Michael Holden quotes from Army Wives

Michael

Your mother's gone only a few hours and our eating habits have gone completely to hell.

Michael

[telling Claudia Joy about Joan's brain injury] You should've seen the look on her face when I told her she couldn't deploy. We may have reached a hundred days without a fatality but yesterday I lost one of my best soldiers.

Michael

As a senior officer you're always one accusation away from retirement.

Michael

A measure of leadership is how a unit performs when the leader isn't present.

Michael

Claudia Joy Holden, after 17 years of marriage my heart still skips a beat every time I look at you.

Claudia Joy

Michael James Holden, after 17 years of marriage I can't believe that tired old line of yours still works.

Joan

[trying her best to hide her nausea] Deployment papers ready for your signature sir.

Michael

Which unit is leaving next?

Joan

3rd Brigade Combat Team.

Michael

All right. Thank you, Joan.

Joan

Yes, sir. [turns to leave]

Michael

Oh, wait. [Joan stops in her tracks] I'd like you to pull their files for me.

Joan

All of them, sir? There's almost 500. [Michael looks up at her] I'll have them on your desk by this afternoon–– [dashes to the trash can and vomits in it]

Michael

[stoically] I'm guessing that's either bad sushi or you decided to keep the baby.

Joan

[regains composure] The baby.

Claudia Joy

Don't you remember? Paolo and Maria had lilies waiting for us in our hotel room when we arrived.

Michael

[in amazement] You remember what kind of flowers were in a hotel room twenty years ago? That's scary.

Michael

I've been looking over the promotions list. How does "Lieutenant Colonel Sherwood" sound?

Frank

Well, to be honest, sir, it sounds a little fancy for a mutt like me.

Michael

Well, get used to it. It's being announced next week.

Frank

Thank you, sir.

Michael

You've earned it. As it happens, my G-3 is also on that list. He's headed to Fort Carson as a full-bird which leaves me with a problem and I was hoping you could help me solve.

Frank

Sir?

Michael

I'd like you to be my new G-3. I know how much you like being in the field but you're almost at the end of your third tour and my thinking is––

Frank

I accept.

Michael

[looks at Frank strangely] You don't even want to think it over?

Frank

[without hesitation] No need, sir.

Michael

Welcome aboard, Colonel.

Frank

Thank you, sir.

Michael

How do you do it?

Claudia Joy

Do what?

Michael

Organize everything and still manage to look so damn beautiful.

Claudia Joy

Michael, I am so sorry but what could we do? She's a nut!

Michael

Yeah. Faulty intell. I thought she was just a doddering old lady. Turns out she's the merry widow.

Claudia Joy

She needs armed escort, not us.

Michael

Just get her to that ceremony tomorrow and she'll be out of our hairs. [turns to walk back to his office]

Claudia Joy

[glumly] Easy for you to say.

Michael

[smiles] That's why I'm the general.

Michael

[walks into kitchen] What can I do?

Claudia Joy

Uh... [hands him a bread knife] Slice the bread.

Michael

The one thing I can't ruin, right?

Claudia Joy

No guarantees.

Well, Lenny should be here any minute.

Claudia Joy

We're delighted your wife could join us.

Michael

Absolutely.

After my wife died I was sure I'd never get married again. I mean, who'd want to marry an old warhorse?

Denise

You suffered a service, General.

Then along came Lenny. Vibrant, beautiful. She understands what Army life is about.

Claudia Joy

How'd you meet her?

Six months ago in DC at a fundraiser. She loves helping other people.

Claudia Joy

She sounds wonderful

I think you're gonna like her. There she is. [calls out] Honey, over here!

[in shock] Lenore???

Hello, dears. Small world, isn't it?

Roxy

Lenore Baker??? Tell me I'm dreaming.

Pamela

Yeah. You're havin' a nightmare! What is she doing here?

Roland

Well, from the looks of it, she is General Ludwig's new wife.

Pamela

[in disbelief] How did she get her hooks in a four-star??

Roxy

Oh, she must be a dynamo in the sack.

Roland

[makes a face] Oooo.

Roxy

What, come on, what else could it be?

Roland

Aw come on now, let's be fair. Lenore was a very supportive wife to General Baker.

Pamela

Let's not be fair. She's a heartbeat-wannabe muzzled.

Roxy

Yeah, and don't forget, she accused Claudia Joy of murder.

Pamela

And spread a rumor that Michael was a racist.

Roxy

And she didn't have very nice things to say about us either.

Pamela

Yeah.

Roland

I'm not saying the woman's perfect.

Claudia Joy

I don't think I've ever fooled around with a two-star general.

Michael

[mischievously] Really? Have anyone in mind?

Claudia Joy

You'll do.

Claudia Joy

Buy you a drink, soldier?

Michael

I'm married.

Claudia Joy

Bet your wife doesn't understand you.

Claudia Joy

You're having a baby? Seriously?

Denise

Yup.

Claudia Joy

I don't believe it.

Denise

You? What about me?

Claudia Joy

What about Frank?

Frank

I was fine, once I came to. [shakes head] At first I thought she was joking.

Michael

So would I. You had no inkling?

Frank

[shakes head] None, none. After Jeremy was born they said Denise couldn't have more kids. [pauses] We haven't worried about birth control since.

Claudia Joy

You always said you wanted more children.

Denise

I meant twenty years ago. Talk about a late gift.

Claudia Joy

Oh, you're healthy, you're strong. This is a blessing. It's exciting.

Denise

Try terrifying. Well, you know the risks at our age. Chromosome problems, pre-eclampsia, even diabetes. I just thought I was past all this long time ago.

Claudia Joy

Having kids keeps you younger.

Frank

[horrified] Oh God. I feel old. I'm gonna be that guy sitting at a little league game with the ice cream dribbling down his chin. Other parents are gonna think I'm someone's grandpa.

Michael

[chuckles] Who cares what they think? I'd say this calls for a drink.

Frank

At nine in the morning?

Michael

It's four in the afternoon in Baghdad.

Frank

Roger that.

Denise

Don't you have anything stronger?

Claudia Joy

Not for nine months, my friend.

Denise

Oh, I just realized that I will be packing lunch boxes when I'm fifty.