Aqua Teen Hunger Force · Season 1
[Shake comes disguised As Meatwad]
Hey, look at me! I'm stupid as hell, I can't even breathe properly, let alone read! What's that?
And now.. the Amazing Arctic Igloo!
What?!
Yeah, turn into that Igloo!
Take your top off!!
Carl...
Yeah..so..where is that, Milkshake?
Well I uh.. (takes off his costume and shows it's really him in disguise with hair under his eyes) Look it's the Amazing Milkshake with the Bearded Eyes!!
And I'll tell you something else Frylock, I did not see one computer in that whole camp.
Yeah, yeah. Say, have you noticed that Indian burial ground that's coming up through our drain again?
Nah, that's Inside-out Boy. He just needs a place to stay for a few days.
Whoo, I just ate a whole bathtub full of cherry cobbler. It was delicious.
...You're joking, right?
No, I'm not.
...NOOOOOOOOO!!!
[Mummy is yelling in the basement]
Shake? [Yelling Continues] Shake! Turn those damn monster movies down-- [Notices nobody in the living room] Shake?
[Master Shake and Meatwad enter living room]
Who's watching my TV? Because I...
I bought the damn TV!
Will you two shut up and listen? [Yelling Continues] It sounds like it's coming from the floor.
[beats the floor with a broomstick] Will you SHUT UP?! You hear me?! It's three o'clock in the morning and I need to sleep! [Frylock knocks him out with chloroform]
Hey, can I have some of that?
Just go to sleep and we'll deal with it in the morning.
Yeah sure, I'll just go to sleep and tomorrow morning I'm gonna call me a social worker. [Frylock prepares a dose of chloroform] And tell him I'm in unfit living conditions and the city will be over here so fast tha-- oh. [Knocked out by chloroform]
No, here's a better idea: Hell no.
Why does he get a lobster?
'Cause he's the mummy, damn it! Now shut up!
Do you know what time it is, huh? It's 2:30 in the afternoon, and people are trying to sleep. [Notices the mummy] Whose mummy?
I found it in the crawlspace.
So you were the one doing all the moaning when I was trying to sleep, huh?
[Mummy giggles]
Shake, you don't wanna piss him off. He has the power to curse you.
Do it, Shake. Piss him off.
I'll do what I want, when I want, and how I want, and no mummy— you hear me, Band-Aid...
Here it comes.
No mummy is gonna tell me what to do.
Curse! Curse!! CURSE!!!
Oh, damn.
You done? We all done...
CURSE!!!
Now are you done?
Yes.
Cause I'm done listening to you. I got a curse for you. It's called, "tomorrow morning, your ass is outta here." I'm going back to bed!
Curse.
I heard it already! I know! It's a friggin' curse!
Shake, I think he may have cursed you.
(sarcastically) Oh, je-ya think? Cuz, I mean, he only said it about a thousand times!
(reading) "The curse of the mummy is just a figure of speech. Vomiting locusts for a thousand years is just an old wives tale. The real curse of the mummy is that he is completely socially inept, devoid of all manners, gold-digging, manipulative, and a selfish brat. Don't ever wake him unless you have a lot of time and money on your hands. Thank you for buying Mummies for Dummies.
[Wearing the Mummy's Hat] I'm the King! King Carl!
[Yelling in the Background]
[Mimicing Egyptian Music] Da da da da daaa, you know I'm your ruler!
CURSE! CUUURSE!
Huh hun huh hee, yeah [Mummy continuing to yell] SHUT UP!
Shoot, I'm so dumb as hell I'll never get hired in today's fast-paced world. I'm just gonna go inside and wait for my body to die.
[Narrating] Aw, c'mon Meatwad, you can't be that dumb.
[Pan to Meatwad inside Carl's bedroom]
What, is this not my room?
What do you think?
......Yes?
[Carl throws Meatwad out the window]
Well, damn. Maybe Meatwad is that dumb.
Wait a second. This ain't no brain, this is a damn bee's nest.
A book?! No sir! Shake says that books is from the devil, and that TV is twice as fast.
Twice as fast at what?
Information.
[Reading from "The Tiniest Bullfrog"] Jeremy the Bullfrog lived in a tiny swamp on the edge of town. Every day he would dream of playing professional basketball. But he lived in a swamp, far away from the city lights and a major market team.
One look at Niels Bohr's atomic model makes it abundantly clear that there is a way to pass through solid matter. So in summation, we can have our daily tea-party in the fifth dimension.
Knock-knock. Well, I hope I'm--OH MY GOD!
[Meatwad is about 10-15 times his usual size]
Frylock, what a pleasant surprise. I'm just finishing up my symposium. You've met my colleagues, Professor Vanessa and Dr. Dewey.
Yeah, what happened to your body, man?!
Well, it's obvious, isn't it? Thermal expansion.
No, it's not thermal expansion. I know what thermal expansion is.
Okay, fine, I'm sure that you do. Let's see.. how can I explain this without blowing your mind.
Oh yes, please. Dumb it down for me.
Heisenburg's Uncertainty Principle tells us that at a specific curvature of space, knowledge can be transferred into energy--
Heisenburg's Uncertainty--!
...and this is key now...matter.
No it does not!
Well, some people struggle with Heisenburg. [pulls out a yo-yo] Look, here's a toy. It goes up and down on a string. Doesn't that look like fun?
[knocks yo-yo away] Get that out of my face!
Why don't you take that into the other room while the adults are doing important research here.
Oh, I'm sorry Professor! I didn't realize knowledge could also transform you into an arrogant ass!
[levitating a boy in a car with his mind] Quiet! I need complete concentration or the child will die.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Aqua Teen Hunger Force pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
