[After the auction, Papa Bear sees through Yakko's disguise and pulls off his fake moustache]
PBPapa Bear
Get outta here!
OOld lady
[offscreen] That's him, Officer!
[Papa Bear turns to see the old lady, a policeman, and an angry mob of angry customers]
PPoliceman
[angrily] These people tell me you won't give 'em refunds.
PBPapa Bear
[trying to lie] But, Officer, I've given all my profits to charity. I have no money! [Wakko uses the garage door opener. Money, cash registers, and a piggy bank fall out of his shirt; laughs nervously]
OOld lady
[to the angry mob] Get the money!
[The angry mob of angry customers, Batman, Buster Bunny, Babs Bunny, and Dizzy Devil rush towards Papa Bear and beat him up, taking all of their money back. Papa Bear picks up a penny. The old lady takes the penny and sticks her tongue out at him, then leaves]
PBPapa Bear
[cries] I'm penniless, broke, nothing!
[holding out a quarter and a penny] Say, how'd you like to make twenty-six cents?
[Last lines; the Warners are on top of the water tower with Papa Bear's garage]
[sighs happily] Our very own garage.
[reading paper] Hey, check this out. Tomorrow, some guy's having a yard sale.
I'm balled over. That was good. You kids got it. You got that special zingy thing. That thing that only comes from here. [points at Yakko's chest]
That's just a spaghetti stain.
See, that's funny. You're wack-o!
No. [grabs Wakko] This is Wakko.
No, I'm Yakko. And, that's Dot.
[painting "The Scream"] Have we met before?
[crazy voice] Oh! I love these kids! They are so funny! Sweet kids who look like puppies! Flamiel! [normal voice] Where're you kids going?
You kids are gonna be in my movie.
The people watching on TV.
Peoples? What peoples? [crazy voice] Hello, nice people in the TV! [normal voice] Hey! I don't see any...where'd they go? Ah, there you are! [crazy voice] Nice kids, we're with the movie gonna do a thing!
[The Warners scream and try to run out the door]
[shuts the door] Okay, Mr. Penzoil Head, you talked us into it. We'll do your movie.
[crazy voice] Oh. You'll do! The mov...! You'll do the! Happy! I am! So much! Oil!
[to audience] Be afraid. Be very afraid.
[The cartoon begins]
[voiceover] Previously on warner law,
[Dr. Scratchansniff comes out of the store, carrying the therapy couch on his back. He walks up to his car, but notices the parking ticket on his window wiper]
[shocked] Oh, no. [snatches the ticket] A parking ticket?! But vhy?! I put money in ze meter!
[Cut to Yakko, reading the ticket]
If you're innocent, then you've got to fight this ticket!
Ha ha! You? My lawyers? Oh, no no no no no. You kids is crazy. I'm going to pay ze ticket, [grabs the ticket from Yakko] boom, and zat is zat. [walks to the door] Und don't come anywhere near me! [slams door]
[Yakko looks at his silblings with a smirk on his face, and they spin around to wear lawyer suits]
Come, siblings. We have a trial to prepare!
[First lines]
They make me want to write poetry, or bake a ham; I forget which.
[yawns] Well, sibs. I'd say we turn in.
What do you want to turn into? I know, How about a bat? [turns into a bat and flies up on the roof] Or an elephant? [turns into an elephant and trumpets] Or a monkey? [turns into a monkey and makes monkey noises as he goes crazy]
[to Dot] Don't look at me. He's your brother.
FMiss Flamiel
We'll move on to science. Dot, what can you tell me about the great scientists of the 18th century?
FMiss Flamiel
No, no, no!
Alright, they're all living.
FMiss Flamiel
No, no, no!
Well, now we're getting into philosophy.
FMiss Flamiel
We’re not getting into phi- [stops herself] We'll move on to grammar. Wakko, what is the meaning of the word "procrastination"?
FMiss Flamiel
You children are making this very difficult!
Well, learning isn.t easy.
FMs. Flamiel
Stop that! STOP THAT! SIT AT YOUR DESKS THIS INSTANT!
[The Warners jump into their seats and sit quietly. Ms. Flamiel pulls a red marker pen out of her cleavage]
Ooh, what else ya got in there?
FMs. Flamiel
Why, you little...! F! [writes an F on Yakko's forehead]
Hey, you can't do that to him!
