Spike quotes from Angel

[to Hainsley's butler] We're - I'm from Wolfram and Hart.

Spike

I'm his date.

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Just since you're all soulful now, I thought maybe, just maybe, you might've learned to open up a little. You know, talk? But I guess a leopard can't change his stripes.

Spike

Spots, you dink. Leopards have spots.

Oh! Excuse me, Mr. Brainy. Thank you so much for sharing. Wow. What a breakthrough.

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[Incorporeal Spike walks through a gray wall to follow Angel.]

Spike

Running away again.

Angel turns around and keeps walking, Spike not too far behind.

Spike

Nice new M.O. I can see why heros like you get rewarded with the shiny new glass and chrome. Why didn't I think of that?

[Still walking] I'm not responsible for what happened to you.

Angel it's almost 3:00 you have a meeting...

[interrupting with a hand out and still walking] Not now, Harmony.

Spike

And here you've even managed to get my ex-tumble, the littlest vampire, fetching coffee for you. Nice perks for the sell-out.

[Stops walking but still not facing Spike] A little tip, Spike. Try not to talk about things you don't understand.

Spike

[walks in front of Angel] I'm not the prat here. I know you Angel. What do you think you're doing? Made some devil's bargain to take over this company. Thought you'd use it to fight the evil of the world from inside the belly of the beast. Trouble is you're too busy fighting to see you and yours are getting digested.

Not gonna happen. [Moves to walk away again]

Spike

What? You think you're in control here? Guess again, mate. You're no more in control than I am. Except I'm not going to bloody stand for it while you're just a blind...Groxlar Beast.

What?

[Spikes stares behind Angel. Angel sees the Groxlar walking out of the elevator. He fights it. During the fight Spike punches the Groxlar's head but his arm goes through it.]

Spike

Oh, brilliant.

[The fight continues and Angel kills the beast.]

[sighs] Okay. Somebody want to tell me how a Groxlar Beast got past security? I don't have time for this.

Spike

'Course not. Man's gotta stay focused on profit margins and power lunches.

Angel...

Yeah, Spike. I got a business to run. That means responsibilities, appointments to keep.

[Pointing at the fallen Groxlar] That was your 3:00

That...

[Spike laughs.]

I'm meeting with Groxlars? They eat babies!

Just their heads. You were supposed to open negotations with this clan.

Negotations for what?

[Walking in wearing a suit and briefcase in hand] Get them to stop eating baby heads.

Oh, so that's good. [looking down at the Groxlar] So this...this is bad.

No, actually the Groxlar Clan respects someone who takes a strong opening position. Wolfram and Hart didn't just jack me up with the human laws, also demons laws from every demension. Probably should have briefed you about the Groxlar, but [looks at Spike] we got a little... sidetracked.

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Spike

And this, bloody hell, wasn't mine. I'm not you. I don't give a piss about atonement or destiny. Just because I've got me a soul doesn't mean I'm gonna let myself be led around by...

Excuse me?

Wesley

Did - Did you just say - Spike has a soul? You never said.

Didn't seem worth mentioning, you know.

Seems to be a lot of that.

Spike

Or maybe Captain Forehead was feeling a little less special. Didn't like me crashing his exclusive club. Another vampire with a soul in the world.

You're not *in* the world, Casper.

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Spike

Think I'm hot, do you?

Hmm. Lukeworm. Just above room temperature.

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I'm in a meeting, Spike.

Spike

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't care.

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Spike

[re: Wesley] We got a history, him and me.

What?

Spike

It was a long time ago. He was a young Watcher, fresh out of the academy, when we crossed paths. It was a, what-you-call, battle of wills...and blood was spilled. Vendettas were sworn. It was a whole--

My God...you're so full of crap.

Spike

Yeah. OK.

S5 Unleashed

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Spike

I had a wee spat with a werewolf myself once. Fought for over an hour. Brutal. Vicious. I almost lost my--

Angel killed him with a pen.

S5 Unleashed

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Spike

You're right. I do deserve to go to Hell. But not today. [he punches Pavayne]

PPavayne

You dare!

Spike

Quite a bit, mate. Reality bends to desire. That was it, right? That's why I could touch Fred, write your name in the glass. All I had to do was want it bad enough. [his clothes rematerialize] And guess what I want to do now, you prissy son of a bitch!

S5 Hell Bound

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You're starting to feel it, aren't you? How close you are now... to hell?

Spike

What if I am? Not like it's such a big, bleeding deal, is it? If a ponce like you could break out--

I never escaped from hell. All I got was a short reprieve. Not even sure how I managed that.

Spike

Oh, put your martyr away, Mahatma. Fred told me all about your great, shining prophecy. Pile up all your good deeds and get the big brass ring handed to you like everything else.

Except for one small catch. The prophecy's a bunch of bull. They all are. Nothing's written in stone or fated to happen, Spike. You save the world, you end up running an evil law firm.

Spike

Or playin' Casper with one foot in the fryer.

You think any of it matters? The things we did? The lives we destroyed. That's all that's ever gonna count. So, yeah, surprise. You're going to hell. We both are.

Spike

Then why even bother? Try to do the right thing, make a difference...

What else are we gonna do?

Spike

So that's it, then. I really am going to burn.

Welcome to the club.

Spike

Least I got company, eh? You and me, together again. Hope and Crosby. Stills and Nash. Chico and the --

Yeah, are we done?

Spike

Never much for small talk, were you? Always too busy trying to perfect that brooding block-of-wood mystique. God, I love that.

Not as much as I loved your nonstop yammering.

Spike

The way you always had to be the big swingy, swaggerin' around, barkin' orders...

Never listening...

Spike

Always interrupting...

And your hair. What color do they call that, radioactive?

Spike

Never much cared for you, Liam, even when we were evil.

Cared for you less.

Spike

Fine.

Good. [they sit in silence] There was one thing about you...

Spike

Really?

Yeah, I never told anyone about this, but I--I liked your poems.

Spike

[dismissively] You like Barry Manilow.

S5 Hell Bound

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Spike

No. I'm not gonna end up like Pavayne--cheating Hell any way he could, no matter who it hurt.

Just proves what I've been telling everybody.

Spike

That I'm a handsome devil who brightens the place up?

That you're worth saving.

S5 Hell Bound

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Spike

You pissed in the big man's chair? That's fantastic!

Spike, can you please turn off that warm fuzzy?

Spike

What? The Lorne thing? Wore off. I just think that's bloody fabulous.

S5 Life of the Party

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Ow!

WWes

What happened?

The mail guy threw me.

S5 The Cautionary Tale of Numero Cinco

What?!

Spike

Number 5?! [smiling] He did this? Isn't he like 100 years old?

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Spike

Hey! Fred! Did ya hear? Angel attacked the old mail guy.

What?!

Not Number 5? You didn't hurt him?

S5 The Cautionary Tale of Numero Cinco

No. I -- he attacked me.

Wesley

We should find him.

Spike

Absolutely. Wanna buy him a pint. Bloody made my day.

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Holy tornado, it's true!

Spike

Yeah, it was amazing! Angel went right off on the mail guy.

Oh this must've been one major smackdown!

There was no smacking!

That's not the hubbub I'm hearing, honey buns. Word on the web has you sucker punching Grandpa Moses.

The web?