TV show quotes
[John Wayne is shooting a movie]
You can still surrender, pilgrim.
Nope. Draw, Sheriff.
Alright, but I warn ya. [reaches for his gun, but instead of his gun, he pulls out Dot by mistake]
Bang!
Huh?
[plants a huge kiss on Wayne's lips] Say you'll never leave me! Say we'll always be together!
[John Wayne screams]
[playing the pipe organ, since Wakko was busy] Well, somebody had to do it.
[the chorus girls he'd been dancing with leave groaning in exhaustion] Come on one more romp, I'll even get in front this time! Well it was fun while it lasted. [leaves; gesturing the viewers] C'mon!
[while inside the shark’s stomach] What’s with these weird cutaway shots in this stupid cartoon show anyway?! [the shark spat him out and he ends up in a clam] I'm having a bad day!
[MerMindy and Buttons the dogfish cameo as they swim by]
[After "Dance of the Sugarplum Fairy Op. 71 a Andante ma non troppo" from "The Nutcracker Suite" leaves both Slappy and Skippy dazed...]
Hold it! Stop the music there! [the music stops] What's with the sappy music and the dancing? I don't do pathos and I can't dance, don't ask me. [to Charlton Woodchuck] Wait a minute. You look familiar. Unappealing, but familiar.
Aunt Slappy, that's the director, Charlton Woodchuck.
BAYNARTS! [slaps him on the back] What're you doin' here, you ol' son of a hack?
It's "Charlton". It's written in my contract that when I was old enough, I would get to direct.
Yeah, Skippy has the same deal.
[dressed like Steven Spielberg] Love you, babe, but we're losing our light.
[taps the script] What's with six minutes of opening a walnut?
Don't you see? It's a parable about man against nature. The nut represents the struggle to achieve our goals.
[tears up the script] There! My goal is achieved!
[sighs] Let me put it this way, Sloppy.
It's "Slappy", Baynarts!
That's "Charlton". Either you do this script, or you don't get paid.
[Slappy goes nose to nose with Charlton, glaring...then grins winningly, complete with cash register sound]
Hit it, maestro!
[At the end of the cartoon, after finally getting the shell to open...]
Hey, von Stroheim! There's no nut inside this shell!
Yes, exactly, it's the emptiness of our existence! That's symbolism, that's metaphor!
Yeah, but that's not comedy! [stuffs Charlton into the nutshell] Now there's a nut inside!
Now that's comedy!
You're adorable, but that's my line!
This is the city: Los Angeles, California. On a starlit winter's night, when the moon was shining bright...Back in January of 1994, at 4:30 in the morning, and without a single warning, something strange began to move the floor. A quake! a quake! The house begins to shake! You're bouncing 'cross the floor and watching all your dishes break. You're sleeping, there's a quake, you're instantly awake. You're leaping out of bed and shouting.
Oh, for heaven's sake!
I ran outside with neighbors, their faces filled with shock. That's because I'm standing there In nothing but my socks. Oh, a quake, a quake.
Say, it's all a big mistake!
Just feel the ground go up and down!
Won't someone hit the brake? A quake, a quake, oh, what a mess they make! The bricks, the walls, the chimney falls, destruction in its wake!
I did not have insurance, so I called them from the scene And suddenly I'm listening to an answering machine, saying:
Too late! Too late! You shouldn't ought-a wait! So now you're stuck, we wish you luck! Here comes a 6.8! Whose fault? Whose fault? The San Andreas' fault, cause Mr. Richter can't predict her kicking our asphalt! Seismologists all say tectonic plates are in between an encroaching crustal mantle.
Yeah, so what the heck's that mean?
It means a quake! A quake!
Oh, really, yeah, no fake? We kinda had that feeling When the ground began to shake!
California's great! It's such a lovely state! 'Cause every lawn is sitting on a continental plate! Los Angeles had fires and a riot and a flood and then a drought and a recession and then now we hear this thud of a quake, a quake!
How much more can we take?!
We thought that we had seen it all...
But this one takes the cake! The dirt,
The rocks,
And all those aftershocks!
It's just the planet moving granite several city blocks! [to the tune of London Bridge] LA town is falling down while the ground moves around! We won't let it get us down, we're Californians!
A quake.
A quake.
It's time to pull up stake.
We're all fed up, we can't deny it!
Fires, quakes, and floods, and riot!
We want someplace with peace and quiet. So we're moving to Beirut!
In Hollywood, they have a different language that they speak.
It's spoken by those folks who went to school for just one week.
It's found inside Variety, a magazine they use.
And no one understands it when they read the movie news.
Like "Hix makes pix but the flick needs fix"...
Means someone made a movie that bombed.
"The VEEPS in charge are now at large"...
Means everyone involved is gone.
"The plot conflix, no beautiful chix"...
So it's comin' out on video soon.
"They're takin' their licks 'cause the critics say nix"...
And the editors are gonna try to fix it in the mix.
Well, "the stock sees green" on page 13...
Means Disney's up a nickel a share.
"Stallone cuts deal for a major reel"...
Means Rocky Number VI, so beware!
If you want the poop.
Or ya need the scoop.
On Hollywood Town this week, you're gonna have to learn to talk that Variety speak!
Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah, bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah!
"A boffo-smash makes Warner cash"...
Means there's gonna be a sequel next year.
