Denise Sherwood quotes from Army Wives

Denise

[Talking to Claudia about her feelings and how mixed up they are] Just being around him makes me feel like I'm lying to him.

Denise

[on the phone with Frank] There's nothing wrong. I'm just taking a bath.

Frank

Oh. Damn, I wish there was a webcam!

Denise

Roxy's right. We need to kick some ass.

Claudia Joy

[stops and looks at Denise in surprise] Did you just say "kick some ass"?

Denise

And I'm learning how to. Roxy is teaching me to box. She's a real survivor, that girl. I can't lift my arms but it was fun.

Claudia Joy

Why are you learning how to box?

Denise

Jeremy lost his temper. Again.

Claudia Joy

He hurt you. Even after Michael warned him?

Denise

Yeah. Roxy walked in and, well, she kicked him in the groin.

Claudia Joy

[surprised] I don't know what to say.

Roxy

Now, I'm putting this to all of you. For the first time, Trevor and I did not have sex last night. What do y'all have to say about that?

Claudia Joy

I'm impressed.

Pamela

I'm jealous.

Denise

I'm speechless.

Roland

[looks up] I'm not here! Please leave a message.

Pamela

Hey, you guys, Claudia Joy is doing okay, huh? You've gotta admire how she's been handling things, especially with Mrs. Lenore Baker trying to take her down like that.

Roxy

Do you really think she would use what happened against Claudia Joy like that?

Pamela

That's how it works around here sometimes.

Roxy

Well, what do we do?

Denise

We stick together. We support Claudia Joy, no matter what.

Roxy

We deep fry Lenore Baker and serve her up with a side of hushpuppies!

Roxy

[opening her front door] Weren't you just here awhile ago?

Pamela

I know. But this time I brought a medical professional.

Denise

[sliding a bottle of wine out of a paper bag as she walks through the door] This won't cure anything, but it just might make the waiting easier.

Roxy

I doubt it.

Pamela

Well, it couldn't hurt to try.

Roxy

[laughs as she walks toward the kitchen] Look at the two of you. It feels like I'm on the wrong end of an intervention.

Roland

You would not believe this. These are Joan's nanny requirements.

Denise

Oooh. I can't wait.

Roland

[reading off paper] Great parental instincts, infant CPR certificate, clean driving record, stable family background, advanced college degree or experience as a pediatric nurse.

Claudia Joy

Is that all?

Roland

She calls me every hour with another addition.

Pamela

So Mary Poppins need not apply?

Roland

I barely qualify.

Roxy

How's the mom thing going?

Roland

It's like she and Joan have this secret club. They look at me, then they look at each other and then they laugh.

Roland

[awkwardly] Right, it's kinda like that.

Claudia Joy

Where are you going?

Denise

No idea. Some place special, Frank said. He wants to continue our conversation from last night.

Claudia Joy

What happened last night?

Denise

I told him he was "old-fashioned".

Roxy

Oops.

Denise

Yeah. I meant it as a compliment.

Claudia Joy

[cringes] Errr, no man likes to be called "old"-anything.

Pamela

Men are such babies. He'll get over it. Just ask him to open a jar or something.

Frank

[takes off his helmet] Afternoon, ladies.

Denise

[shocked] Frank???

Frank

Hey, baby. Wanna go for a ride?

Denise

You bet! [walks to Frank and gets on his bike]

Roxy

Is that really Frank??

Denise

[mischievously] That'll be $8.50, soldier.

Frank

Hang on now. Are my sideburns even?

Denise

Uh....yeah, yeah. It's your head that's crooked.

Denise

Frank!

Frank

What?

Denise

Behave! Today's my first ride-along and I'm out of practice.

Frank

Aw, Dee, you can do this paramedic stuff in your sleep.

Denise

I've got 500 hours to log and I want to be the best.

Frank

500 hours? Sheesh! [sits up] Ok, you can save my life but I gotta warn ya, you're turning me on.

Denise

[laughs] I suppose you're right. If I don't know it by now, this isn't gonna help.

Frank

[mischievously] How about we practice a little mouth-to-mouth? [grabs Denise and they start kissing]

Frank

You want a beer?

Absolutely.

Denise

Frank, he's underaged

Frank

Oh hell. If a man's old enough to go to war, he's old enough to have a beer in his own damn house.

Denise

He seems fine...but how do you know?

Claudia Joy

I can't imagine losing a friend during deployment. Michael says it's something you never get over.

Denise

It's hard enough watching your husband go through it. It's harder watching your son.

Claudia Joy

I don't know how they do it.

Denise

Me neither. One day you're in a combat zone. The next day you're having burgers in your own backyard.

Trevor

Lookin' for Tiger?

Denise

You heard.

Trevor

Yeah, I spent an hour with her at the driving range. I'm impressed you lasted 18 holes.

Well, Lenny should be here any minute.

Claudia Joy

We're delighted your wife could join us.

Michael

Absolutely.

After my wife died I was sure I'd never get married again. I mean, who'd want to marry an old warhorse?

Denise

You suffered a service, General.

Then along came Lenny. Vibrant, beautiful. She understands what Army life is about.

Claudia Joy

How'd you meet her?

Six months ago in DC at a fundraiser. She loves helping other people.

Claudia Joy

She sounds wonderful

I think you're gonna like her. There she is. [calls out] Honey, over here!

[in shock] Lenore???

Hello, dears. Small world, isn't it?

Roxy

Lenore Baker??? Tell me I'm dreaming.

Pamela

Yeah. You're havin' a nightmare! What is she doing here?

Roland

Well, from the looks of it, she is General Ludwig's new wife.

Pamela

[in disbelief] How did she get her hooks in a four-star??

Roxy

Oh, she must be a dynamo in the sack.

Roland

[makes a face] Oooo.

Roxy

What, come on, what else could it be?

Roland

Aw come on now, let's be fair. Lenore was a very supportive wife to General Baker.

Pamela

Let's not be fair. She's a heartbeat-wannabe muzzled.

Roxy

Yeah, and don't forget, she accused Claudia Joy of murder.

Pamela

And spread a rumor that Michael was a racist.

Roxy

And she didn't have very nice things to say about us either.

Pamela

Yeah.

Roland

I'm not saying the woman's perfect.

Claudia Joy

[walks to join Denise and Pamela at the table] What did I miss?

Pamela

About a beer and a half. [laughs]

Roxy

[brings a bottle of wine to the table] Wine.

Claudia Joy

I think this occasion calls for a toast. [holds cup] To The Hump. Can't keep a good bar down.

Pamela

Really, Rox? Water?

Roxy

Yeah. Water. It's better for the baby.

Pamela

What?

Denise

Baby?

Roxy

[squeals in excitement] I'm pregnant!!!