Aqua Teen Hunger Force · Season 2
(angry when his TV is destroyed) Whoa! Hey!
(drunk) Is that a time— the time rift! Is that a time rift over there?
No, that's a curtain.
Move. (gets behind the curtain)
Hey. Are you all right?
Get out of the time rift. You have no idea where this will send you.
Maybe you should lie down or something.
Yeah, you wanna lie down cause I hit you in the face? [Turkatron passes out]
(Looks ouside with a turkey leg and sees all the turkatrons) You have got to be freakin' kidding me.
What are you eating?
This is your, uh, great, great, great, uh... (sees all of them aim their laser socks at him and gets angry) Your mother! (They shoot at him and he explodes).
Chickens are a vital link in nature's chain, and that's why we use them to play chickenball in the house.
The house smells awful.
Well, why? Why does it smell that way?!
(hurt) Did we have to go to that tone...already? You start off so nice.
Look, alright? I'm sorry, okay, just explain. Please. Why?
Well, this is what I did, see: you know how the flies have been a problem?
...no, I don't.
And remember when I left all the meat out because I saw Mr. David Lynch I'm-On-TV do it and he got on TV from doing it and I did it and I didn't get on TV from doing it?
No, I don't remember that.
Well, I did, and because of this, of course, you get rats.
Ughhh. So why does the house smell?
I'm not doooone! Look, when we go in there...you need to watch where you step.
And why is that?!
[part of the house explodes]
DAMN!
...that is part of the reason. Now let's go in and remember what I said.
[One of Shake's landmines blew up and the house is now missing a wall]
Its opened up now. I got rid of that stupid fire place so now the room has a flow. You feel it?
We never had a fire place!
We never used it.
WE NEVER HAD ONE!
Well I never liked it...
[Shake has just shown Frylock the monitors showing his room a complete mess]
I'm gonna edit this.
Well you just have fun watchin' it by yourself because we're done being roommates and we're done being friends!
Look, I had to do that. You'll understand one day when you're older!
I'll send a crew for my stuff later. See ya.
Now I can declare that space as a loss...on the taxes I'll pay in August. Are you listenin' to me?! August is when I do it!
[after Frylock moves out]
Thanks for moving me, Carl.
Yeah, well... thanks for leavin'. When are the other two showin' up?
Oh, they're not.
...What do you mean, they're not?
Oh, you didn't know? They're stayin' in the house next to you.
...That's not exactly what we agreed upon, is it?
...Well, I lied. But, here's that candy cane I promised you.
Naw, save it for Christmas. Just stick it right back up your ass. I'll, uh, see you never.
[Shake and Meatwad play chickenball as Meatwad's eyes are infected]
All right, now throw that chicken right down the middle. Okay, it's gonna go right outta the park, baby!
Where are you? Where's the strike zone?
Over here, follow my voice!
I can't see! I got some sort of chicken infection in my eye.
All right, fine. Go down the hallway and wash it out.
No, sir. I ain't never goin' down that hallway never again.
Then you pitch that chicken!
Meatwad, it's for you. Someone who thinks he's your friend.
(with severely swollen eyes) Bring him over to the light.
Ooh, Meatwad. How are you doing?
Oh, Frylock! Hey! I'm very...can I tell you the truth?
Meatwad!
I'm very good!
If you're that good, then maybe you should be putting some more foam on our fire. I'm not an Eskimo over here, y'know.
Well, your face looks all...puffy.
No, no, I'm just tired! I-I fell down some stairs.
We don't have any stairs, Meatwad.
If he said he fell down some stairs, he fell down some stairs! People get clumsy sometimes! Is there a problem here?!
He's sick, Shake, and so are you.
Well, he's supposed to be next door, harvesting the crops, picking our dinner. See, we're farming now, we're farmers! It's an honest life.
We ain't got no more hollow leaves over there, we ate that whole bush yesterday! That's why the bathroom hurts so bad!
Well, what else did you plant over there?!
I ain't planted nothin'.
That's why you fall down the stairs all the time.
(eating spring rolls) This has gone well. Tell you what- mmm, hold on- I will allow visitation hours, for you and us, provided- mmm- you bring lots of these little fried burritos.
Well...no. I'll see y'all later.
Wait, wait, wait, h-hang on: anddddd you pay us a stipend.
Fuck you, Shake. See ya.
Nononono, wait, wait, wait, hang on, hang on now. Come on, I'm-I'm being serious now. Seriously: a memorial plaque will be carved and bejeweled in my honor.
He left. Again.
(defensively) Those are the terms!
[The house is on fire. Shortly after, the phone rings at Frylock's apartment]
Hello?
(eyes severely swollen) Aren't you coming back?
[Angry] Hell no! (hangs up)
This is your left, that's your left. This is your left, that's your left. This is your right, that's your right. This is your right, you're gonna die.
Man. This is some good TV right here. [wakes up Shake who is sleeping on the chair] Hey hey hey.
[yawning] What?
You missin' some good TV.
Change it.
I ain't changin this. This is the best.
[pulls out a flaming arrow] Change it.
To what? Come on, this is good.
Why don't we let the arrow decide.
Aw don't do that- [Shake fires the flaming arrow at the TV] AW COME ON!
[TV explodes]
And now it's changed. The changeling.
[from bedroom] What was that?! What's going on?
What do you think it was?!
It was you boy.
[goes to an empty closet] What the- Hey! This closet was full of TVs last time I checked and now there's none.
'Cause you keep breakin' 'em.
'Cause you keep pissing me off so bad! You should be lucky I direct my anger at the media, and not your buttocks!
Yeah, Frylock, please. Make us a TV. I mean look at me. How else am I gonna face the day? I ain't got no job, my wife left me, bills pilin' up, I got child support payments, and I have no idea if what I said's true. But I believe it.
He is right.
We needs to dull our senses.
[Shake shoves the TV off the stand and it jumps up]
Whoa damn. Did you just see that?!
No, we didn't see it. Everything's fine. Now just SHUT UP and go control it.
[Shake attempts to hit the TV with a bat and it jumps again]
Damn! Did you just see that?!
I'm not in the business of seeing whatever pleases you. [chases after TV] Get back here you son of a...
Well I'm in business. [to himself] The business of kicking your ass. And let me tell you, business is booming. I'm open for business. Business of giving you the business...up your butt... [looks up and sees Shake looking at him] Did you hear me say that?
You looking to expand your business?
[starts running] Business is closed! Business is closed!
[The TV is chained to the stand]
Alright! 's what's called taking command of the situation! Meatwad... you turn it on.
I ain't going near that TV, boy! I think that thing's alive!
[sternly] Go over there, get close to it, and touch it to turn it on.
What'll you give me?
Six months to a year. And brother, you are dead!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Aqua Teen Hunger Force pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
