I meant it as a compliment.

Claudia Joy

[cringes] Errr, no man likes to be called "old"-anything.

Pamela

Men are such babies. He'll get over it. Just ask him to open a jar or something.

Frank

[takes off his helmet] Afternoon, ladies.

Denise

[shocked] Frank???

Frank

Hey, baby. Wanna go for a ride?

Denise

You bet! [walks to Frank and gets on his bike]

Roxy

Is that really Frank??

Denise

[mischievously] That'll be $8.50, soldier.

Frank

Hang on now. Are my sideburns even?

Denise

Uh....yeah, yeah. It's your head that's crooked.

Michael

I've been looking over the promotions list. How does "Lieutenant Colonel Sherwood" sound?

Frank

Well, to be honest, sir, it sounds a little fancy for a mutt like me.

Michael

Well, get used to it. It's being announced next week.

Frank

Thank you, sir.

Michael

You've earned it. As it happens, my G-3 is also on that list. He's headed to Fort Carson as a full-bird which leaves me with a problem and I was hoping you could help me solve.

Frank

Sir?

Michael

I'd like you to be my new G-3. I know how much you like being in the field but you're almost at the end of your third tour and my thinking is––

Frank

I accept.

Michael

[looks at Frank strangely] You don't even want to think it over?

Frank

[without hesitation] No need, sir.

Michael

Welcome aboard, Colonel.

Frank

Thank you, sir.

Denise

Frank!

Frank

What?

Denise

Behave! Today's my first ride-along and I'm out of practice.

Frank

Aw, Dee, you can do this paramedic stuff in your sleep.

Denise

I've got 500 hours to log and I want to be the best.

Frank

500 hours? Sheesh! [sits up] Ok, you can save my life but I gotta warn ya, you're turning me on.

Denise

[laughs] I suppose you're right. If I don't know it by now, this isn't gonna help.

Frank

[mischievously] How about we practice a little mouth-to-mouth? [grabs Denise and they start kissing]

Frank

You want a beer?

Absolutely.

Denise

Frank, he's underaged

Frank

Oh hell. If a man's old enough to go to war, he's old enough to have a beer in his own damn house.

Denise

But next time, I drive.

Frank

That's fine with me. That way I get to wrap my arms around you.

Claudia Joy

You're having a baby? Seriously?

Denise

Yup.

Claudia Joy

I don't believe it.

Denise

You? What about me?

Claudia Joy

What about Frank?

Frank

I was fine, once I came to. [shakes head] At first I thought she was joking.

Michael

So would I. You had no inkling?

Frank

[shakes head] None, none. After Jeremy was born they said Denise couldn't have more kids. [pauses] We haven't worried about birth control since.

Claudia Joy

You always said you wanted more children.

Denise

I meant twenty years ago. Talk about a late gift.

Claudia Joy

Oh, you're healthy, you're strong. This is a blessing. It's exciting.

Denise

Try terrifying. Well, you know the risks at our age. Chromosome problems, pre-eclampsia, even diabetes. I just thought I was past all this long time ago.

Claudia Joy

Having kids keeps you younger.

Frank

[horrified] Oh God. I feel old. I'm gonna be that guy sitting at a little league game with the ice cream dribbling down his chin. Other parents are gonna think I'm someone's grandpa.

Michael

[chuckles] Who cares what they think? I'd say this calls for a drink.

Frank

At nine in the morning?

Michael

It's four in the afternoon in Baghdad.

Frank

Roger that.

Denise

Don't you have anything stronger?

Claudia Joy

Not for nine months, my friend.

Denise

Oh, I just realized that I will be packing lunch boxes when I'm fifty.

Frank

Honestly, Dee. It looks like the choices are between green, green and green.

Denise

No. Pistachio, willow and julup.

Frank

Green.

Denise

It's important, Frank. The baby is going to be living with these walls.

Frank

How about black and white?

Denise

[groans and rolls her eyes] Frank.

Frank

No, I'm serious!

Denise

A nice soothing color helps the baby's development. They've done studies.

Frank

I know. And the latest research in early cognitive development suggests that high contrast actually stimulates the infant brain more.

Frank

Hey. You're not the only one that can read up on the subject.

Denise

You've been reading about babies?