But "Paramount hurts and they're losing their shirts"...
Means Schwarzenegger's doing King Lear.
"Oliver Stone does next Home Alone"...
Means he's gettin' paid an arm and a leg. The budget goes "crunch!"...
But his name "packs punch"...
So they called up the accountants and they're gonna "do lunch".
Well, "the ratings smile on the O.J. trial"...
Means a movie of the week to premiere.
"Universal cuts deal with Mr. Spiel"...
To do a hundred thousand movies a year!
You gotta play it smart If y'wanna be part Of the crowd that's hip and chic! You're gonna have to learn to talk that Variety speak!
Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah, Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah!
Normal talk makes producers walk. You might as well speak Greek. You're gonna have to learn.
Or the meeting will adjourn...
Unless, my friend, you learn that Variety speak!
Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah, Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah!
Bop, doo, bop, doo, bop, doo, bah, dah!
U.N. me, we had a bag of fun down by the East Riverside!
That United Nations there drives away a fella's care.
183 countries meet down by the East Riverside,
New York, off 42nd Street.
See foreign states with a grudge down by the East Riverside.
United Nations tries to fix wars, famine, and oil slicks.
Boutros Boutros Ghali-gee down by the East Riverside,
Leads the General Assembly.
The gift shop will take traveler's checks down by the East Riverside.
German tourists were not rare buying T-shirts and flatware.
Ate pastry from Liberia down by the East Riverside,
At the U.N. cafeteria.
Took a tour with some Dutch down by the East Riverside
We had a guide from Japan who had a decent pension plan.
Saw costly artwork from Brazil down by the East Riverside,
On which my soda I did spill.
U.N. me, we had a bag of fun down by the East Riverside.
Saw flags on shiny poles from lands with lofty goals.
We'll beat our swords into liverwurst down by the East Riverside,
But no one wants to be the first.
But then I guess it could be worse.
We could still sing one more verse.
U.N. me!
[The Warners were in the bathtub. Dot screams]
[sing-song voice] Uh oh! I feel a bubble coming on!
Go away!
[dazed while seeing three Skippys] Well, if it isn't Huey, Dewey and Louie. I haven't seen you guys since Daisy Duck's bat mitzvah. [thud]
[to the camera] Guess Aunt Slappy needs a little lie-down.
Is this you? Are you happily engrossed in inconsequential cartoon trivia to the point that your socks can probably stand up by themselves?
And now, Yakko Warner sings all of the words in the English language!
Aardvark, abating, abet, abdicating. Abandon, abase and abreast. Ablaze and ablution, abhor and abusion. Abbreviate, abbey, abscessed. Abduct and ablation, abridge and abrasion. Abash and abrupt and abride. Abscond and absentia, absent, abstentia. Abdomen, ably, abide. Abominable, abrogate, absolute, absent. Absorbent, abstention, abstraction. Absurd and abundant, abusive, abutment. Acacia, academy, action. Accede and accost and accept and across. And accompany, acre, accord. Accomplish, account and accrue and amount. Acrimonious, active, adored. Adrenaline, adulate, adder and advocate. Advertise, adverse, abrade. Advice, adversarial, advent and aerial. Affluent, after, afraid.
[slightly slower] Level and levity, lewd and longevity. Libel, libation, Lanai. Lithium, litigate, legal, legitimate. Liberty, levy and lie.
Welcome back. Yakko's now at the L's as he tries to sing all the words in the English language. A slight mistake at the F's—here's what it looked like:
[Shows a previous clip]
Facial and faction and fractal and fraction. And fraudulent, fragrant, frappé Frankincense, frankinship...frankinsish...shoot!...Yada yada flambé!
Now, that mistake could have proved costly for Yakko, but he recovered beautifully.
Now let's watch as Yakko continues with the L's.
[starting to get fatigued] Libation and libertine, limited, limousine Limpid and limbo and lime Lima and lipid and literature, liquid And listing and liter and line. There's lobby and loading and loathsome and loaning. And loco and then locomotion. There's lotus and lottery, lobo, lobotomy. Logic and loosen and lotion. Lozenge and lubber and lucky and lover. And lullaby, lumber and Luke. Luster and luscious and lunatic, lustrous. And lurking and lunar and lute.
[overly exhausted] Zachary, Zanzibar, zappy and zamindar. Zillion and Zipcode and Zen. Zany and zoning and zeal and zirconium. Zodiac, zombie, zayin.
Yakko Warner, now moments away from having sung all the words in the English language. Dick Button, is he going to make it?
If it was anyone else, I'd say no, but he's young, he's resilient; we'll just have to see.
Zigging and zagging and zealous and zebra. And zenith and zap and zaffer. Zeppelin and zipper and zephyr and zither. Then zinc and zombini. And zoo and zucchini. And Zulu and Zorro. Then zit and Zamora. And zero and zoom and - ugh! [falls down]
Guess not...
Wait! [struggles up on his knees] Zaire! [falls down again]
[After Yakko sang All the Words in the English Language]
He did it! Yakko Warner has just sung all the words in the English language!
Hey, congratulations, Yakko!
[gets ready to stand up] Thanks, Dick.
Join us next time, when Yakko Warner will sing all of the numbers above zero. Good night!
[Upon hearing this, Yakko bulges his eyes and faints]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Animaniacs pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