FMs. Flamiel
F! [writes an F on Dot's forehead, causing her to cry; Wakko buries his head in his arms, laughing; she glares at him, then writes an F on his hat with a black marker] F!
[Wakko stops laughing then stares at the F, he then gets very livid and starts to shake his head]
Uh, oh. Now you've gone and hurt his feelings.
I'd apologize if I were you.
FMs. Flamiel
I will NOT! You're horrid, naughty children!
[Growling, Wakko grabs his desk and shakes, steam shooting out of his nose. Ms. Flamiel starts to look worried. Finally, the top of Wakko's hat blows up like a volcano. Ms. Flamiel covers her eyes as Wakko's head explodes offscreen]
BBeethoven
I am Ludwig Van Beethoven, world famous composer and pianist.
Mwah! Goodnight, everybody!
BBeethoven
That's what I am! A pianist!
I think we've heard enough of you.
[The Warners clean his mouth with soap and the mop]
[after trying to play Beethoven's hearing aide as if it were a brass instrument] Where's the mouth piece to this thing?
BBeethoven
It's in my ear.
[spits out in disgust] THAT'S REVOLTING! [throws the hearing aid onto Beethoven]
[speaking through the hearing aid] You really shouldn't put stuff in people's ears. You'll go deaf.
BBeethoven
[his mouth pops out of his hearing aid] I "AM" DEAF!
In 1916, the Russian Empire was ruled by Czar Nicholas II, the last in line of the great leaders and not so great leaders. But behind the scenes, the evil monk Rasputin was controlling the Czar with hypnotism. Rasputin forced the Czar to do whatever he wanted, even the most vile of acts.
CNCzar Nicholas II
[singing] I really like Rasputin, 'Cause I don't realize, I only like Rasputin 'Cause I am hypnotized. Hey! [Rasputin laughs evilly. He claps his hands, freeing Czar Nicholas II from the trance] Why, Rasputin. What are you doing here?
RRasputin
We were discussing my raise, your highness.
CNCzar Nicholas II
We were? But I just gave you a raise yesterday.
RRasputin
[hypnotically] You want to give me another raise, and, uh, a puppy.
CNCzar Nicholas II
[hypnotized] Yes. Yes! Why, Rasputin, there you are. I've been looking all over for you.
CNCzar Nicholas II
I want to give you another raise and a puppy.
RRasputin
If you insist, kind Czar.
By controlling the Czar, Rasputin had absolute authority over all decisions affecting the Russian government.
RRasputin
I appoint you secretary of cheese, you, keeper of the lint, and as for you, kiss my puppy.
P3Politician 3
[looks at the puppy, then the camera. He does so, but then gets bitten] Aah!
RRasputin
He likes you. Now, take him potty. Bye-bye. [singing, skipping down the hall] La la la la la la la la la la la la la la.
P2Politician 2
Why, he's insane.
P3Politician 3
[to Czar Nicholas II] Czar, Rasputin is mad. He's ruining the country. You must fire him!
CNCzar Nicholas II
[to Politician 3] I like him. You have a puppy on your nose. [walks away in a hypnotic trance]
[serious voice over] We were each chosen for our unique abilities. That's Dot. Her specialty: Cuteness. [Dot blows kisses] That's Wakko. His specialty: The mallet. [whacks some nuts with the mallet, and eats them all] That's me. My specialty: Two paddle-balls at once!
TPThaddius Plotz
[referring to a map] Now you have to get from this office here to soundstage 64 here, and stop that director. Any questions?
[raising their hands] Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
Would I look cute as a blonde?
Who's chubbier, Perry Mason or Scotty on "Star Trek"?
[crazy voice] Okay! I'm ready for my ending!
[crazy voice] Yeah! Give! Give! Froinlaven!
[through the megaphone] And...action!
[gets hit in the head by a huge mallet, Crazy voice] That's an ending?
CCameraman
[whispering to Yakko] Microphone was in the shot.
[through the megaphone] Okay, everybody! Let's do it again!
[crazy voice] Oh no! I don't want that!
[through the megaphone] And...action!
[gets hit with the large mallet again, is as flat as a pancake, crazy voice] The hurting...the hurting...cut, print, that's a wrap.
[to his siblings] Let's go home.