Frank

Well, um, when Jeremy was born it was all just a blur. At least it was for me. This time it's going to be different.

Denise

I'm proud of you. [kisses Frank] But I don't care if it's a boy or a girl, there is no way we are painting the baby's room black and white.

Frank

Oh, hell, I could do it. I've got nothing going tomorrow night.

Roland

Hey, that's really nice Frank, but...you know, Sara Elizabeth can be a real handful these days.

Frank

Well, I admit it's been a while since I looked after a toddler but I need to get back in training. [points at a pregnant Denise] Soon.

Denise

Uh, honey, I don't think Roland wants his daughter to be used as a field exercise.

Frank

That's not what I meant. Look, we're tag-teaming. Take the first shift together, you show me the ropes. When you gotta leave I'll take over.

Denise

Roland?

Roland

Um, you know, if the Lieutenant Colonel can lead men into combat I'm sure he can look after my daughter.

Frank

I appreciate the vote of confidence. [picks up the baby bag] [Denise laughs] I'll take these into the baby's room. Thank you.

Roland

Thank you, Frank. [looks on in amusement]

Denise

[chuckles] Well, what can I tell you? My warrior has turned into Mr Mom.

Michael

Frank?

Frank

I'm sorry to disturb you sir.

Michael

[Sara Elizabeth is crying and screaming in the background] What is that? A cat in heat?

Frank

Uh, that would be your goddaughter sir.

Michael

Sara Elizabeth?

Frank

Affirmative. I'm at the Burton residence and I got babysitting detail.

Michael

[chuckles] Really.

Frank

Yes, sir. And I have a bit of a situation. [Sara Elizabeth is still crying]

Michael

[amused] Apparently.

Frank

Nothing I can't handle but I thought that perhaps considering your background with a child and the fact that you've raised two females yourself...

Michael

Sit tight, I'm on my way.

Frank

[relieved] Thank you sir!

Frank

Live fire exercises before my second tour. Some numbskull pulls a pin of out of a grenade and then manages to throw the thing behind him.

You're kidding!

Frank

Don't know how he did it. It's a miracle nobody was hurt. Turns out the thing rolled into a hole before it exploded. If it hadn't done that then, well, who knows what would've happened. Point is, some days you get lucky.

Frank

You all right sir?

Michael

[groans] Heavy PT this morning with Emmalin. We did stadiums.

Frank

Really. How many?

Michael

Ten.

Frank

[chuckles] Well, that's ambitious.

Michael

[looks at Frank] Word of advice. Start stretching now before the baby gets here.

Frank

Roger that.

Michael

[e-mailing Claudia Joy] Dear Claudia Joy, it feels like an eternity since we kissed goodbye. I've been going 24/7 since we put boots on the ground in Kandahar. Mostly my days are taken up with shuras. That's Afghan for meetings, meetings and more meetings. I swear I've never had so much tea in my life. Frank's working with our NATO counterparts, though I think the officers from France would prefer he didn't try to speak French.

Frank

[e-mailing Denise] You should hear me parle de francais, Dee. I sound just like a native. There are 42 nations in the coalition and I'm liaison with all of them. There's some cultural differences and it can get confusing, but the assignment has its perks. The Germans have beer flowing in their base camp so I might just have to ask for a tour. I sure hope that baby Molly's easing up on her jiujitsu so you can get some sleep. I've seen Jeremy. The boy's settling just fine. Try not to worry about him, Dee, though I know that's easier said than done.

[e-mailing Denise] Hey Mom. I'm sweating my butt off here. I would give anything for a shower longer than three minutes. No worries though. Sergeant LeBlanc pushes us hard but I know he wants to keep us sharp.

Trevor

[e-mailing Roxy] Hey babe, I think of you all the time. No matter what I'm doing, you and the boys are always with me. I bet Fort Marshall's a ghost town since deployment. Hope you're finding things to keep busy. That's it for now. Love you and miss you tons. Hugs to the boys for me and enjoy the peace and quiet.

Frank

[startled] What is it?

[panting] Mom's having the baby. Now.

Frank

What? How do you know?

I called her to tell her I was getting married and her water broke while I was on the phone.

Frank

Oh, good lord. I gotta go to the teleconference room.

[tosses Frank's patrol cap to him] Dad, cover!

Frank

[pokes head back out] You're gettin' married???