Betty quotes from Army Wives

Betty

Excuses are like backsides. Everybody's got one and they all stink.

Betty

[to TJ and Finn after they had set off an alarm] Hey! Watch it! Pull the wrong plug and I'll die.

Betty

Roxy, I want you to be happy, honey. I spent most of my life in that place and what do I have to show for it? Half-empty bed, that's what I have to show for it. If I had to choose right now between the man I love and that bar, I would burn it to the ground, honey.

Roxy

I'm half hoping for a medical discharge so he'll stay home for good. Does that make me selfish?

Betty

Yup. [Roxy looks at her] Army's his identity. Take it away, what's he got left?

Betty

People are like artichokes.

Roxy

Don't you mean onions?

Betty

[deadpan] I like any word that has "choke" in it. It fits better with marriage.

Claudia Joy

[to Betty] When is your surgery?

Roxy

She's not having it.

Claudia Joy

[concerned] Why not?

Roxy

She's short three grand. I keep telling her to sell the Hump Bar, but she won't.

Betty

This place has been truer to me than any man I've ever been with, Roxy. I can't sell it. It's better we just go out together.

Claudia Joy

There has to be something we can do.

Roland

Yeah.

Betty

[shrugging] Forget it. I mean, who needs surgery? It's like putting lipstick on a pig.

Roxy

They're not sending you to County. I got you another week!

Betty

[in amazement] Roxy LeBlanc. What did you do?!

Roxy

I took my shirt off. And as soon as the week is over, you're moving in with me.

Roxy

[excitedly] I know you've only got a minute so, how are you? Are you ok? Are you alive? Are you hurt in anyway at all?

Trevor

I'm good. Yes, yes, no.

Trevor

How about everybody else? They're doing all right?

Roxy

They're getting there.

Trevor

And Betty? That old bat make it through?

Betty

[walks out to the kitchen, deadpan] Bat's right here!

Trevor

[embarrassed] Oh...

Roxy

Oh, guess what? Finn's in love!

Trevor

With Betty???

Roxy

No.

Mrs. Holden

Roxy

As in Claudia Joy Holden!

Trevor

Listen.

Roxy

What?

Trevor

It's quiet. I never thought I'd miss that.

Betty

[walks in from kitchen] Welcome home, superhero.

Trevor

Hello, Betty.

Betty

[deadpan] Where's the cake?

Roxy

Would you give him a minute before you start with the wisecracks?!

Trevor

It's fine. I like that someone has a sense of humor about this whole thing. [Betty turns on the TV] Ugh...goodbye quiet.

Betty

How's the shoulder?

Trevor

It's ok. How's the cancer?

Betty

Sucks. [deadpan] Wanna trade?

Trevor

[shakes head] No.

Betty

Well, at least you got to take out your enemy. Damn cancer's a sneaky bastard. [points fingers at a mock target] I wish I could just line it up in the crosshairs and drop the son of a bitch. [pretends to shoot]

Trevor

[sighs] Yeah, don't be so sure.

Betty

[pauses] Must be tough to actually shoot somebody.

Trevor

I know what I did was right but all the attention...I don't know, it just feels wrong somehow. I killed a man. Why would I celebrate that?